While Avery was at work the next day, I went shopping for the ingredients to make Steak Diane, which I remembered him loving when we went out to dinner our first weekend together at Misty Mountain Lodge. I also got some freshly harvested fingerling potatoes and ingredients for a Caesar salad. Avery had to work later than usual for a Saturday because of a bridal party, so I intended to have dinner ready just after he arrived home. I would fill him full of good food before I told him my proposal for funding his makeup line.
I was still nervous he would balk at me giving him the capital he needed, but I hoped that he would accept the idea of paying me back slowly once the business was profitable. He deserved a chance, I believed in him, and I had the money. Why wouldn’t I use it to help him with this dream? I tried not to let myself worry about his reaction as I worked in the kitchen, but I failed miserably. By the time Avery called saying he was nearly done at the salon, I was a mess. I poured myself a glass of whiskey, hoping it would take the edge off my nerves. I polished it off quickly, but I still felt like I might come out of my skin. I wanted another, but I needed to be sober to talk to Avery, so I resisted the temptation.
He arrived a few minutes later, and after a long, lingering kiss, I motioned toward the balcony. “Have a seat, pour yourself a glass of wine, and I’ll bring dinner out.”
“Oh wow. Is that Steak Diane?”
“It is. Now do what I said.”
“Yes, Daddy. Thank you.”
“You deserve it, boy. You’ve had a long day after a long night.”
“I liked my long night better, though I’m pleased with how the wedding party looked.”
“I’m sure you worked magic like you always do.”
Avery loved the dinner as much as I’d hoped, and while we ate, he told me about his day and the bride who was so nervous she started crying while he was doing her makeup.
“I had to start over, but I think she looked even better the second time.”
I smiled. I’d hardly eaten anything, because I was too busy watching him. “You’re amazing.”
“It’s just makeup.”
“Not just your makeup skills, everything about you.”
His cheeks went pink, and I reached for his hand. “I want to ask you something, and I need you to promise to hear me out before you say yes or no.”
He frowned. “You’re making me nervous.”
Rather than apologizing or trying to reassure him, I just dove in. “I want to invest in your makeup line.”
“Invest?”
“I want to be your backer, so you can start your business now.”
Avery shook his head. “I won’t take money from you.”
“I asked you to hear me out before you responded.”
He took a deep breath. “I can’t do this as role play.”
I fought back annoyance. “I wasn’t… That wasn’t a command as your daddy. That’s what I would ask of anyone I was making a business proposition to.”
“Oh.” He looked away. “I’m sorry.”
I laid my hand over his. “It’s not your fault. Neither of us are used to this or understand exactly where our lines are. You were right to stop me and be clear about what you needed. I just really want to help you. Please consider my offer.”
He nodded. “Okay, but what if I never make any profit?”
“Then I don’t get a return on my investment. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that has happened.”
“But you’re not just some investment firm. You’re… We’re… I don’t want to complicate this. There’s already so much we’re unsure of, and you live in Charlotte and have a life there, and I’m here, and I love playing Daddy and boy, but I can’t let you support me, but if I’ll still have to work then I won’t have time to create products to sell, and—”
“Take a breath.”
He did, a shaky one. Then he looked away and wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry. I think all of this has just been building, and… I don’t know. I didn’t mean to freak out on you. It’s really great of you to offer, but I just can’t.”
I squeezed his hand. “Things have been amazing for these last weeks, but our relationship has been sort of removed from reality.” Something I’d been trying to ignore. “We aren’t always going to immediately agree on everything. If we’re going to keep doing this, we’ll argue some, and we’ll have to talk things through. Then hopefully have amazing make-up sex.”
Avery smiled. “Yeah, and I might need discipline for talking back.”
“You just might.”
“But, a relationship can’t just be weekends of hot fucking, can it?”
My stomach knotted. He wasn’t saying we should break up, was he? “Not for the long term maybe, but it’s not a bad start. I know we’re going to have to consider a lot of things and find a way to work through them, but I’m here for that. I want you, all of what you have to offer, not just your ass.”
We sat in silence for several moments. I traced patterns on his palm as my pulse whooshed in my ears. I was afraid of saying something to break this fragile thing between us. Our bond seemed so strong when I had him on his knees or bent over the bed, but right now I didn’t feel the certainty about our future that I had the night before. I was scared all the complications of age, distance, and income would defeat us.
“I want you to know that even if we weren’t together, if Carter and Felicity had told me about your business plans, I would be willing to loan you money.”
“Loan, not give.”
“I said you could pay me back once you were making a profit. This is a long-term deal.”
“Why would you do that? I mean if we weren’t even…”
“Because you’re talented, and I have money, and I would do anything for my kids if they asked.”
He blew out a long breath. “I need a lot of money.”
“Fortunately, that’s what I have.”
“I’ll think about it, all right?”
I pushed my chair back, circled the table, and knelt by him. “Thank you. I want this for you. I want to help you make your dream come true.”
He took my hands, then leaned down and kissed me. “I know you do, and that means a lot to me. I just need time to think.”
We didn’t talk about Avery’s business—or any of the other issues hanging over us—for the rest of the weekend. We watched movies and fucked, went for a hike and stopped for a hand job in the woods, went out to brunch and I damn near begged him for a bathroom blowjob. But, though neither of us mentioned it, something felt off. We were less in sync with each other than we’d ever been, and we were stepping back from our role play far more than usual. Not consciously, at least not on my part, but it felt natural because there was more distance between us. Being a daddy felt more like a game, like it had with other boys I’d played with. That scared me, because even the day Avery and I met, we’d fallen into those roles like they were made for us.
When we kissed goodbye, I didn’t say anything about how concerned I was, because I was afraid of making things worse. I told Avery I’d come back on Friday, and I told myself things would be better then, and we’d figure this out.
But as I opened the door, I couldn’t let myself leave without saying something. I let go of the doorknob and turned to face him. “I could move here. It wouldn’t be that hard. I loved living in Asheville, and I only left because I needed distance from Louise and a place to explore life as a gay man without our old judgmental friends appearing everywhere I went.”
Avery shook his head. “But your life is in Charlotte now. Your friends, your work.”
“I own plenty of properties in this area too. It just hasn’t been my focus lately. I’d have to drive down to Charlotte every few weeks, but I don’t have to live there. I can hire someone to manage a lot of the work there. I can have meetings over Skype. There are lots of ways to work this out.”
“No, I can’t let you move just for me. Not now, not yet.”
Those words stung. Did he not feel as strongly about staying together as I did? “But, I—”
“It’s too much, too soon.”
“Is it really?” I asked.
Avery looked down. “No. Yes. I don’t know. What I feel for you seems so strong and that scares me. What if you move and then…”
I didn’t even want to think about us breaking up, but he deserved an answer. “Then I’m living in a beautiful town. I can see my children more often, and Leo will be here a lot if he buys Thrust.”
“I need to think about this. All of this. You’re offering so much. I should be happy, but I… I don’t know what to say.”
I pulled him into my arms and held him tight. “It’s all right not to know. But I couldn’t leave without telling you that I would move for you. I would do anything for you. That’s how important you are to me.”
“Thank you, Daddy.”
I kissed him, trying to make him feel how much I cared, since communicating physically came so much easier to us.
A few moments later, he pulled back. “You should go. You said you had an early meeting tomorrow.”
“Okay, I’ll text you when I’m home.”
He closed the door behind me, and it was all I could do not to turn around again. I wanted to scoop him up, carry him to bed, and fuck him until we forgot all the things we were worried about.