WHERE WE HEAD TO CLUB INFERNO
So, just so we’re clear, you want to go recruit an army of supervillains to help. This is a stupid plan,” Mandy said, walking behind me as we sneaked through the allies of Falconcrest City’s Undeveloped District. The moon was high in the air, just barely visible through clouds that obscured the city skyline to our right.
“Are any of his plans ever not stupid?” Amanda asked, following behind. All three of us were wearing black hoodies and black blue jeans, which was about the cheapest approximation of ninja outfits you could possibly make, but served as decent camouflage and simultaneously made us look harmless.
The Undeveloped District was right on the edge of the factory where Mandy believed Other Gary kept his magical reservoir. It was the part of Falconcrest City that hadn’t been demolished and replaced by futuristic skyscrapers or technology. The place looked exceptionally crowded. Hundreds of century-old buildings were packed to the rim with people who hadn’t yet been “relocated” to new housing or were simply trying to stay out of the new regime’s way.
A curfew had been instituted in the place per various signs; drones flew overhead, while military robots patrolled the streets. There was nothing quite like treating the streets like a warzone to make people feel safe. We’d passed a homeless guy who’d been gunned down and tagged for collection.
“Where are you even going to find an army of supervillains?” Amanda asked. “Most of them are dead, brainwashed, or imprisoned in places they can’t get out of. Which is an accomplishment by itself.”
“I suspect more supervillains are free than the public or Other Gary realizes,” I said. “One advantage we have over my doppelgänger is the fact that he’s always been a hero. He doesn’t have connections to the quote-unquote criminal underworld. He can hit it with the fury of his big fascist hammer—”
“That sounds like a euphemism,” Mandy said.
“It’s not,” I said, clinging to the walls of the alleyways as we struggled to stay out of the well-patrolled streets. “But he can’t actually know where all of the bolt holes and secrets are, which your average smart supervillain might. Places they could go that would allow them to hold out until things cooled down.”
“Like where?” Amanda said.
“Club Inferno,” I said.
“You’re right, this is a stupid plan,” Amanda said. “Gary, I’d ask you if you’re insane, but that’s like asking whether water is wet.”
“For those of us newly returned to this century?” Mandy asked.
“Club Inferno is a myth,” Amanda said. “A sort of ghost story for the cowardly and—”
“Superior lot,” I finished for her.
Amanda rolled her eyes. “It’s a kind of … God, I hate to do this, but I have to make a Star Wars reference—”
“Give into the Dark Side,” I said.
“Oh, shut up!” Amanda snapped, struggling not to smile. “Club Inferno is kind of a Mos Eisley for the powered underworld. It’s an extra-dimensional club supposedly carved from hell itself. The place provides every kind of pleasure imaginable. It also gives villains replacements for lost equipment.”
“It gives equipment?” Mandy asked, watching a huge four-legged tank walk by. It was surrounded by red, white, and blue armored troopers who looked like President Omega’s Darklight troopers, only with a paint job.
Amanda waited for them to pass by before responding. “Yes. It’s like a kind of living nightclub and supply house for evil. It doesn’t exist, though. It’s a rumor to cover—”
“I’ve been there,” I said. “On many occasions.”
Amanda closed her eyes. “Of course you have.”
“So, I never tried to recruit people here in the previous two timelines?” I asked Mandy.
Mandy shook her head. “No. Then again, maybe that was because President Omega left most of this city rubble during the opening hours of the war.”
“Ouch,” I said, grimacing.
“Is it like what she says?” Mandy asked. “It seems like the kind of place you’d be at home at.”
“It’s less Mos Eisley than Studio 54. Every pleasure imaginable indeed. The place rewards the wicked in accordance with the evil in your heart. I don’t think it’s a fragment of hell. I think it’s a demon that just so happens to take the form of a place.”
“Going there was a mistake,” Cloak said.
“Says you,” I mentally replied.
“How much did it give you?” Amanda asked, cutting to the heart of a conversation.
“Enough,” I replied. “It would have offered me more, but I was trying to resurrect Mandy. If I’d been trying to murder someone or kill everyone in Delaware, I imagine it would have given me a lot more.”
“Why would it help us then?” Amanda said, shaking her head.
“We’re trying to kill a guy who has brought order, stability, and prosperity to the world,” I said, shrugging. “I imagine it’s willing to give us whatever we need to kill Other Gary.”
“What?” Amanda said, stopping. “That’s … that’s ridiculous! He’s a tyrant!”
I shrugged. “One man’s villain is another man’s hero.”
“Bullshit,” Amanda said. “How are we supposed to find this place anyway?”
I looked at her. “We’re here, actually.”
Amanda stared at me. “What’s next, speak friend for open?”
“No,” I said, “though you’re getting the hang of this referencing thing. If we’re genuinely doing wrong, then the door will open here.”
“Well, that’s not likely to happen.” Amanda snorted. “We’re in the right fighting him.”
That was when the walls of the alleyway started to pull apart, revealing a red light beyond.
Amanda stared at the walls, then slumped her shoulders. “Goddammit.”
The walls continued to open … very slowly.
“Is it supposed to be taking its time like this?” Mandy asked, looking over at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Entrance into Diagon Alley isn’t immediate. The worst things come to those who wait and all that. That and we’re also bringing a—bleh—hero into the place.”
“Me or Amanda?” Mandy said.
“Yes,” I said.
Mandy looked away while Amanda stared at the ground, clearly uncomfortable with this latest development.
“This place looks familiar,” Mandy said, looking behind us at the building next to Club Inferno. It was an old garment factory and didn’t look particularly interesting, yet from her reaction, it was someplace important.
“Are you OK?” I said, walking up to her and placing my hand on her shoulder.
Mandy ran her hands along the graffiti-covered brick wall of the building. “I remember this place as it will never be.”
“What?” I asked.
Mandy took a deep breath. “This is the place Howler Squad met its end fighting the Fifth Regiment of the Death Legion. They ended up killing seventy times their number using a combination of stolen mines and hologram projectors. Even so, it wasn’t enough to hold Omega’s forces back, and the village they’d been guarding was massacred to the last child.”
“OK, that’s dark,” I said.
Amanda swatted me.
“Perhaps,” Mandy said. “I can’t help but feel for the people who have no one but me to remember them now, because they’ll never even exist. Children whose parents and grandparents never met because they grew up as the scattered survivors of a world in flames. They paid the ultimate sacrifice and I can’t even recall their names.”
“They have a memorial,” I said, taking a deep breath.
“Me? A bloodthirsty monster?”
“This world,” I said. “They were soldiers who fought and won a peace.”
Mandy stared at me, then looked up in the sky as a drone flew past us, scanning the streets. We just barely managed to move out of the way of its beam.
“OK, it’s a shitty peace, but it’s better than President Jackboot,” I said. “You’ve got to give me that.”
Mandy laughed. “I suppose I do. Do you ever wonder about who you might have been? You were a leader of men in the New World. When the last of the governments was dissolved and humanity’s resistance was all but broken, you rallied us all.”
“I bet you did a better job than me,” I said.
Mandy shook her head. “I’m a vampire, Gary. I can’t lead. I spied, assassinated, sabotaged, and seduced, but I never led.”
“Well, I suppose we can be glad I never have to lead in this world either,” I said. “Look at what Other Gary has done.”
Mandy stared. “He’s managed to guide the entire planet. Imagine what you could do with your friends beside you.”
The entrance to Club Inferno started opening much faster. It was almost completely open now.
“Fuck up things worse?” Amanda offered.
I glared at her.
“What?” Amanda said. “The club agrees.”
“Does it bother you?” Mandy asked, looking over at me.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m never going to change, Gary,” Mandy said, frowning. “I’m always going to be the woman I am today, who isn’t quite the woman you married. A woman caught between the urges of a monster and someone who failed as a hero. You can grow old, have a family, have children, or change your life, but I’m … stuck.”
“I love you, Mandy,” I said simply. “I love Cindy and Gizmo, but not the same way. I love you. I searched the world for a way to bring you back, and if not for the fact that he’s an enormous asshole, I’d have let my doppelgänger go for bringing you back to me. I don’t care about you being a vampire, and you’re not a failed superhero. You and Cloak are the reason I’m not that thing ruling this city.”
The entrance to Club Inferno started to close.
“You stay out of this!” I snapped at the door. “You do not want to piss me off! I will burn this city to the ground to get at you.”
The entrance opened fully.
“You’re the reason I’m not tearing open random people,” Mandy said. “I draw strength from our bond to keep the Hunger at bay. Even at my worst as a vampire, a part of me still loved you and wanted to keep killing only the evildoers. Now that I can feel love again, I can hold it down. Granted, just barely.”
“That’s … terrifying,” Amanda said.
“I find it romantic,” I said. “Sort of like how Edward devoured Bella after she followed him into the woods as a willing sacrifice to his ravenous thirst.”
“That’s not how Twilight went,” Amanda said.
“Is it? Is it really?” I said, smiling.
“You shouldn’t trust Mandy,” Cloak said.
“Careful, Cloak. I’m never going to choose Mandy over anyone else. Not you, not Diabloman, not even Cindy—” I projected at Cloak.
“What about your daughter?” Cloak said.
My response was to project a feeling of cold, hateful malevolence at Cloak. That was a low blow and one that made me want to reach into the astral plane and punch him. “You heard Mandy. She’s still the same person she was two centuries ago. She can’t change and that’s a good thing.”
“Vampires are deceptive creatures. You desperately wish to turn back the clock to the point before she became one of the undead. I appreciate this now, but what she says—”
“Shut up, Cloak,” I said, walking through the entrance. “I trust my wife.”
Mandy did a double take and gave a harsh glare to my cloak. “Trouble with your friend?”
I shrugged as Amanda followed. Beyond the doorway was a long circular black stone hallway that had windows along its sides looking out to a massive, brightly burning inferno. I was sure the conflagration beyond wasn’t firewater, since I could feel the heat coming up through the stones. The hallway led to a single metal door with a neon sign reading “Club Inferno” in fuchsia letters. Behind us, the entrance closed back up, leaving us no way to go but forward.
While our surroundings were strange, it was the feeling I got from them that was the most unsettling part of our journey. My mystic senses were only slightly better than your typical Muggle’s (and, man, do actual wizards hate when you call regular people that), but I could feel the power radiating outward. Unlike the energy stored in Other Gary’s towers, I could reach out and take some of the power without if I used it for selfish purposes.
Reaching the metal door, I knocked on it with my fist. “I solemnly swear I’m up to no good.”
“Jesus, Gary,” Amanda muttered.
The entire place shook a bit.
“Yeah, don’t mention that guy,” I said. “You also shouldn’t mention Buddha, Muhammed, Moses, Luke Skywalker, Link, Mario, Santa, Lao-Tzu, the Easter Bunny, or Commander Shepard.”
The club rumbled. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my warning any more than Amanda’s invocation of her god. I turned around and flipped the club off with both my hands.
“Gary, what are you doing?” Amanda said.
“Being an ass,” I said.
“Well, I suppose it is what you do best,” Amanda muttered.
Mandy, I kid you not, giggled at that.
There was another rumbling throughout the chamber that sounded distinctly like laughter. The metal door promptly swung open and I headed on in. What greeted me was a dimly-lit lobby and ticket center where six garishly dressed supervillains were waiting for me, as well as one woman in a suit of power-armor. The Human Tank was over six feet tall with the armor modified from the last time I’d seen her. She was also aiming a massive arm-cannon at me.
“You were an idiot to come here.” A deep female voice greeted me. “Prepare to die, Merciful.”
Huh, I should have seen this coming.