In the mouth of the foolish lies one’s arrogance, but the lips of the sensible will preserve them.” No sooner had I read the words on Dad’s board than Judge Hoddicks walked over, grabbed me by both arms, and pulled me to him in a bear hug. I couldn’t breathe well, but at moments like this, you simply endure.
“Betty, I can’t tell you how wonderful I thought your article was. I laughed. I . . . well, I didn’t cry, but I thought about it. I just thought it was wonderful. I’ll be honest: I loved Gloria. I wasn’t sure you could pull it off, but you did. In fact, you more than pulled it off; you nailed it, baby. Caused me to think about how I treat those ol’ ornery criminals. I can’t wait until Friday. I cannot wait until Friday.”
I waited for more congratulations, but none came. Everyone seemed rather preoccupied with customers and all. Even Duke didn’t offer a lick, a wag of the tail, or a would-you-take-me-to-do-my-business look. I headed into the back to get a Coke and pulled Dad by the arm along with me.“OK. So tell me, what did you think?”
“I got up early to read the paper without interruption, but it was gone and so were you and Duke.”I slapped my forehead and groaned. “I heard your mother get up earlier, around five, and I wanted her to have time to digest whatever you had written by herself.”
“She read it already?” I asked wide-eyed, anticipating some dramatic retelling of every word and sigh and tear.
“Yes, she read it.”
“Well, what did she say?”
“Nothing.”
I considered this.“Well, did you know I was doing something about the pageant?” I finally asked, nudging his arm.
“That didn’t take an Einstein, Savannah. An investigative journalist you may be; a subtle one you are not.” That made us both laugh. “So, I got ready, told Thomas to bring Duke on his way to the courthouse, and sat here with a cup of coffee and the morning paper. I wasn’t sure what you would say, Savannah,” he said, his eyes more intense than I had seen them in years.“I knew you wouldn’t hurt your mother, but I also knew that you wanted a story that would declare your legitimacy. I wasn’t quite sure how you could protect one and accomplish the other.” He paused for a moment. “And to be honest, I’m not so sure you did.”
Every ounce of my energy left. I put my drink down and tried to speak. “What . . . what do you mean? I didn’t say anything bad about Mother. I didn’t even talk about her.”
“This isn’t about your mother, Savannah. This is about Emma.”
“I didn’t say anything untrue about her. I didn’t even use her name.”
“No, maybe not technically, but you described her according to your opinion. Do you think anyone doesn’t know who you were talking about? And did she ever tell you she wanted to be talked about? Or that she wanted her life told in the paper? Or that she even cared if she had lost the pageant at all?”
I stood there trying to get my taxed brain to register his barrage of questions. I had been through so much. It had been a long week. I had just fallen down the stairs, for goodness’ sake.
“I thought I would be helping her. Trying to find out who did this to her and why. Putting a face to her pain.”
“Savannah, you needed to know that she wanted a face to her pain. Now the only face she might see when remembering her pain is you.”
That was so far from my intent that I hardly knew what to say. “Do you really think this will hurt her? I tried not to even make it about her.”
“But it was, Savannah. The message behind the whole thing was Emma, or a bunch of Emmas. Or not becoming an Emma. Can you imagine someone writing about you, about how horrible your life would be if you became a Savannah?” He stopped, realizing that his words were cutting me to the core.
“But I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I would never have intentionally hurt her,” I said, feeling the sting of tears forming in my eyes. “I wouldn’t knowingly hurt anyone,” I said, letting the tears fall freely now.
“I know you wouldn’t,” he said, wrapping me in his arms.“But I believe you probably did today. And you’re going to have to make it right.”
Dad released me and headed toward the front of the store, but stopped to add, “I love you, Savannah. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world either. But you still have things to learn. You still have wisdom left to gain. And the best place to begin is in learning to guard your words. They are now more powerful than I believe you know.”
I made my way to my desk undetected. Who knew how many other people would feel like my father? About the time I got to my seat, two girls I had seen before but never met walked by my desk giggling and whispering until they spotted me. I smiled, but they didn’t. In fact, their faces went pretty much stone cold, expressionless. Not angry or malicious, just indifferent. Those two would probably take effort. I had no energy for effort today.
I wanted to hang my new picture. I had picked the perfect place, just to the left of my books on the top shelf. That way, anytime I needed a pick-me-up, I could just look up and catch a glimpse of its vibrant tones. But why hang it up when I would surely be fired before the day’s end? I left Paige’s artwork leaning against the bookcase and spent the morning trying to look busy, while Friday loomed like a stalker with pink stationery. If anyone felt half as much concern as my father, the only thing left to write was a formal apology to the city, Emma, Ichabod over the door, and resign myself to becoming a tour guide.
To my great relief, Joshua never appeared. Marla called me around nine thirty to tell me she had just “loved every little word” I had written on those pages. “It was like a painter had created a masterpiece.”Then, she added,“But the lady who’s headed back to you now, well, she might not feel quite the same way.”
Emma, in fine form for a Spray and Wash commercial, rounded the corner while I still held the receiver in my hand.
“I can’t believe you,” she hissed, waving her newspaper in my face. I stood up to at least be able to block any blows she might be contemplating.“How could you?”
“Emma, I know. It was kind of insensitive . . .”
“Kind of insensitive? Who do you think you are?”
“Ooh, whoa doggies. Let’s go outside and talk. We don’t need to bring the whole office into this.”
“Are you kidding me? You brought the entire city into this! I just want to know, Miss Priss, who died and made you judge and jury? When did you decide that I needed you to take me up as your cause?”
“Well, I was trying to—”
“I’m not a cause, Savannah; I’m a person. A person you single-handedly turned into a complete and utter laughingstock,” she said. Every blood vessel in her face pulsed beneath her pale skin.
I caught her eyes. At once I saw both anger and hurt. Dad’s revelation became my own. “Emma, you’re right. I’m so sorry. I’ll retract everything on Friday.”
“Your retraction won’t help, Savannah. It’s done. It’s all done. You can’t undo it. You said it yourself, with your own words, in your own little paper.‘The choices you make to affect people’s lives are done,’” she mimicked. “‘You can alter the future, but the path is forever marked with reminders of past losses,’” she said, throwing the newspaper at my feet.
The sound startled me. “I said all that?”
“Yes, you said all that. Well, take a close look at what you’ve accomplished. Not only have you embarrassed me, but my children, Savannah. My children now get to go to school and listen to what other children say about their mother. You think about that, Savannah. Even if you had no thought about how this might affect me, I would have hoped you cared more about my children.”And with those words, she turned her greased locks around and left me to wallow in my own misery.
“Long day?” Curly Locks appeared from nowhere, picking up the scattered paper and throwing it away.
“You don’t know. And I don’t want to hear your comments about my article,” I said, flopping to my chair and laying my head on my desk.
I could feel him kneel down beside me.“Well, it wasn’t all bad. I mean it was bad, but not all bad.”
“Any bad negates any good,” I said, starting to cry.
“Not all the good.”
“Yes, any good.”
“At least she didn’t hit you.”
I tried to stifle my laugh, but I couldn’t. I sat up.
“Ooh, Ms. Phillips needs a tissue.”
“Sorry,” I said, reaching across my desk for a tissue. I blew hard and wiped off my face.“I didn’t realize I would hurt her. What was I thinking? I am a complete idiot.”
“A complete idiot. That’s harsh. Partial idiot, certainly. But I’m not sure what you were thinking either. I mean, what were you thinking?”
“I don’t want to have this conversation with you. I’ve had a long morning, and I’m tired, and I really can’t stay here anymore,” I said matter-of-factly.
“What? Are you going to quit after your first article?”
“I have no choice. You heard what I did to her. Have mercy! I have affected her children! I should have stuck to fiction.” I stood up, feeling the anger rise.“I was supposed to write books, to make people laugh and smile. To tell stories of crazy people that weren’t real. That way, at the end of the day, no one would be hurt or angry or remove their children from my path when I walk by. This is all my mother’s fault.”
“Obviously, you have deeply rooted, unresolved issues with your mother.”
“Oh, that’s good, Sherlock. Do you charge for your therapeutic services?”
“You couldn’t afford me.”
“Well then it’s a good thing I don’t need you.” I turned on my heels and headed to the elevator.“I don’t need counseling. I know what I have to do.”
“You may know what you have to do, but you definitely need counseling. And if you want my opinion, you’re making a mistake.
And this isn’t about your mother.” I threw my hands over my ears and continued in forward motion, singing “la, la, la.”
Of course, there was no secretary at Mr. Hicks’s office. I knocked on his half-open door and waited for him to allow me to enter.
“Come in, Ms. Phillips.”
“Mr. Hicks, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be taking my things and leaving today. I know I’ve done nothing but desecrate Gloria’s good name, and I won’t put you through any further embarrassment or shame by having my name associated with your paper. I’ll write a brief apology for Friday and you don’t have to worry about paying me.”
“Oh, really.”
“Yes, really, and truth be known, I should probably give you money for rent space. So, anyway, thank you for the opportunity. I’m sorry I wasn’t capable of more, but I appreciate your taking a risk on me at all. Good luck, Mr. Hicks. I hope you find someone worthy to take Gloria’s place.” I began my exit.
“I did find someone worthy to take Gloria’s place,” he said, stopping me in my tracks.“And if she would learn to give other people a chance to speak before she makes such hasty exits, she might learn a thing or two along the way.” He stood and pointed to a chair.“Sit.”
He sat on the edge of his desk, arms folded neatly across his belly. I took the seat across from him.“You’re a good writer, Savannah. You tell a story. You teach us lessons. You even taught me a lesson. You challenged me to see the potential in the people who work for me. It is precisely because of what you wrote in that article, Savannah, that I’m not letting you walk out that door and go home.”
“Because of what I wrote?”
“Yes, when I first read your piece, I was furious at your carelessness. The things you said about Emma were downright indefensible.”
“Yes, they were.”
“They may have been true, but not your truth to put into print. But the other things you said made me realize you are one of those people within my realm of influence. You are one that needs to be guided and grown and matured. I’m here to help you do that. And today, you’ve learned the lesson you needed to learn.”
“Remind me again of what that is.”
“You’ve learned you have much to learn. That will make you from this day forward a better writer than you ever dreamed of being. You won’t leave. Instead, you’ll go down there and write an article for Friday—better, wiser, and more powerful than the one you wrote today. Now go. And I don’t want to see you again until you deliver me your article tomorrow afternoon.”
“Thank you,” I said, swallowing my tears. “Thank you. You’re a good man, Mr. Hicks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The clock on my desk said noon. The Lady & Sons was waiting. I would go. But only after I hung up my picture.