The first day quickly became an adventure. Leaving the village behind in the morning, seeing the falls from the distance as they trekked into the surrounding hills, pointing out animals and birds, learning each of the men’s names—each step kept Ciara’s interest in the journey. For certain, the presence of so many different horses helped as well. Although her daughter was more outgoing than she’d ever witnessed, Marian did notice that she rode only with herself or with Duncan.
By the second day, Ciara had quieted and then the third and fourth days found her nearly sullen and withdrawn. Thinking back on their journey to Dunalastair, Marian realized that she’d only been a bairn and probably did not remember much of it at all. And most of that was accomplished in the back of a cart. Now, from the back of one horse or another, it became boring and repetitive no matter how much Marian tried to make a game of it.
If not for Duncan…If not for his inordinate patience and attention to Ciara, Marian knew that the days would seem much longer than they already did. Although (as she learned from Tavis) he had no close siblings or children of his own, and although (as she learned from Hamish) he was not used to this slow a pace when traveling on the laird’s business, and although (this from Farlen) she was lucky that he did the right thing and handfasted with her, she truly was grateful beyond words for the manner in which he made the journey as easy as possible for her daughter. And if he did not converse with her along the way, keeping his attentions on the safety and the roads ahead and even on his own business and if he spent every night only-God-knew-where, then she was fine with it. Truly she was fine with it.
For, other than asking her in a hushed voice after a half-day’s travel if she were well, he had said nothing to her at all. All messages and orders were passed on to her by others, even Ciara, or called out to everyone.
This marriage did not begin on solid ground, but Marian hoped that they would be able to live peaceably for their year and then go their separate ways. He was an indispensable man to his clan who traveled much for his laird, so some of the time he would be gone from Lairig Dubh. He was a virile, handsome man who probably had a leman or mistress even though he’d had no wife yet, so that would keep him busy for some of the nights. All she would have to do was keep her promise not to dishonor him and she would be free.
They stopped for a short rest by the side of a large loch and the pleasure of walking made her sigh. Ciara ran around the group as the men prepared a meal for them. ’Twas obvious that they were accustomed to traveling together, for they worked together with a remarkable efficiency whenever they stopped along the road. Whether it be preparing a camp for the night or like this, a short break with a meal, Marian found she got in their way rather than being of assistance.
Searching around the lochside, she noticed that the trees began some distance from the edge. At such a distance, Duncan would insist on escorting them off to handle their personal needs, and giving the men time to see to theirs, but he was deep in conversation with two of the men. Taking Ciara’s hand in hers, she stood waiting for him to finish. To keep her daughter busy, she guided her in bigger circles where they stood, which also helped to work out any stiffness in their limbs. A few minutes later, after Farlen returned to his duties and Donald mounted and rode off down the road at a fast pace, Duncan walked to where they waited.
“My pardon for the delay, my ladies,” he began. “A moment or two of privacy is probably needed?”
Ciara giggled each time he called them “ladies,” but she dropped Marian’s hand and ran up to Duncan to allow him to guide her. She guiltily admitted that her daughter’s quick acceptance of this man bothered her, yet she would never say it aloud. For these last five years, Marian had been everything to her daughter, but now Duncan stepped into their lives and, truth be told, ruled it. Whether ’twas with the permission of the laws and contracts that bound them or by Ciara’s own behavior, he now mattered.
They walked up a hill, through the first line of trees and deeper into the forest, far enough from the loch and the men that they could not be seen or heard easily. Then, Duncan left them and walked several paces back until they were alone. They finished quickly and walked back to the loch, where she helped Ciara wash her hands and face and where she enjoyed the cool freshness of the water. Duncan spoke not a word until Hamish called to Ciara and she ran off to eat. Then she faced her husband alone for the first time in days.
“In the haste of things, I did not have time to make new arrangements for traveling with you and…your daughter,” he said, glancing over to where Ciara stood eating with the men. She noticed the slight hesitation, even if he did not, but chose not to speak of it.
“You and your men are a well-trained team,” she said. “I try to stay out of the way.”
“We have done this for several years.” He stopped and looked at her now. “Riding is not so pleasurable now?”
“I have not ridden in years, so this is a bit too much in such a short time.” She stretched then, trying to soothe the ache in her back and her legs before she would need to climb atop her horse again.
“We stop for the night at the MacCallum’s keep,” he said. “If you would prefer, you could travel by cart from there.”
“The MacCallums?” she asked.
“Allies to the MacLeries. Connor’s wife, Jocelyn, is a MacCallum.”
She nodded her head, now recognizing the name. “You negotiated their marriage agreements.”
“Aye, and escorted the bride to her husband,” he said. Then the most appealing smile covered his face and he laughed aloud. “Though I am lucky to be alive after that journey.”
Another laugh escaped as he remembered something else, but the deep rumble of his laughter eased something in her own heart. “It does sound as though you were not in any true danger.”
“I will share my side of that story before Jocelyn tells you hers,” he said, holding out his arm to her. “For now, let us eat and get back on the road, so we can get there before dark.”
She accepted his escort and thought about meeting his clan’s allies this night. Was that where Donald had gone? To take word of their approach and need for shelter for the night? Just before they reached the gathering of men and Ciara, he spoke again.
“I am certain that the MacCallum can offer you a hot bath and a soft bed. Real cooked food and other comforts, to be sure.”
So that was why he was enthusiastic about stopping this night. A bed…a bedding, too? Well, this was to be her life for the next year, so Marian tried to resign herself to his presence in her life. The first part of what they’d done on their wedding night was nice, more than nice. She would not mind doing that part again.
And since the last part did not look so enjoyable to either of them, mayhap Duncan would be content with only the first part? She could admit in the deepest part of her soul that she enjoyed his kisses and would like to touch him in places she’d only seen briefly that night before passion took control. Would he allow her to do that? Did men let their wives touch them for the pleasure of it? Her mouth went dry at the thought of such caresses.
She met his gaze then and ’twas almost as though he could read her thoughts again. Marian said the only thing she could, even knowing it would draw his attention from the very thing she wished to avoid.
“Will you make arrangements for Ciara then?”
“Ciara? What arrangements?” he asked in a deep voice. He must be thinking of the bedding also. She knew that men’s voices changed when filled with passion. She wondered if his body reacted to this talk of swiving as well and glanced down at his sporran to see if any changes happened.
“I…” She cleared her throat and looked away from him. “I would prefer that we not tup in the same chamber where Ciara sleeps.”
Proud that she had gotten the words out, her courage now failed her and she let go of his arm and walked over to her daughter. Before she’d gone two paces from his side, the foul curse he spoke under his breath reached her and she shuddered.
If he did not abide by her wishes, there was little she could do about it. However, she hoped that he would go slowly in forcing Ciara to adapt to his ways. Hamish held out a small wooden bowl with some porridge in it and a chunk of cheese. She only wondered how she would get this food down her dry throat.
Duncan had watched every move she made during those first days on the journey, not quite certain of how he could approach her. There were things he needed to know before they arrived in Lairig Dubh, things about what her and Ciara’s needs were, things about…her. Iain had spoken of her upbringing and her abilities, such as chess and languages, but said little of her life over these last five years. Mostly he wanted her to tell him the truth of Ciara’s parentage and why she’d not warned him of her…condition.
The only words he’d gotten out that first day when he chanced to speak to her with a measure of privacy was to ask if she fared well. He had a need to apologize for his blundering actions in their first bedding, but he could simply not find a way to explain. How did a man tell his virgin bride that he should have recognized the signs of her inexperience when she most likely had no idea that there were signs? How did a man tell her that relations did not usually end in such a manner? And that he would have more care the next time?
The next time? He had bumbled so badly when the evidence of her purity lay on his erection, withdrawing and getting away from her and the bed as soon as he could that the next time would be a long time in coming. Then after scurrying away from her and his own mistake, he, a man of so many words, the man able to persuade and negotiate, the man able to get opposing sides together, could think of nothing to say to her. She’d sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard covered only in a sheet, and stared at him with eyes filled with confusion and pain and humiliation, only to have him stare off into the darkness.
Now, he’d just done it again, bumbling his way through another situation involving Marian and a bed. Would he never be able to deal with her as he did any other person? And how had she so misinterpreted his words and intentions? By Great Thor’s Ballocks! As his friend Rurik would say.
Duncan had never had the easy manner with women that Rurik had. In spite of his abilities to talk rational and irrational men into most anything, his mind and his words seemed to break apart when dealing with women over personal things.
Like tupping, er…bedding…sleeping arrangements!
He reached the group and was handed a bowl of porridge and a spoon. Without ever looking at her, he asked a few questions of his men to make certain they knew the plans for the rest of the day. He would speak to them privately about the night. Soon, they were on the road and would arrive at the MacCallum’s keep in a few hours. The day was clear and the road dry and good for travel, so they kept a faster pace than they had through the hills a few miles back.
As they rode, he tried to focus his thoughts as he usually did on the tasks at hand and those still ahead. He would need to send word ahead to Connor to inform his laird of the changes in the agreement with the Robertsons and why such favorable terms were offered for nothing in return. Duncan did not want Connor to hear of the terms nor the new wife Duncan brought back with him from someone else…like the MacCallum. He’d made certain not to send news of their arrival on too early or the wily old man would then order a messenger to Lairig Dubh.
What would Connor’s reaction be to this development? How much could Duncan share with his laird? By all rights, he should tell him the whole of it, for Duncan had acted on his behalf in the negotiations, but Marian had changed everything. And would the fact that she could not be Ciara’s natural mother bring so much trouble with it that Duncan should reveal such personal matters to his laird?
Once he thought of it, he realized that he did not think her complicit in her brother’s plot. Aye, she lied about the child. Nay, she could not be the whore that the gossip said she was. Aye, she would not tell her truths to him. The most likely reason for Iain’s manipulation of them both was his own marriage plans.
His sister’s presence, with the reputation she had and the apparent proof of her sinful past living with her, would not enhance marriage talks between the Robertsons and any other clan. Since Iain’s first marriage had ended in disaster with his wife’s death and that of their unborn heir in childbirth, he’d taken more than five years before searching out another wife. Now that he’d assumed his father’s chair and the leadership of the clan, he would want to marry and have an heir to follow him.
The laird’s whore sister and her bastard daughter was simply a complication that could be costly if a potential match was found and had objections to her living there. Which most noble-born women would have…’Twas probably easier to marry her off as part of another bargain and have her out of the way before proceeding with negotiations for a wife. In thinking on it, ’twas what he would have recommended to Iain—if he’d been asked.
Better to bargain her away than to answer all the questions that surrounded her and the daughter she claimed as her own. Better to pay off her husband with concessions and property than to question the honor of his dead father. Better to quickly get her out of the village and settled far away once an opportunity presented itself so she would not be a part of or obstacle to his new marriage contract.
He heard her soft laugh behind him and turned to see her exchanging words with one of the men. Farlen had been clear in his feelings about Duncan’s forced marriage to the Robertson Harlot, but with some persuasion he’d seen reason about not mentioning it to her. Now, it looked as though there was a truce of sorts between the two, for their conversation grew animated with Farlen describing something or someone with his hands and Marian’s eyes growing wider with each gesture.
Ciara rode now with Tavis, who had become her newest admirer and who, he knew, was in the process of carving more animals for her collection. Seeing the exhaustion growing in both Marian’s and Ciara’s posture and expressions, he thought on staying an extra day with Jocelyn’s family. First, though, he decided to speak to Marian about it. Nodding to Hamish to take the lead, Duncan waited for him to come forward before pulling his horse out to the side of the group and waiting for her to catch up with him.
“Farlen, ride on,” he ordered as he pulled in next to Marian in the group. Farlen nodded to both of them and dropped back to take a position at the end of their group. He allowed a space to form between them and the nearest riders before broaching the first subject with her.
“I would apologize to you for my behavior, Marian,” he said in a low voice. “If I had known you were…you were…”
Damn, but he stumbled over words again with her! His horse sensed his agitation and shifted beneath him until he gathered the reins tighter in his grasp. Finally he thought on the way in which she had spoken plainly to him and realized that it was the manner in which he should address his concerns to her.
“If I had known that you were inexperienced in the ways a man and woman join, I could have done things differently.”
Her blue eyes widened in astonishment and her mouth dropped open and she appeared ready to fall off her horse. This was not proceeding as well as he’d hoped. The silence around them drew his attention and Duncan saw that his men were all trying, inconspicuously or openly, to listen to their conversation. He leaned over, took Marian’s reins from her hands and led her horse off the road to a small copse of trees. Ordering the rest on with a wave, and a smile at Ciara to ease her way, he waited until they were a distance away that made hearing them impossible. If he’d been surprised by her reaction to his words, he never considered what her words would do to him.
“Which things could you have done differently, Sir Duncan?”
Now it was his turn to shake his head and be surprised. “Do you wish a specific answer or something less so?” he asked.
“I should have told you,” she said softly. “I planned to tell you, but then…”
She stopped and he noticed her breathing changed. As he watched the rise and fall of her chest, something of his began to rise as well and he caught her gaze resting there while it did. Although there seemed room enough, his tented plaid made his arousal obvious to anyone looking.
As she still did.
If he did not change the path of their thoughts and conversation, Duncan feared he would pull her from her horse and take her right there on the ground. Not a way to clear up the misunderstandings between them and certainly not a way to make his new wife believe he was no ravening beast who would have her even in the presence of her daughter. He handed her reins back to her and turned his horse to face hers. A bit of distance between them was a good thing.
“Aye, if I had known you were a virgin, I would not have…I would not have…” He stopped and cleared his throat, wondering if this was a good idea after all. “Marian, I will just say it—I would not have thrust into you so carelessly if I had known. There are ways to ease a woman’s first time and I could have done that.”
“And the next time?” she asked.
This would be the death of him. He was trying to speak candidly about what had happened, but in his mind all he could hear were the sounds she’d made as he touched her and the way that she writhed in his arms as he brought her pleasure. And that part of him that had not the full measure of gratification it wanted also responded. Drawing himself back from the swirling state of arousal that was taking hold, Duncan brought himself to the task he’d set and finished explaining.
“There will not be pain the next time. And I will try to make certain that you receive the same pleasure that I do from our joining.”
She shivered then, in the middle of the day, in the midst of the bright sunshine and warm breezes off the loch, and he smiled at her body’s reaction. Supremely proud that he had not bungled the entire experience for her, he felt some hope for them.
“I cannot allow that if Ciara is sleeping in our chambers,” she said in a grave voice. “I worry that she would be frightened.”
“Marian,” he said. Shaking his head, he moved closer. “I have no intention of having anyone else in our chambers when we sleep or tup. When we join, when we share pleasure, it will be our private time.”
“But Ciara sleeps with me,” she said, not demanding, simply explaining if her tone was true. “She has always done so.”
“We live as man and wife now, Marian. Some things must change.” Her expression grew worried and all the lightness and amusement left as the truth of his words sank in. “There is time for deciding the way of things between us. Once we settle in at Lairig Dubh, we will work all of these matters out between us.”
He looked down the road and saw that the rest had traveled on over a short rise and were several furlongs away from them. Thinking to end the tension between them, he nodded at the rest of the group. “Should we catch up with them?”
She seemed to catch his meaning and smiled. “A race then?” She took the reins and readied them around her hands and wrists.
“And the winner?” he asked, enjoying the way her face now lit with enthusiasm at a challenge. “Should there be a prize for the winner?”
“The loser must kiss the winner whenever they are asked to.”
He was still staring at the gleam in her eyes as she left him in the dust. Not certain if she would ask him or not if she won, Duncan decided not to be chivalrous at all. He wanted to win now that she’d set the prize and so he urged his mount on, overtaking and passing her just before they caught up with the others. The laughter that bubbled out of him felt good, a welcome change to the seriousness and dread that had filled him for days. And the matching laughter from Marian, made his heart tighten in a way he never expected.
Most of all it felt good to be a winner.
Now he need only decide when to collect the prize.