“Fuck, Priya, how can someone so sober have such bad aim?” Aaron groaned with a slur to his words as we walked to my car just after midnight. He had one arm over my shoulders, and I had one arm around him, although my arm was more of a guiding tool and his was being used to physically support himself. I had never seen Aaron get so drunk before, but in two rounds of beer pong, both of which we lost miserably, he was forced to drink everything—on top of the mixed drink he’d been holding already when we started.
At my car, I put him in the passenger seat and buckled him in, then rushed to the driver’s side, turned the car on, and lowered his window so he had fresh air.
“Where am I taking you, Aaron? Cameron is passed out on Brad’s couch, so his place is out.”
Aaron groaned.
“Can I stay with you tonight? There’s no way I can go home, and I don’t want to stay in this shit show,” he said.
My eyes widened, my breath hitched, and my heart raced.
Aaron’s head rolled to the side as he inched toward the open window, and I weighed the pros and cons of him staying with me.
Pros: he would be safe, his parents wouldn’t find out, and if he needed anything, I would be there to help him.
Cons…
My mind drew a blank at cons, and yet, there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me this was wrong.
Okay, Priya, what is going on? You’re dating. It’s fine. It’s natural to want to stay with your boyfriend. You’re a hot-blooded young teen. It’s natural.
Then why did I feel uneasy? Why was I holding back?
Aaron’s breathing was labored. When he gagged, I put aside my hesitations and decided to drive him to my place.
What’s the worst that can happen?
The whole drive to my house, I was on edge. My hands were trembling as I gripped the steering wheel, and a cold, anxious sweat covered my body.
This isn’t right. This isn’t right.
Why? Why isn’t this right?
He’s not Dimitri!
In a flash, my anxiety turned into anger as I turned the corner that led to my neighborhood.
I was so tired of the fact that I was still battling myself over Dimitri. The disappointment in myself that coursed through me was excruciating, and knowing that Aaron was passed out in my passenger seat was the only thing keeping me from crying out of pure frustration.
I parked my car in the driveway and gripped the steering wheel even tighter as I took a few deep breaths, in and out, counting down and grounding myself once more before pushing the car door open, a little roughly. I rushed to Aaron’s side and eased his door open, gently nudging him awake.
As I moved Aaron from the car to the house, and somehow up the stairs, his minor groans and mumbles were actually doing a pretty good job of keeping me grounded and in the moment. The little noises he made were oddly endearing; his attempts to take care of himself were amusing, and the way he kept failing was more reason for me to remain in the here and now. I couldn’t let him hurt himself, puke on my furniture, or worse, choke on his vomit.
I sat him on the edge of my bed, but he just ended up falling onto his side. He pulled himself up the bed and toward the pillow before wrapping himself in the sheets.
My body pulsed as I watched Aaron lying in my bed and reveled in the realization that the hesitation in my stomach had dissipated. Instead, there was only a warmth that urged me to watch him and keep him safe.
The feeling was new, but this time, the novelty didn’t scare me. I couldn’t help the immense happiness spreading through me.
How did a girl like me land a guy like him?
After changing into my pajamas in the bathroom, I checked back on Aaron to make sure he was breathing and hadn’t thrown up everywhere. When he seemed safe and sound, I turned to leave, to sleep on the couch, but was stopped by an alarming groan.
“Priya? Can-can you stay with me?” he said. I turned to look and saw he was barely holding his head up.
My heart raced at the thought, but… did Aaron expect anything from me? Was he talking about doing that tonight? While he was in this state?
“I just want to sleep next to you. Not do anything. Just sleep,” he mumbled, slightly slurring his words as his head fell to my pillow, and my body relaxed.
I trusted him.
I had always felt safe with Aaron, and he had never given me reason to feel otherwise. Even in his drunken state, he was a perfectly respectful guy, and I wanted to be close to him, to cuddle up next to the man I was falling head over heels for.
I was about to get under the sheets when I saw him still on top of them, with either side pulled up and around him.
“Um, do you want to change?” I asked him softly, warmth spreading across my face.
“Is that okay?”
I nodded, then said nervously, “Do you… need help?”
“Probably.”
And the next thing I knew, I was helping him undress. It wasn’t sexy at all, honestly. It was like I was playing nurse—but again, not a sexy nurse.
His shirt was easy, but the pants had me trembling. He unbuttoned them, and I helped pull them from his ankles. When they were finally off, he fell back against the sheets and sighed happily, making me smile.
I helped him get under the sheets, and when he was situated, I climbed in next to him.
My body was tense at first, and I kept my distance from him, not sure if he wanted to touch me or if I was allowed to touch him.
Good lord, do I want to touch him.
I felt myself move closer to him, and within an instant, he had my extremely tense body in his arms, crushed against him.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
I nodded, forcing myself to relax, limb by painstaking limb.
I wanted to be there so badly, but it was all so new that I was overwhelmed by the emotions. I felt a warmth in my stomach, and elsewhere, but I didn’t want to let that get the best of me, not tonight. Tonight was special, and as I shut my eyes and relinquished myself to the heatwaves radiating off of Aaron, I let my body relax and feel the onslaught of positive emotions. I would deal with the confusion—and possible consequences—in the morning.
It wasn’t long before Aaron’s snores filled the room. I had never fallen asleep so easily to such an obnoxious noise.
Bzz. bzz. bzz.
The fog in my mind slowly cleared, and I registered the repetitive sound of my phone vibrating on my bedside table. But my body didn’t want to leave the unusually heavy warmth that surrounded me, so I clenched my eyes shut more firmly.
Finally, my phone stopped vibrating, and I sighed with relief as I turned and moved farther into the warmth, the heavy mass closing in on me once more and filling me with a happiness and comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time.
The phone started to buzz again, obnoxiously pulling me out of my cloud entirely. I opened my eyes and registered that it was still dark, that I was in bed with an almost naked Aaron, and that my phone had rung twice.
My brain came to two possible conclusions.
Option one: it was early morning or late at night, and Elli needed a ride somewhere.
Option two: my mom was calling to let me know she was either in Shanghai or leaving India.
I rolled away from Aaron and pushed the blankets off of me, my breath hitching as I felt the chilly air before I looked at my phone to see that it was just after five, and I had not two, but three missed calls from Elli’s mom.
Shit. What happened?
I immediately called Mrs. Martinez back, and she answered on the first ring.
“P-Priya, I’m sorry to wake you, but I figured you n-needed to be called.” Mrs. Martinez’s voice was wavering and cracking as she spoke, and my heart beat so heavily in my chest that my entire body pulsated with every beat.
Elli. Oh God, it’s Elli.
“Priya, Elli is in the hospital. She… she…” Mrs. Martinez broke down crying, and my breath caught as I tried to keep my calm.
She’s in the hospital, meaning she isn’t dead. That means she’s being treated. So whatever happened is treatable.
There was some muffled background noise through the phone. Then Mr. Martinez started speaking.
“Hi, Priya, it’s Jack. Elli is getting her stomach pumped right now because of alcohol poisoning, and the doctors say it isn’t looking good. Can you come as soon as possible? Elli would want you to be here.”
“I’ll be there ASAP!” I almost yelled as the overflow of emotions rocked through my body.
“Thank you, Priya. We’ll see you soon. We’re at El Camino hospital in Los Gatos. We’ll text you where to go once you get there.” Mr. Martinez hung up the phone. I jumped to my feet and ran to the light switch, flipping it on. I turned to see Aaron already out of bed and looking for his clothes, although he was staggering around. I looked down at my own clothes and figured these would have to do. There was no time for me to change into something presentable. That didn’t matter right now.
All that mattered was seeing Elli.
I’m going to give her hell when she’s recovered.
“Fuck!” Aaron let out as he fell on the floor while trying to put his pants on. He scrambled to get them up.
I looked into his eyes when he stood up, feeling a small wave of comfort wash over me. We just stood there for a moment, unable to communicate in our fear and confusion.
“She’ll…. she’ll be okay, right?” My body started to tremble, and my voice shook. Tears fell from my eyes, and I felt myself start to hyperventilate, my body coming out of the shock.
Aaron took one long stride toward me and pulled me to his body. I wrapped my arms around him and gripped him tightly, sobs erupting from my lungs.
“She’ll be okay. From what you’ve told me and what I know of her, she’s strong.” I nodded against his chest.
It was true that this wasn’t Elli’s first time being hospitalized. She had been in the hospital before, but they hadn’t called her parents. Elli had been conscious. She’d sent me a text of her hospital band the next morning with a funny comment. I was furious, to say the least, and worried out of my mind.
“Relax, baby girl, I’m stronger than that,” she’d said with a laugh when I called her.
There were no calming words from Elli this time.
Aaron pulled me away gently and rubbed the sides of my arms as I pulled myself together.
“Grab a jacket. I’ll drive. If you need to, let the crazy out in the car, but we need to head over there now and be strong for Elli and her parents,” he said.
I swiped at my eyes, taking a deep breath and counting to ten as I threw on my fleece zip-up and grabbed a pair of socks. When my socks were on and Aaron’s jacket was on, we rushed out of the house.
Aaron drove with one hand on the wheel, one hand holding mine, swiping his thumb against the back, as usual. I watched his thumb swiping back and forth, back and forth. It was hypnotic, the only thing I could focus on that would keep me from panicking. I focused every last bit of attention on the slow rhythm of the way his soft thumb felt brushing against my skin.
Even with that, my thoughts couldn’t help but catch on the memory of her last alcohol poisoning.
The memory kept playing in quick snippets. Although it wasn’t a happy memory, it brought me some comfort. If she could beat this once, she could beat it again.
“Aaron, you know I’ve never lived a day without her, right? Even when she came close to dying, she didn’t. Even when we fought, and it got nasty, we stayed together.” Tears fell from my eyes.
Aaron squeezed my hand. I squeezed back, then covered his hand with my other hand, holding our entwined hands up to my heart.
We arrived at the hospital parking lot. Aaron parked the car as close to the entrance as possible and turned the car off.
“Priya, it’ll be okay,” he whispered in the silence.
I just sat there, nearly catatonic.
“Priya? Did you let enough crazy out?” he asked, but I couldn’t respond. I looked out the window, watching the artificial lights trying to hold the darkness at bay in the world outside until the light could creep back up over the horizon. It wouldn’t be much longer—it couldn’t. This was already the longest night of my life.
“Let’s go,” I whispered, but I couldn’t move. I continued to sit, clutching Aaron’s hand against my heart. My heart beat heavily, overwhelming and shaking my body. My palms grew sweaty, either from my anxiety or from holding Aaron’s hand so tightly. I couldn’t let go, nor did I want to. I hoped Aaron didn’t mind my clammy palms.
I continued to stare at the floor mat in the car, my eyes tracing the barely lit patterns etched into the rubber. I took a deep breath, trying to ground myself.
Inhale. One
Exhale. Two
Inhale. Three
Once I was able to pull myself together, I looked at Aaron, still watching me. I nodded.
We walked through the brightly lit hospital, but the whole time, I felt like I was outside of my body—like I was being pulled along in a ride, in a daze or drugged. Aaron held my hand tightly the whole time, guiding me. He asked the nurses the right questions and navigated us through the building after being pointed in the proper direction.
I kept my head low, following Aaron’s lead. Then, abruptly, he stopped, and I almost crashed into him. I looked up from the white linoleum tiled floor to see a room number and knew it must be Elli’s room.
“It’s going to take more than just alcohol to get me.” Elli’s words echoed in my head as I stared at the door that led to her hospital room.
The sounds of the world around me didn’t seem right. Nurses walking around, people murmuring, calls being taken… such mundane tasks were making my blood boil. I felt like screaming but I kept reminding myself that she could still be fine.
She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s fine.
I stepped toward the door, shaky on my feet, and tried to employ Avery’s counting method, but I was so tense that I couldn’t just stay still. I had to act and count.
I stepped around Aaron. One… two…
I reached for the door. Three… four…
As I pulled the pocket door to the right, the sound of people crying grew louder and louder, along with a ringing in my ears. Five… six…
When the door opened, I looked at the corner of the room to see Mr. and Mrs. Martinez embracing, Mr. Martinez holding his wife tightly to him. They were both crying hysterically.
Seven… eight…
Mr. Martinez looked up at me. He shook his head, breaking down further. Nine…
“P-Priya…”
I sluggishly looked at the hospital bed, noticed how slowly the nurses were moving, and I realized what the ringing in my ear was.
“Time of death, six o-seven.”
Ten.