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Chapter Twenty-five

Kara

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Kara knew Flora’s surgery would take a long time, but the day dragged on and on as she and Janet waited for news. Brody had sent texts with updates that all appeared to be going well. Finally, about four that afternoon, he texted that she was out of surgery and the doctors felt confident they’d gotten most, if not all, of the cancerous cells.

Feeling relieved, she went to her dance class. She’d just showered and was on her way downstairs to make dinner for her and Janet when she heard the doorbell. When she opened the door, Doctor Jon Waller stood under the porch awning holding a bottle of wine. Jeans and a sweater had replaced his usual dress slacks and a button-down shirt.

No wonder Janet has a crush on him. She’d thought it the first time she’d met him, and every time since. He was at least six feet tall with thick salt and pepper hair cut short, a strong jaw and deep green eyes.

“Good evening, Kara.”

She ushered him inside. “Come in. What brings you out tonight?”

“Janet texted earlier to ask me for dinner, which a lonely guy like me never turns down.”

Dinner? Janet hadn’t mentioned there might be three for tonight. “I was about to get dinner started. I’ll go get her.”

He stopped her with a hand on her arm. “May I ask you something? About Janet.”

“Sure.”

“Do you have a read on whether this is a date or not?” He held up the wine. “I took a chance that it was.”

She thought fast. What was the best answer? It must have been spontaneous, or Janet would have asked her if she would make dinner for three instead of two. She lowered her voice. “All I can tell you is that she regrets not saying yes when you asked her out. Therefore, I think you should proceed like this is a date.” Janet must have finally gotten her courage up. Good for her.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said. “I’m so out of practice. I was so embarrassed the first time she said no that I didn’t want to risk asking again. Although, I’ve been getting signals lately that wanted me to ask again.”

“You were right. Between you and me, she must have finally gotten her courage up because I had no idea you were on your way here.”

“Between you and me, I’ve never taken a shower as fast as I did just now.”

They laughed as Kara led him into the living room. “Now you open that wine, and I’ll let Janet know you’re here.”

“No need, dear. I’m here.” Janet came into the room using her crutches. She’d gotten fast over the past few weeks. A light blue blouse paired with a long skirt that almost hid her cast flattered her slim frame. She had fixed her hair in attractive waves around her face and done her makeup, including a bright lipstick.

“You look beautiful,” Jon said.

“Thank you.” Janet’s eyes sparkled. “Kara, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you we had a guest, but it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. We were chatting on the phone while you were at your dance class, and I suddenly thought we needed company for dinner—to keep our minds off Flora.”

“It’s no problem. I always make too much anyway.” She switched the fireplace on and dimmed the overhead lights. “That’s better. It was much too bright in here.” Kara exchanged glances with Jon. “I’m happy to whip up dinner for you two, but I can’t stay.” What excuse should she make? “I promised Honor I’d meet her in town for a glass of wine.”

“Oh, well, some other time,” Jon said. “We can talk shop.”

Kara nodded. “I’d love your advice on possible job prospects.”

“Sure, yes. Anything I can do to help,” Jon said.

“For when she’s done here,” Janet said. “Which won’t be for at least a month.” She smiled up at Kara. “We’re attached to her already.”

Kara almost burst into tears. “Me too, Janet. Okay, I’m off to make dinner.” She scampered to the kitchen before she embarrassed herself.

Once there, it occurred to her that a bottle of wine needed a food pairing. She prepared a cheese and cracker plate, along with slices of apple.

Jon and Janet were sitting on the couch when she came into the room with the tray. “I thought you two might enjoy an appetizer before dinner,” Kara said as she placed the tray on the coffee table in front of them.

“How nice,” Janet said.

“Perfect. A little wine will make me so much better looking, but I don’t want to get drunk on our first date.” Jon winked at Kara like they were in cahoots to win Janet’s affection. Trust me, you don’t need my help.

“To our first date.” She held up her glass.

Before they clinked glasses, Kara made herself scarce. Not that they seemed to notice her. They only had eyes for each other.

Kara set the dining room table for two and finished the stir fry. Before she invited Jon and Janet in to eat, she lit some candles. Not that lighting was important. Given the way they gazed at each other, fluorescent lights would have been just as romantic as candlelight.

She texted Honor.

Any chance you could meet me in town for a drink?

A few minutes later Honor responded.

I’m cozy here at home, but do you want to come over? I can open some wine.

Perfect.

***

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KARA ARRIVED AT HONOR’S a few minutes late, having underestimated how long it would take to drive the narrow street from town up to Honor’s home. As she pulled into Honor’s driveway, the sun descended into an orange horizon. The weather had shifted that morning, with a cloudless sky and sunshine that gifted the afternoon with temperatures in the upper sixties.

Honor’s house was built into the gently sloped hill above town and nestled amongst pines and maples. The yard appeared well maintained, although simple, with a cement walkway and modest shrubs. She rang the doorbell and turned back to look at the view. It struck her, once again, how extraordinary it was to be here. Would she be able to stay long term? Unlikely. But for now, she intended to absorb every moment of the beauty.

Honor opened the door, wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, with her hair piled in a messy knot on her head. Kara was struck at how young and innocent she looked without makeup and dressed so casually. Hidden under Honor’s bravado was a little girl looking for love.

“Come on in,” Honor said. “Did you have any trouble finding it? The driveways can be confusing here.”

Driveways on both sides of the narrow road were not well marked with addresses, other than Honor’s. Hers was marked not only with the street number, but also her last name: Sullivan. Kara suspected the sign represented more than just simple directions. “I found you with no problem. I like your sign.”

Honor smiled. “I do too.”

Kara followed Honor inside. Her home was not at all what Kara expected. Ash wood floors, minimalist furniture, and walls the color of sandstone were understated and calming. The living room, decorated in blues and white with an oversized couch and chairs, looked out through picture windows to the ocean. Business, fashion, and food magazines peppered the coffee table. A bookshelf along the back wall was filled with self-help books.

“Come on back to the kitchen, and I’ll pour us some wine,” Honor said.

With a refurbished table and rustic cabinets, the kitchen was an updated take on the traditional farmhouse. A ceramic rooster and a few tins were the only items on the counters. 

“Your house is so nice,” Kara said. Jealousy threatened to ruin her mood. She would not let it. Good for Honor. Someday she would have a beautiful home of her own. Like she used to. She swallowed her bitterness and focused on her hostess.

Honor opened wine, chatting about the process of refurbishing the kitchen. “I made this Pinterest board for the designer with the types of kitchens I liked. She came back with this design, saying I have a country girl’s heart, which I find hilarious given how I am. You know, like, I don’t eat it if I can’t make it in my microwave. But there’s something about this kitchen that makes me want to start grinding or mashing my own baby food or whatever it’s called. If I had a baby, which I don’t and probably won’t.”

“Why not?” Kara asked.

“I’d be a terrible mother. I’m way too selfish.”

“You take care of Brody pretty well,” Kara said.

“Yes, and he is a giant baby.”

Kara laughed. “He’s giant, that’s for sure.”

“It’s not his fault. Flora’s spoiled him rotten,” Honor said. “It’s ridiculous how she still treats him like he’s ten.”

“You weren’t the one who had to sit through an afternoon of ‘how to cook for Brody’ lessons.”

“I don’t know how you got through that afternoon without one snarky comment. I could never have done that,” Honor said.

Honor grabbed two glasses and the bottle of wine and directed Kara back to the living room. They settled into the soft sofa as the last sliver of sun washed the room in a warm glow. She was comfortable here with Honor. She must allow her heart to be open to the idea of new friendships, even though she missed Jessica with the ache of a consistent, low-grade fever.

“Are you hungry?” Honor asked. “I put out snacks.”

Kara hadn’t noticed the tray of cheese and crackers when she’d come through the first time. This small touch surprised Kara. She hadn’t pegged Honor for the hostess type.

“How did you find this place? I haven’t seen a for sale sign on a house since I moved here,” Kara said.

Honor reminded her that she’d inherited the house from an aunt. “She was my great-aunt, actually. She and my mother’s mother were sisters. They’d had a falling out at some point and lost touch. I didn’t even know I had any relatives, let alone one who wanted to leave me her house. Her name was Caroline Marie and she was eighty-eight when she died. She lived her last days in her own house which, as far as I’m concerned, is the best anyone can hope for. Aunt Caroline never met my mother or me, but for some reason, she left the house to me. I just got a call one day, right after I’d aged out of the foster system that I’d inherited a small sum of cash and a house from Great-Aunt Caroline. A house with no mortgage in California. That’s like winning the lottery.”

“It’s unbelievable, considering your childhood.”

“Right? We couldn’t make this stuff up,” Honor said.

“Anyway, the cash sum wasn’t much—not enough for college tuition or anything like that. At that point, I knew I wanted to get a degree, and I had good grades from high school, but no way to pay for it. Even with loans, it would have been a stretch. So, I came here to Cliffside Bay to look at this house, figuring I’d sell it and take the money and run, so to speak. I had this whole life planned. Graduate from college with a business degree and move to L.A. Get a job anywhere I could and hustle my butt off and slowly work my way up, which I know, doesn’t sound like someone in our generation, but when you grow up like I did, you know nothing in life is owed to you. When you’re like me, you have to work for every damn thing.” She drank from her glass of wine. “But as they say, make plans to make God laugh, or whatever it is, because the minute I drove into town and walked into this house, I fell in love. It took some imagination to see how this house could shine, kind of like the girlfriend with no fashion sense that needs a good makeover. First off, the house had the smell of a reclusive old lady.”

“What’s that smell?” Kara asked.

“Damp newspapers, rose perfume, and dirty hair.”

Kara laughed. “Was all her stuff still here too?”

“Yeah. It was filled with all kinds of old lady stuff. I swear there were fourteen sets of ugly china with various flower patterns, all displayed in cabinets with fussy carvings. Furniture that belonged in the forties, all flowered patterns and dark wood. It wasn’t just the way it was decorated either. There was a ton of shit in here. The upstairs bedrooms were the worst. It was a lifetime of stuff you leave on the kitchen table thinking you’ll clean it up tomorrow. Old magazines stacked as high as the ceiling. Boxes of old letters. Enough books to create an entire library.”

“Did you fix it up yourself?”

“Kind of. I had a giant garage sale, which when you’re eighteen years old and never had more stuff than could fit in a shoebox—it was like planning a freaking wedding. I spent the entire summer sorting through everything and deciding if it was yard sale worthy or needed to be thrown out for the sake of humanity. I basically got rid of everything and started over.”

“That’s amazing,” Kara said. “What did you do about college, then?”

“I decided to go to the junior college that’s about a half hour from here and get a job to support myself. I figured it might take me a little longer, but I’d get to keep the house. I lived in this house with almost no furniture—literally, it echoed in here—and worked for Zane’s dad at the bar. This was eight years ago—long before he got sick. I transferred to a four-year college when it was time and did live in Los Angeles while I finished. Ironically, I decided it was definitely not for me. Way too many narcissists. Plus, there was something about this place that felt like home, like I belonged here, which is weird since I didn’t have one clue what that actually felt like, and the people here were not exactly welcoming. Regardless, I couldn’t wait to come back. When I graduated, I came back here with absolutely no plan. But as luck would have it, I applied for the position with Brody and, voila, here I am. I feel lucky, but not guilty over my good fortune.” Her pretty features clouded over as she sipped from her glass. “The first eighteen years of my life sucked bad enough that I guess the universe figured it owed me.”

“I’m impressed,” Kara said. “You’ve made a great life for yourself, despite your circumstances.”

Honor shrugged as she picked up a cracker. “Nothing like poverty to motivate you.”

“Yes. And having no other choice but to make things happen, despite everything.”

“Exactly.” Honor munched on her cracker and looked over at Kara. “What about you? What’s your story? Brody says you’re an enigma.”

“An enigma?”

“Yeah. He says you have a big secret.”

Kara swirled her wine, thinking of a response. “I’m private about my past. That’s all.”

“He’s paranoid because of what happened with Samantha. Did he tell you about that?”

Kara nodded. “She sounds psychotic.”

“She was the worst. I would give anything to beat the crap out of her. Unfortunately, I’d go to jail.”

“I can’t imagine how anyone could live with themselves after that,” Kara said.

“Yeah, me either. And Brody, honestly, wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t see it coming. For one thing, he was thrust into fame almost overnight. The minute he started winning games for San Francisco, he was bombarded with fans and women and so-called friends. Plus, he grew up so sheltered from anything bad. Great family, great looking, super talented. I mean, what does he know of trouble, right?”

“He does now,” Kara said.

“Exactly. That’s why he’s so particular about his inner circle. The fact that he trusts you even though you’re private about your past says a lot. This may surprise you, but there’s a lot of nasty people out there,” Honor said.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. I worked in the trauma unit in a major hospital for eight years. I saw the worst of humanity.” Not to mention my father’s a criminal.

“I bet you’ve seen some bad stuff,” Honor said. “My goal in life was to not be one of those people who ended up in your hospital.”

“You’ve done well with little. You should be proud.”

“Thanks, but you know, survival and all that.” Honor filled their glasses. “So, what about you? Do you miss your old life at all?”

“Sometimes.”

“Well, whatever brought you here, I’m glad you’re here.” Honor stood and ambled over to the window. “Sometimes I stand here at night and watch the ships or the way the moonlight shines on the water and I can’t believe I live here.”

“I’d never seen the Pacific Ocean until I moved here. I had no idea it would be this pretty on the west coast.”

“I have a question for you.” Honor turned back to look at her. “I’m going to step way over a boundary here, just fair warning.”

“Go for it,” Kara said.

“Is there anything brewing between you and Brody?”

“Brewing?” She pretended she didn’t understand what Honor was asking. She knew. How she knew. Was it that obvious she had feelings for him?

“I see the way he looks at you,” Honor said.

Kara swallowed. “You do?” How does he look at me?

“Yeah, this is going to sound really weird, so bear with me. But it’s a combination of how he looks at his mother, Flora, and me, only he’s attracted to you. He adores Flora and wants to protect her; he admires his mother and wants to live up to her standards. With me, he feels safe and understood and that I always have his back. With you, it’s like all those feelings combined, only he’s obviously smitten with you. I swear, I can see the spark every time you guys are together. I know it probably sounds insane, but I get feelings about stuff sometimes, and I have a feeling about the two of you. I just hope he doesn’t mess it up by being a skittish jerk, which, trust me, he’s quite capable of.”

“I work for him. It’s not appropriate.” She could not allow herself to be lulled into the idea that it was possible to have a relationship with him. He was famous. To be with him was a death sentence. She knew this. Why then, did she allow herself this momentary daydream? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Yeah? Well, I’ve caught you looking at him the same way.”

“I admit I’m attracted to him, but nothing can come of it,” Kara said.

“I’m not one for flowers and hearts and all that junk, but there’s something special between you two, and I wanted to tell you that he’s going to try and push you away, but you have to ignore that because it’s not really what he wants. He’s just afraid to get involved after his last experience. He says it’s because of football, but that’s bull. Down deep Brody’s just a softie with a huge, huge heart. Despite the fact that he could lift a truck, he’s idealistic. He’s looking for what his parents had. So, I just wanted to say my piece, even though it’s Fenway Park out of the boundaries of proper etiquette. But I love that guy more than anyone in the world, and I want him to be happy.”

“At first, I thought you two might be together. I saw you hugging that one day.”

“What?” Honor scrunched her face up in horror. “That’s so gross.”

Kara laughed.

“No, it’s not Brody I’m lost over,” Honor said. “I have problems of my own.”

“Zane?”

Honor stared at her. “How did you know?”

“Same reason you know about Brody.”

“So, wait a minute.” Honor plopped back onto the couch. “Let me get this straight before we go on to me. You do have feelings for him too?”

“Yes. But, it’s not a good idea.” She hesitated. The almost truth. “I have some things in my past...secrets...that I can’t share with anyone. And Brody’s a man of integrity. He’s a man who’s been lied to in the past, and I can’t do that to him. I can’t entertain a relationship with him when I can’t tell the whole truth about who I am.”

“Do you think any relationship is without secrets? Trust me, if every happily married couple knew every detail of their spouse’s past, no one would stay married. Some things need to stay in the past. There’s stuff that went down in my life that I’ll never share with another living soul. Does that mean I shouldn’t be in a relationship?” She stopped and took a sip of wine. “Actually, in my case, it probably should mean that. But, in your case, whatever it is doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love with Brody.”

Kara was so stunned by the entire conversation, she wasn’t sure what to say next. Was Honor right? Did everyone keep secrets from their lovers? But hers was so big. Hers was an entire life that she had to pretend never happened. Her secret could cause her own death.

“Will you at least keep an open mind?” Honor asked.

“I don’t know.” I do know. I can’t. I cannot get involved with Brody Mullen. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t and continue to live without fear of detection. Anyway, Honor was reading too much into the physical attraction that Brody felt for her. It was merely that and the fact that he’d been alone for too long. Change the subject.

“What’s going on with you and Zane?” asked Kara.

“Well, let’s see if I can sum it up. I’ve had a crush on him from the time I was eighteen years old. He came home for a few weeks to visit his dad. He’d just graduated from USC, which I thought was so dreamy. You know, a college boy. I couldn’t stop staring at him the entire two weeks. He didn’t notice me. At all. I was just a kid to him, I guess.”

“Well, you were,” Kara said.

“Right. Only I didn’t know it. Anyway, he went back to L.A. and I only saw him occasionally. But I crushed on him big time. Not a serious crush, mind you, but a schoolgirl one. Anyway, I graduated from college and got the job with Brody, basically through Zane’s dad’s recommendation. Next thing I knew, Zane was engaged. I didn’t think much about it. By then, I was in Brody’s world. Flying everywhere for games and learning so much and meeting a ton of hot guys. Sleeping with a ton of hot guys.”

How had she done that? It was the last thing a broken girl needed. She kept that thought to herself, but Honor must have seen it on her face because she laughed.

“You’re a bit of a prude, Kara Eaton.”

“I am.” She smiled. “It’s my Catholic school upbringing.”

“I don’t think of sex like most women do. It’s just physical to me. But anyway, I’d forgotten all about Zane. Then, his wedding was called off and his dad got sick and suddenly he was back in my world.” Her voice hushed. “The thing is—Zane’s dad meant a lot to me. He was the first adult in my life who I could trust. The only old guy who didn’t either hit on me or assault me. He treated me like a daughter and taught me a ton about the restaurant and bar business. He didn’t show any signs of Alzheimer’s then, but a year or so later Brody asked me if I’d noticed anything. I started going by the bar more to check on him. I didn’t want to admit it, but Brody was right. It happened so fast. A bit later, Zane came home for good and took over for his dad. I hated seeing Hugh decline. I don’t handle that kind of thing well, but I made it a point to always go by and see him. Even now, I go up to the place he’s staying at least once a week. He doesn’t remember me. Sometimes he gets confused and thinks I’m his daughter, which is weird because he never had one.”

“He thought of you that way when he was well,” Kara said.

Honor’s eyes filled. She looked away and sipped her wine. “I like to think so.”

“Does Zane know you visit his dad?”

“No. I always go on Friday afternoons. Zane goes on Mondays because the bar’s slow. Anyway, it’s been the last year or so that my thing for Zane totally reared its ugly head. I don’t know what it is about him, but I find him so...so awesome. At first it was just his looks, but over the years I started to notice the kind of man he is. Did you know he has his staff package up whatever food is left over from the specials and send it over to the church to feed the homeless people?”

“Cliffside Bay has homeless?” Kara asked.

Everywhere has homeless people,” Honor said. “We just hide them better than most places.”

“Right.”

“One night, right before I met you, I stopped by to get dinner. The place was packed and two of Zane’s servers had called in sick, so I put on an apron and helped him out. It was kind of fun. Took me back in time. Anyway, I stayed after closing and helped him get ready for the next day. I told him a bunch of stories about his dad, which was awesome. Next thing I know, he asked if I wanted to go upstairs to see it. It’s to die for. He totally renovated it with his own hands, which I find so freaking sexy.” She pulled the clip out of her hair and let it fall around her shoulders. As she finished her story, she wrapped it into a thick knot and secured it with the clasp. “One thing led to another. And I did my thing, which is to leave when the guy’s asleep. I hate to deal with the messy parts at the end of things, so I always go first. So I did that. And ever since then, he won’t even look at me.”

“You haven’t talked about any of this since then?” Kara asked.

“No. I can’t figure out what to say or do.”

“Because you have feelings for him.”

“I think so. I mean, I know so. I just don’t know what they mean. I’ve never been in love. Have you?”

Had she? She had relationships over the years, but nothing serious. “I guess not. I’ve been career focused and I always had this rule never to date people at work. And where else do you meet people but at work?”

“Bars.”

They laughed.

“I think you should talk to Zane. Tell him how you feel.”

“But then what? Am I supposed to fall in love and have babies?” Honor asked.

“Well, that might be a bit of a leap. Maybe you could have a date that didn’t start with sex.”

“Interesting concept.” Honor laughed before instantly sobering. “The thing is, I don’t think he feels the same way. I think he just got carried away the other night. I mean, the guy lives like a monk.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Kara said.

“You mean by talking to him? Yeah, that just doesn’t sound like me.”