FOURTEEN

I’m in the waiting room.

And I’m – I’m hungry – it’s dinner time

I think –

It’s – I’m in this quiet corner and this nurse, she’s in front of

me, she’s mowing through words:

Operation a success.

I need rest – movement must be kept to a minimum.

The new nerve is sensitive, it can overload – which means the

nerve could burst into flames, inside my body.

And they didn’t tell me that before.

Or maybe they did but I didn’t read the form properly.

Tryna take it in.

The nurse is in front of me jabberin’ and I wonder maybe if

I blink hard enough and stare hard enough she’ll shut up and let

me be.

She doesn’t.

And all through my head is MMCD

I want to speak to the doctor.

That’s what I decide I want.

And I let the sentence out – the nurse looks back, puzzled.

Mary’s fuzzy.

Mary double-blinks.

I think the nurse is telling me to go home – but the doctor

walks by.

Mary’s eyes refocus, past the nurse, onto the doctor: he’s

walking in slow motion across the room, eyes all flash, teeth all

bared, arm stretched out to greet a patient.

I’m gonna interrupt him, I wanna speak to him.

Then Mary’s eyes flick across the room – and I settle on that

patient, and it’s Charley.

Shit.

Charley.

Standing, awkwardly – and she’s never an athlete, but she looks

weak: she needs to support herself as she gets up, I wonder if

she’s ill and I want to run over and comfort her, ask if she’s

okay then –

Mary’s face drops.

And it hits.

Charley’s got one hand stretched out, balancing herself, and

another on her belly.

–

Another one.

Can’t keep her legs shut.

Charley’s shaking hands with the doctor – she’s being

deliberate, she’s patting her tummy and laughing and flicking

her hair like she’s got a siren attached to her head that blares

BABY

Good. Good for her.

Mary stands.

Charley can’t see me like this.

Corner the doctor later; hide from Charley now.

Mary takes a step back.

And another and she keeps stepping back until she hits the wall.

Her right elbow hits first – thwacks against plasterboard, and

it’s agony.

Mary clutches onto her arm, holds it still.

The arms’s numb for a moment.

But then the nails start digging in, the pain’s getting worse.

Another yelp.

Both at once – the doctor and Charley – they look over.

Eye contact with the doctor.

I can’t read his face – is he calm? Or terrified? Or anything?

Keep staring.

I try to ignore Charley and I focus on the doctor.

His face is guilty and he can’t hide it. He’s talking to Charley,

trying to look professional, trying not to get distracted.

_{–Then my} brain twitches – fuck Charley: confront the doctor.

So I bounce off the wall, a line, straight, cross the room, over

to him.

I’m gonna confront him, I am gonna make a scene.

Charley’s seen me, she’s calling out – M – but I ignore her.

Mary’s pace quickens.

I’ve got demands and swearing and threats all hurled at the

doctor who is schtum and I am blaring out

M – M – C – D

again, drilling it in, cos I am demanding to know where my

daughter is.

Pain builds in my arm as Charley gets involved and her words

now are jagged and rattling, and the doctor is left to scramble

beneath us as we ROAR.

The nurse intervenes.

She has to pull me back, and Charley throws her hands in the

air, and the doctor apologises to her and snarls at me and is

gone.

Whoosh.

Before he arrived.

And I watch him.

I make a note of which door he passes through.

Mary is restrained by the nurse, guided to a seat.

Mary breathes, the nurse puts a hand on Mary’s shoulder,

checks that she’s alright, but is told to fuck off.

So Mary sits, patient.

Charley sits near Mary, but not with her.

Pause, for a long time.

She gonna speak first?

I’ve got no words, not for her.

And Charley’s got no words for me.

Charley rubs her belly, Charley sighs, like she can’t be

bothered.

Then she’s off – out – not a word.

Mary eye’s follow Charley’s figure, but only for a moment.

And then I peer around the room, check the nurse is gone,

check that I am anonymous.

Mary heaves herself up.

She focuses on the door, the one the doctor passed through.

Her arm throbs, she clutches it.

Mary takes a step towards the door.

Careful steps, one by one, each step a little –

Ow.

Pain.

step

ow

pain

step

ow

Arm steady, keep it level.

step

ow

pain

Christ alive.

Hand to the door, peek over the shoulder, pass through: and

there he is.

He’s ducking into a storage unit.

And I follow

–

–

–

–