Langur |
noun: any of various arboreal monkeys of South and South East Asia having long hair surrounding the face, a slender body, long tail. Genus: Presbytis. |
Dandelions |
noun: a plant, native to Europe and Asia having yellow rayed flowers and notched basal leaves. They can be used in salads or wine. Taraxacum officinale. |
2 |
noun: the cardinal number that is the sum of one and one. Often used to denote a sequel. |
‘The company is called Icon Films,’ said Harry over sushi. ‘We make a lot of documentaries. We’re working on things at the moment about the Barbary pirates, what killed Charles Darwin and the Natural History of the Cow; that kind of thing.’
‘I see,’ I said, as if those three subjects were actually a kind of thing. ‘And one of the shows was about Bhutan, right?’
‘Yeah,’ said Harry, ‘it was our production but we work with American distributors.’
‘Hence my trip to Washington …’
‘Exactly,’ said Harry. He sipped thoughtfully at his green tea. ‘You didn’t really go all the way to Washington on the off chance did you? When we were here in Bristol all along?’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘it was on my way.’
‘On your way where?’ asked Harry, incredulous.
‘LA.’
I think I noticed Harry moving his chair a little further away from the table. Harry was charming in a slightly foppish way. He had a neatly trimmed goatee beard, a floppy public-school fringe and a remarkably relaxed manner for one so busy. (‘I have a conference call at three but I can squeeze you in,’ he’d said. ‘That’s the thing with the Americans, they love a conference call.’)
His company had been going for a while now and he exuded the calm confidence that only really comes with long-term success. He knew what Icon Films were good at and he knew that other people knew it too.
‘Do you know Donald Sutherland?’ he asked.
‘Of course,’ I said, ‘he’s an amazing actor.’
‘He narrated the Bhutan film,’ said Harry, looking justifiably pleased with himself. ‘I’ll give you a tape before you leave if you’re interested.’
‘You know, this whole thing is just getting a bit weird,’ I said.
‘What is?’
‘This whole googlewhacking thing, it’s like … it’s like a coincidence magnet,’ I said. ‘There are connections all over the place. Like I’ve met two googlewhacks in San Diego. One of them gave me a pamphlet he’d written about creationism. The other one gave me an essay he’d written destroying that pamphlet.’
‘That’s pretty amazing,’ said Harry, ‘but what’s it got to do with Donald Sutherland?’
‘Well,’ I said, still shaping the words in my head, ‘I met Psychosomatic Rambunctiousness whose husband wrote The Player which was directed by Robert Altman who also directed M*A*S*H which starred Donald Sutherland!’
Harry looked a little nonplussed by my revelation.
‘One of my googlewhacks,’ I explained again, ‘is married to a man who wrote a film that was directed by a man who also directed a film that starred a man who narrated a documentary that was made by one of my other googlewhacks … you!’
I think Harry’s chair moved a little further from the table and a little closer to the door once more.
‘Actually,’ I said blushing slightly, ‘now that I’ve heard myself saying it out loud, it doesn’t seem quite as remarkable as I first thought.’
‘No,’ said Harry, cautiously trying to steer the conversation back on track. ‘It was amazing working with him though.’
‘I bet it was,’ I said. ‘You’ve written a script … for Donald Sutherland! Wow.’
‘He was a real perfectionist in the sound booth,’ smirked Harry. ‘He was convinced that there was some background noise spoiling the takes. He ended up getting undressed in case it was his clothes rustling.’
‘When you say “perfectionist”, do you mean “madman”?’ I chuckled, but Harry just smirked some more at the memory and changed the subject.
‘Now,’ he said, ‘you want me to give you some googlewhacks, don’t you?’
‘Yeah. Two if that’s possible.’
‘And then you plan to go and meet them, right?’
‘Uh huh.’
‘So do you want me to give you two that lead to nice places, or do you want two that are close to home?’
‘I want the first two you find,’ I said. ‘Besides, I would have thought it was almost impossible to deliberately find googlewhacks in specific locations.’
‘No, but I’ve found a few already,’ said Harry. ‘I could give you googlewhacks that lead to Chicago and New York or Switzerland or Leeds or Glasgow. It’s up to you.’
It was a tempting offer. I wrapped my hands around the small china cup, let the warmth seep through to my fingers and thought about it long and hard. Harry was offering me the chance to make life easier for myself. I could be back at nine in a row in next to no time but it would involve cheating and where would the satisfaction be in that? I’d been through too much to start cutting corners now. No, this had to be done properly or it wasn’t worth doing at all.
‘I’m afraid it has to be the first two,’ I said with a deep sigh. ‘There are rules. Each googlewhack can only find me two. If you find more and let me pick and choose that’s cheating.’
‘OK,’ said Harry. ‘If we go back to the office, the pages I’ve visited will still be stored in the computer and we’ll work out which were the first two.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, ‘I’m very grateful.’
‘That’s OK,’ said Harry. ‘I understand ... You’re a perfectionist.’