CHAPTER 21

ROMANCE 101

thought you might enjoy hearing from my husband, Art, on the delicate subject of romance. So without further ado, here's Art spelling out the basics of romance … LOVE.

OOK AT YOUR SPOUSE IN A NEW LIGHT

First Peter 3:7 says, in essence, “Husband live with your wife in an understanding way, thoughtful of her needs and honoring her. Remember that you and your wife are partners in receiving God's blessings.” Husbands, we need to get behind our wives' eyes and see life the way they do. Romancing her needs to be an intentional act, especially in today's wide-open fifth-gear society.

First Corinthians 7:3 in The Message says, “Marriage is a decision to serve the other whether in bed or out.” While a husband desires to be loved and served inside the bed, the woman desires to be served and loved outside the bed. God made us different for a reason, and it's our job to find out how we can romance our wives in the middle of our everyday hectic schedules.

Not too long ago my wife and friend gave me a package of five golf lessons. The first three were on the range with the golf pro. One was with a video and another was application on the course. I learned more on the first day with the pro than anything else. He taught me how to stand over the ball, how to better grip the club, and the importance of where the club face is from 4–8 o’clock. It improved my game, as long as I remembered to practice and apply what I'd learned. The point is: If we are going to learn how to improve our romantic game with our wives, we have to go to the pro. In this case the pro is our wife. I asked Lysa what can I do to improve in the area of romance and she gave me some helpful tips:

Adore her in public and in private. King Solomon is Mr. Romantic. In Song of Solomon 7:1–9 he admires his wife's character and her body by using beautiful poetic imagery. Lysa needs to hear me tell her how beautiful she is every day. She needs me to lift her up and encourage her with her dreams. Her dreams need to be my dreams. I let her know how proud and excited I am about the book she is writing or the way she's mothering our kids or caring for our house. It's not natural for me to do these things, so one way to help me remember is to put a little note on my Palm Pilot that reminds me at the top of each day to “encourage Lysa.”

FFER TO HELP

A man's approach to work is single-minded and independent, while a woman's approach is to balance several plates at once while incorporating relationship whenever possible. Let me give you an example. If I were out in the yard, working to get those mowing lines just right, and Lysa came over and said, “Let me help you, honey, and let's talk while we do yard work together,” I would feel interrupted and a little agitated. I can't relate and converse while in my “working on the yard” mode. If Lysa is trying to knock out her daily list and I step in and offer to help with the dishes and the vacuuming, her eyes will soften. She'll see me as her knight in shining armor. We may not think it's macho to change diapers and dry dishes, but it's sexy to our wives. If drying dishes counts as foreplay, I'm all for it.

I also have learned the value of helping Lysa fulfill her dreams. For her to fly to speaking engagements and do all that's required in the ministry, I have to help her. I take care of the children and cover all her endeavors in prayer. I no longer see it as a sacrifice. When Lysa is doing what God has created her to do, He fills her. When she is full of God, then she is able to serve our family with a joyful heart. I am convinced a happy wife is a fulfilled wife.

What are your wife's dreams? What could you do to help show her you believe in those dreams? What calling has God placed on your wife? How could you help her fulfill that call?

ALUE HER FEMININITY

Ephesians 5:28–29 instructs: “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.”

Today's society has hardened women, and it's our challenge to appreciate them as the feminine beings God created them to be. A great example came from our good friend King Solomon. He knew how to draw out his wife's best. Song of Solomon 3 tells how Solomon created a processional for his bride, complete with sixty warriors and fully armored soldiers, followed by servants spraying the perfumes and spices, and lastly his bride sitting on a throne made from the finest woods and fabrics. King Solomon knew the importance of wooing, romancing, valuing, adoring, and helping his wife feel feminine.

Ask your wife what you can do to value her femininity. What is it that makes her feel wooed, romanced, valued, and

XCITE HER SENSES

God gave your wife five senses that when stimulated can make her feel romantic. This came full circle for me about two weeks ago. Lysa and I dropped off our girls with friends, and we slipped out of town for three days. We went to a bed-and-breakfast in the mountains, a place that was a female five-senses home run. There was no TV (so Sportscenter was out of the question), but for Lysa this place was as if she had been “whisked away into a woman's wonder world weekend.” For three days I witnessed a transformation in my wife from poopy diapers, dirty dishes, and deadlines to complete softness and relaxation. You'd think after one day the place would get a little old, but it never happened. It was for her as you and I would feel if we were sitting in a new Triton nineteen foot bass boat three days on Lake Okeechobee. Or maybe playing eighteen holes with Tiger Woods at Augusta National the day before the Masters. This wonder world weekend softened Lysa's senses and called forth her femininity, of which I was the happy recipient.

I have learned sex is not an event, it is an environment. It's not an act for my wife, it's an atmosphere. This atmosphere doesn't have to be a weekend away at a bed-and-breakfast, it can be duplicated inside your home. Find out what makes her feel special and pampered and create that for her. Maybe it's relaxing in a warm bath with her favorite book, while candles are burning and soft music is playing. While your wife is pampered there in your own home, you can cap things off by putting the kids down and finish just in time to be the lucky winner of your wife's recharged femininity.

HOME IMPROVEMENT—Write one thing you know would excite each of your wife's five senses.

Sight:_______________________________________________

Sound: ______________________________________________

Touch: ______________________________________________

Taste:_______________________________________________

Smell:_______________________________________________

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY-One compliment a day goes a long way … and the compliment only counts if her clothes are on.—LISA [MOLINE]