INTRODUCTION

YOU MIGHT NEED THIS BOOK IF …

f you have left the toilet seat up nearly drowning your wife during her 2 a.m. trip to the potty.

• If you have ever been accused of being insensitive because you asked your wife what she did all day.
• If you have ever expected your wife to go from wiping noses and scrubbing toilets to sex goddess in thirty seconds or less.
• If your wife has ever asked you that delicate question, “Honey, do I look fat?” and you hesitated for one second … or, worse yet, if you said yes.
• If your wife has ever come home from having her hair done only to hear you say you liked it better before … or if you didn't notice her new “do” at all.
• If you have ever crawled in bed at night with “that something special” on your mind only to have your wife ask you to just hold her, and you've felt frustrated and confused.
• If you have ever wondered why your wife seemed less than excited to get a new vacuum cleaner or a subscription to Shape magazine for her birthday … or, worse yet, if you've ever forgotten her birthday.
• If you have ever been perplexed by your wife's emotional outburst and in an effort to help her you suggested calling an exorcist to help rid her of demons.
• If you've ever wished you could understand your wife better.
• If you've ever desired to capture her heart.

If even one of these statements rings true to you, do not pass “Go” and do not collect $200. Go directly to the sales counter, buy this book, and read on.

You do need this book!

Let's face it, most marriages have problems. These problems will lead a couple in one of two directions. They will either lead to building walls that isolate and destroy the relationship or they will lead to creative solutions that strengthen and enhance the relationship.

I believe that within every problem, there is a treasure to be found. I am not writing this book because my husband and I never have problems. Quite the contrary. I am writing this book because we have faced our problems head-on, found creative solutions, and discovered treasures along the way. As I've traveled around the country speaking to women on marriage and sharing our creative solutions, many have told me they wished there was a book to help men understand their needs better. So, I started asking them to write down what they felt every husband should know. The women of America have spoken, or nearly one thousand of them have, and here are their answers:

EIGHT THINGS EVERY HUSBAND NEEDS TO KNOW

1. Your wife needs you to be the spiritual leader of your home.
2. Your wife needs you to be her teammate in raising the kids and taking care of the home.
3. Your wife needs you to treat her like a princess.
4. Your wife needs you to communicate with her.
5. Your wife needs her friends and needs you to allow her time with the girls, but ultimately she wants you to be her best friend.
6. Your wife needs you to be a “triple A” encourager by giving her appreciation, affirmation, and admiration.
7. Your wife needs to feel emotionally filled before she desires to be sexually involved.
8. Your wife needs you to understand that there are some things you will never understand. This doesn't make either of you right or wrong—just different.

When Art and I first got married, we viewed marriage as an overflowing treasure chest full of things like fun, security, companionship, adventure, good communication, and great sex. We were shocked to discover that our chest was empty. We now know that if our marriage is going to be full of great things, it is up to us to fill our marriage chest with great treasures. Having a great marriage takes time, creativity, and a willingness to understand the needs of the other person. That's where this book is going to help you. You can't possibly meet the needs of your wife and fill up your marriage treasure chest if you don't know what her needs and desires are.

Now that I've given you a list of things you need to know, let me inject two disclaimers. The first is that it is not enough for you to just read this book; you must apply this information. Make loving your wife a part of your everyday schedule just like brushing your teeth. You can't just brush your teeth once and expect to have fresh breath the rest of your life. The same is true with loving your wife.

The second disclaimer is that not all women are created alike. While most of these ideas will work great, your wife will have unique ways she needs to be loved. You need to discover these. The beauty of this book is that it will get you headed in the right direction and open up the lines of communication necessary to make these great discoveries.

Now, if you are like my husband, you are busy. So for the sake of time, I give you permission to put this book down for today. But, don't forget to do this home improvement project. At the end of each chapter you'll find these practical assignments that will help you go the extra mile as a husband.

HOME IMPROVEMENT—1. Get a stick-it note and write the word “Perfect!” on it. Now, go stick it on top of the part of your wife's scale where the numbers are. This will score BIG points, but don't do it expecting anything in return.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY—One simple dandelion on a no-name day is worth more to me than a dozen roses on a Hallmark holiday.—DONNA [JOLIET]