T he park bench gave a little as I sat down. The scene had expanded immensely over these full six days. Each side had grown larger and louder. Each sign had grown bigger and bolder. Each prayer was offered with greater passion and fervor. And each opposition to each prayer was offered with greater passion and fervor.
I heard the slow shuffle of black sandals and the swooshing sound larger thighs make when the nylons they are wearing brush together as one is walking. And I knew my lunch partner had arrived.
“You need to go talk to her, Savannah. At the end of the day, she’s your mother.”
I knew Joy was right. I needed to deal with my mother. She was out there fighting as hard as she could for what she believed in, while her daughter ignored her and other women kissed her husband. She deserved my respect. She had gone to great lengths this week, in large part for me alone . Well, for me and Thomas.
I didn’t respond to Joy verbally, but actively . Walking toward my mother, I noticed the raven-haired beauty was rather close to her. I might have recommended she rethink this, as Mother had spent a week’s worth of evenings in the humid outdoors, in the same attire. Granted, her makeup was fresh from the Mary Kay adventure, but the rest of her was disintegrating rapidly.
I approached unnoticed. That wasn’t hard anymore. Things around here had grown to such a chaotic level that no one noticed much except what was blasted from a bullhorn. I slipped in under the volume of the other conversations, the protests, and the prayers. But in spite of the noise, I did hear Faith. I heard words that I’m sure were meant for my mother alone. But I heard each one of them. And let’s just say, what followed wasn’t pretty.
“You’re nothing but a self-righteous, self-promoting little woman who has made herself a laughingstock in front of the entire nation . You should be more like your daughter and try to see at least some of the humor in this situation.”As she backed her charcoal tresses up, her thousand-dollar designer pantsuit didn’t look so attractive anymore. But the expression on my mother’s face locked itself in my memory for what I knew would be forever. After all, who could ever forget the look of a shocked pig as it discovers that it is, well, a pig.
That raven lady could talk about this city. She could talk about my writing. She could talk about me, for crying out loud (which she had, and rather nicely). But now she had talked about my mama. If Faith were a Savannian, she’d know better than to talk about my mama, or to label my mother’s actions as self-serving. Only I can do that. Plus, “self-serving” may have gotten Vicky here, but if I knew anything, I knew “self-serving” wouldn’t have kept her here.
I stepped forward and startled the two beauties.“You need to step back, Ms. Austin.”
“Savannah, this doesn’t concern you. You’ve proven you’re nothing like your mother,” she quipped, no longer trying to hide her blatant disdain for Vicky. And she turned to go.
“So, is that what you do?” I asked.“Explode all over people and then walk away without giving them the opportunity to respond?”
She turned back around. The friendly look that she once bestowed upon me had gone bye-bye. “You had an entire newspaper article to respond, Savannah, and you couldn’t even come up with any passion of your own. Granted, it had humor, but there wasn’t any substance in it.”
“Don’t bring me into this,” I said getting rather uncomfortable with where this was going.
“Yeah, this is between me and you, sunshine!” my mother yelled, tugging at her chains.
“Mother, please.” I motioned for her to move back.
“Well, isn’t that what you and your mother do? Seek attention from the city? Use it to promote yourself?” She crossed her arms. I liked her better from the back.
“We don’t use this city, Ms. Austin.” I made sure the Ms. came out with a hissing noise. “We love this city. And no one loves it more than my mother. And she’s not self-righteous. She lives what she believes.”
“Give me a break . You’re both hypocrites . You want to point out everyone else’s sin and not admit to your own.”
Well, if I had thought about confessing any sin, I wouldn’t begin here on a sidewalk in the middle of a Savannah square. Because if I wasn’t mistaken, every journalist in the place had just moved in about ten feet closer.
“That’s what you people do, isn’t it, Savannah?” she said, hissing to herself. “You sit your self-righteous bodies in position of power and try to determine the standards by which the world should live, while hiding the ghosts in your own closets.” She began moving in closer. I wasn’t sure whose closets she had been snooping in, but me and sister Vicky don’t do ghosts. Or dead people. I began looking for Duke. He had already about eaten one woman for lunch today; he could go two for two. He wasn’t anywhere to be found . Why would he be? I was standing next to my mother.
She moved in even closer . We were about to touch noses. And hers was a perfectly proportioned nose, I might add. But her eyes weren’t quite as inviting as they had been in the past.“So why don’t you quit hiding behind your little monument”—she turned to look at my mother—“and quit trying to make me look like the bad guy, and let the world know what you’re really like, Savannah Phillips”— she turned back to me—“because this Miss Perfect performance has gone on long enough.”
It was more than I could bear. It was as if a dam burst, and before I knew it, I threw both hands in the air, lifted my face to the sky, and screamed,“Okay, I STOLEA CAR DADDY!” Some gasped. Others cheered. Some laughed. My mother grabbed her chest, did a Fred Sanford move backward, and Ms. Austin didn’t try to disguise her smirk. Every camera within the square started rolling, and pictures were snapped like I was Anna Kournikova.
“Yes, I stole a Sugar Daddy!” I confirmed to the listening world. “I saw a little girl licking it. It looked good. I begged for a lick, and when she finally held it out in her little hand, I snatched it and took off like a streak. Are you happy now?”
“Grow up, Savannah.” She started walking off again. The crowd roared. But I wouldn’t let her off so easy. Cheers or no cheers. I would follow.
“I have grown up, Ms. Austin. And I grew up in a whole new way this week alone.”
She turned around one more time, not happy that we were having this song and dance. “Savannah, let’s drop it. This will be over by the weekend anyway . The courts will get this monstrosity out of here, and you children can all go home to your million-dollar mansions and million-mile denials.”
“You’re the one in denial. And I’m not dropping it, because you started it.” Another group cheered on that one. “I may have stolen a Sugar Daddy when I was seven, but you try to steal a person’s good name and reputation, something it takes a lifetime to create . You destroy it with a sentence. I may have my own demons to deal with, but I would say you do too.”
“I do not. And I don’t steal Sugar Daddys or reputations.”
“You just tried to no more than five minutes ago! You just stood in front of a thousand television cameras and declared to the viewing public that my mother was here for no other reason than to get exposure . Well, that right there was breaking Number Nine, sister. And I’ve seen every other commandment broken this week too, in this very town.”
“You need a life, Savannah.”
“No, I’ve just learned to observe, Ms. Austin. In less than a week this city has lied about one another and stolen dreams, purses, and employers’ time. I’ve listened to people who think they’re God and then heard God’s name used in more horrible ways than should be legal. I’ve watched women worship “lucky” dolls and Coca-Cola. I’ve even watched children shamelessly disobey their parents.” Mother glared. I traveled to more comfortable ground.“I’ve even seen a woman try to commit adultery with—” I stopped . Well, maybe that ground wasn’t too comfortable either.
“What?! What did you see?!” Vicky asked with eyes still in animated horror over the Sugar Daddy revelation.
“Well, that one doesn’t need to be delved into right now. But my Lord, have mercy, someone was even killed this week. All of that, right here in the heart of this city. In the heart of my city,” I declared, with a finger that tapped my own chest . Then I opened my arms to encompass the entire span of nuts.“This entire city has fallen apart in less than a week.”
“Then you’ve said it yourself, Savannah . You can’t, and these people can’t.” She motioned to those who had closed in around us. “None of you can even live by the very principles you’re fighting over. Stealing a Sugar Daddy.” Her laugh was only half-mocking.
“I still say you’re nothing but a bunch of hypocrites.”
At those words, my mother tugged at her chains just far enough to grab the back of my shirt. She snatched me away and looked me square in the face and said, “Sit down, and sit down now. I will handle this from here. And when I’m through, I’ll handle you and whoever this Sugar Daddy fella is that you’ve stolen.”
I was about certain at that moment that the entire square gasped . The woman in chains had taken a deep breath and morphed into a woman that few had caught a glimpse of this week. Everyone stepped back and the path between her and Ms. Austin cleared.
“Ms. Austin, come here,” Vicky summoned.
For a brief moment, Ms. Austin looked downright terrified. “I’m really through here.”
“No, you’re not through .Now, please, please come here, Faith.” With those words mother’s voice softened to that of just a mom. Not a monument percher, not a chamber of commerce president, not a city of Savannah commander and chief, just Victoria Phillips, a mother.
Ms. Austin inched closer, still uncertain whether the woman would leap. “You know what, Faith, you’d be right.” That one made her stop. It made about everyone else stop too.
Ms. Austin coughed out her question.“About what?”
“You’re right about the hypocrite part.” Most everyone on the square gasped again, then leaned in closer. This was going to be good. “We do have things to learn. I learn ways I’ve screwed up every day . Well, almost every day.” She was at least trying to be diplomatic.“ But we all have things to learn. And right now you need to learn that I’m not self-righteous or self-serving. I’m out here for this little girl behind me.” She pointed in my direction.
At times a mother’s reference to you as her “little girl” fills you with warm, childlike euphoria. Standing in front of Ms. Austin, camera bulbs flashing and television cameras rolling, was not one of them.
“She’s old enough to take care of herself.” I wanted to agree with Ms. Austin there, but now didn’t quite feel like the right time.
“Yes, she is,” Mother said, looking back at me with a goofy smile.“But life is different now, Faith . You and my daughter belong to a generation that believes truth is a relative mind-set. It isn’t.”
“You and I have different opinions on that.”
“Then we have fundamental differences, Faith.”
“And, I’ve never stolen a Sugar Daddy,” she spat like a two-year-old.
“Neither have I.” Mother glared at me.“But trust me, that will be dealt with. And trust me on this, Faith: just because life changes, truth doesn’t. Paint it black and call it brown and it’s still black. Paint it mauve and call it aubergine and it’s still mauve.” I rolled my eyes.“That’s what this means to me.” She walked over to the monument and placed her hand atop it, never minding her chipped manicure.“But even if this monument crumbled into the sidewalk, the truth it holds at this moment would still be the truth.”
Ms. Austin’s phone broke the silence.“Ms. Austin.” I was grateful for the reprieve.“What?!” she screamed into the phone.“I don’t care! I don’t give a flying flip what you want or what you think! I told you I would let you know. That means when I know something, you will know something! And right now I know I’m sick of answering this stupid phone!”And with that Ms. Austin’s phone took a flying flip of its own, right across about six heads, skimmed a rather large swooped updo, and crashed into the wall of the Federal Building.
Ooh, sister’s got a few issues with her cellular. Sergeant Millings woke up from his horse nap and grabbed his gun . That could have proven dreadful, had I not screamed out at him, “Whoa, doggies.
Whoa. It was just a cell phone.”
He looked around as if he was going to rid this city of all cellular activity, but he calmed down after a moment.
Ms. Austin’s face began to grow redder than it had when she was screaming in the phone. Even strands of her hair had shaken loose from her ponytail during her breakdown . When she regained her composure, her mortification was apparent to all. I didn’t mind. I needed the company.
She didn’t ask again if Mother was through. She just turned quickly and walked away quickly. I watched her go. I liked her. I could have been her friend. Shoot, I could have been her. I didn’t know what circumstances had brought her to the choices that framed her perspective. But I knew her decisions had determined her future.
Mother was still leaning against the monument. I realized now that she had been here for me, and for Thomas. All her efforts this week had been about preserving something of value for us to be able to preserve for our children. How strange. That was the same thing this monument was offering.
The treasures of what we have and have become can be found in the faces of those who raised us . Yet some never find a treasure there. So they fight forever to escape the faces of abuse. Others fight forever to run from faces of addiction. Some of us will even fight against faces that are just plain extraordinary. But looking at my mother, I realized ordinary would be boring . Who would want that?
I sneaked off before she remembered me. It would take her two hours to realize that Sugar Daddy was a candy and not a strange man I had stashed under my bed since I was a child. And I didn’t need any other misunderstandings in the paper. So, I left her to return to work. But I would be back. I would be back to check on her soon.
“You left out something,” Joshua’s voice came as I rounded the corner to the back alley to head to my car. He was leaning up against it.
I was too tired to brush him off. “Did you hear all of that?” I asked, half-embarrassed, half too stressed to care.
“Every word. But you missed one.”
I leaned up against the car and stared back. “And what one would that be?”
“The last one . The one about wanting what isn’t yours.”
“Joshua, just drop it.” I opened my car door.
He shut it promptly. “No, Savannah. If you’re going to deal with your ‘demons,’ as you call them, deal with all of them. And a perfect place to begin would be with this incessant desire of wanting something that isn’t yours . You don’t want Grant for any reason other than the fact that he belongs to someone else.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” I snapped.
“Yes, I do . You don’t even look at him the way a woman looks at a man she loves.”
“You don’t know how I look at him.”
“Yes, I do.” He was as perfectly sickening as a half-rotten cucumber. “I saw you . You looked at him like a woman who was sad she had lost.”
I abandoned all calm. “I love him, Joshua North! And how dare you try to make six years of commitment so . . . so meaningless and petty!”
“I didn’t . You did.”
“Leave me alone!” I said, trying to pull the handle to my car door, but he wouldn’t move his arm to allow me to retreat. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and lay one on him. And he knew I did. And that made it all the worse.
“You don’t love him, Savannah,” he said as he inched closer to my face. I could feel his arm behind my back as it held the door firmly closed. I refused to let any part of him affect me. I returned his cool demeanor with a cold stare. “He doesn’t make your eyes dance. I’ve seen them dance. And it wasn’t when you were looking at him.” I felt his breath across my face. He let those words settle in the air between the two of us . We both knew what he meant. “Let him go. Let your pride go. Let this so-called hurt go. Let the desire to have what isn’t yours go, just because it isn’t yours . You’re passionate Savannah . You deserve passion in return.” He removed his arm from my car door . The very presence of it as it brushed my shirt created a feeling I refused to allow to surface.
“Are you finished?”
He got on his bike and headed down the alley.“I’m finished,” he called back.
He and I both knew things had only begun.