Adeline’s hands stilled on the laces of her stays, but she felt a quivering in her chest and stomach. She stared at Lyon. They’d been laughing over the cramped settee, but he looked so serious she suddenly felt that way, too. There was a time she could hide all her emotions. She’d had to. It hadn’t been that difficult with Wake, but with Lyon, she found it hard to do. He touched her in so many ways that her husband never had. She was sure Lyon could see in her expression that she was stunned by his statement.
Marry him.
Share this exquisite passion and pleasure with him every night? Yes, she wanted to do that, but marry him? Be his wife? No.
Lyon walked over and bent down on one knee in front of her. “I don’t want anyone but you. I don’t want us to hide that we want to be together. What’s between us and what we’re feeling is too important to be treated lightly. Marry me.”
The thought of marriage again sent Adeline into panic. She couldn’t.
“The feelings I have for you are more than I could have ever imagined feeling. It’s true I thought you a beast at first. With good reason. I now know you are kind, strong, and your touch thrills me, but I’m not interested in matrimony, Lyon.”
She brushed away from him and rose from the settee, quickly shoving her arms into her bodice.
He stood up and said, “Look at me, Adeline,” he said, and waited for her to do so. “Marriage is what usually follows the kind of passion we have for each other. I feel it in here.” He put his hand over his heart. “This is the right thing for us to do.”
“No,” she said, giving her attention back to the bow she was tying in her stays. “I admit if I were to ever be tempted to do so, it would be with you, but I will never marry again.”
“That is a bold statement, my lady.”
“A true one,” she answered earnestly, making a loose knot at the center of her back.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been a wife and found I’m not suited to marriage and have no desire to entangle myself in it again.”
He took hold of her upper arms, forcing her to look at him again, and said, “So your marriage wasn’t a happy one?”
“It wasn’t, but I don’t intend to discuss it with you.”
“I respect that you want to remain silent about that. I’m not demanding you tell me anything concerning your past. I am willing to listen if you ever want to. Your previous marriage is not a concern to me unless you want it to be. I want to talk about us. The future. Our future. What we will share. How we will live with each other.”
She pulled out of his grip and straightened her shoulders. “I don’t want to think about marriage. Past or future. I don’t want to have this discussion. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with you. I do. Often. I have since the first night we met when you—well you know. We’ll have to find another solution to our dilemma of nosy neighbors and servants.”
“No, Adeline,” he said tersely. “I will not make you a mistress that I visit every now and then when I so desire.”
“Not a mistress!” she said fiercely. “I need no man keeping me for his private pleasure. I will be an equal lover. Our coming together would be on mutual terms as it was just now.”
“A lover? You mean like this?” Capturing her up in his arms again, he gave her a short, hard kiss, but it was no less passionate than any of the others they’d shared. “Is this really what you want? Grabbing a quick kiss or a longer moment or two with you on the settee or against the wall when your housekeeper is away or asleep? Is that what your heart desires?” he rasped. “Should we just go ahead and set a time and a day of the week for you to send Mrs. Lawton to the school or elsewhere so I can slip in and out of your bedchamber without her suspecting?”
“Stop it,” she pleaded. “You’re making it sound so tawdry. What we shared wasn’t.”
“No and it shouldn’t be, but that’s what you’re asking for,” he insisted angrily, turning her loose. “You are asking me to treat you less than a lady deserves. Less than I want for you and me.”
“No, I’m not. Respectable widows take lovers.”
“They do,” he said more calmly. “Some are most content doing so. I don’t want that for you. For me. I have deeper feelings for you. I can’t accept you as a casual lover.”
Adeline searched his eyes. She understood and believed what he was saying. But she didn’t believe the good would outweigh the bad. “I want to be with you, but I won’t hear more about marriage.” She stepped away and pulled the tail of her bodice down over the skirt of her dress, fitting it properly.
“Then tell me why.”
There was more than just one reason why she couldn’t marry him. Lyon was titled and would expect to have an heir, which she could never give him. She couldn’t go through another man demanding of her what she wasn’t capable of giving. And she wouldn’t deny Lyon what was rightfully his.
A wife to bear him a son.
Shoring up her courage with a deep breath, she said, “It would make no difference. I will not be persuaded. Now, I need to get to the school. You can see yourself out.”
She started walking past him, but he caught her arm and stopped her. “What if you are with child?” he asked.
Adeline gasped. “What?” Her breath caught in her lungs and couldn’t move for an instant. She felt as if she were choking. “Why would you ask that?”
“It could be true.”
“No,” she said adamantly. “That can’t be.”
“I may be a man, Adeline, but I am not naive when it comes to matters such as this. We’ve been together twice now and sometimes it only takes once if measures aren’t taken to ensure otherwise.”
“It didn’t happen and it won’t.”
Anger clouded his features. “You can’t be sure.”
“I can. A woman knows these things, Lyon. I don’t want to lose what we’ve been sharing, but I won’t marry you. Being a widow gives me the right to live my life as I so choose. I have freedoms now to make my own choices that I never had before. I can go where and when I want to go. I can eat and drink what I want with no one telling me I must stay at home, or stay in bed, or—” She stopped and took a deep breath, already having said more than she intended.
“Did your husband do those things?”
She looked away from him, determined not to reveal any more of her past than she already had. It would serve no purpose. “Marriage doesn’t suit me. Accept that I can’t marry you and leave it at that.”
“I wouldn’t restrict you like that, Adeline.”
“I didn’t think Wake would treat me as he did, either. Now, turn me loose. I have nothing more to say about the subject.”
His expression had told her he wanted to say more. He didn’t want to give up, but after a moment or two, he bowed to her wishes and let go of her. He stepped back, as if realizing it was best to save his argument for another day.
“All right, I will accept your answer. And you must accept mine. I won’t take you as a lover I must keep hidden.”
“Then we understand each other, again,” she said, feeling as if she’d stabbed herself with a knife.
“We do.”
“Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to re-pin my hair before I leave.”
He nodded once, and said, “Usually just the threat of a ruler across the knuckles of a hand or cane on the backside is enough to make unruly children sit up and take notice that rules must be obeyed. Keep that in mind when you talk to the girls. Let them stay and give them the chance to learn. Don’t send them home.”
Adeline watched him walk away and her heart ached. Her arms felt cold and her stomach empty. She couldn’t take back her words of rejection. Married life had been much too cruel to her. During her marriage she thought she’d learned how to endure anything that might come her way, but saying no to Lyon had been harder than drinking the foul-tasting tonics Wake had prepared for her.
Knowing Lyon wanted her, wanted to marry her would have to be enough to sustain her. She couldn’t suffer through trying to be in the family way again, and she couldn’t leave him childless and without an heir.
The thought of never being in his arms again was heartbreaking. Perhaps in time he would agree to keep their time together going as it was now? Surely being together sometimes was better than not being together at all.
For now, she had to put thoughts and feelings for Lyon aside. She had to decide what to do about the girls. Their violation of the rules of the school and decency could not go without a strong punishment.
After a visit up to her room, Adeline walked over to the school and into the large open front room. Mrs. Tallon and Mrs. Lawton rose from the teaching table where they were sitting and walked over to the door to stand with her. Fanny and Mathilda rose from the opposite corners at the back of the room where they’d been seated on the floor facing the wall.
Adeline looked away from the girls. She didn’t like the way it made her feel to see them punished. “I’m sorry to have kept you, but the earl is a difficult man to get away from.” That was no prevarication.
“Is he going to do anything terrible to the girls?” Mrs. Lawton asked worriedly. “Will he send them to the workhouse for their mischief?”
“No, no,” Adeline answered softly. “I don’t know what would make you think he’d ever do anything like that. He’s not really a harsh man. It wouldn’t even enter his mind to do something so reprehensible. He wanted to have his say, of course, and I listened. In the end, he has left all punishment to me and Mrs. Tallon. Thank you for helping her, Mrs. Lawton. You may go back home.”
“Yes, my lady,” she said and left the room.
“Where are the rest of the girls?” Adeline asked Mrs. Tallon.
“I had Miss Peat and Miss Hinson take them to the workroom.”
“Good. Let’s stand over here by the window where Fanny and Mathilda can’t hear us talk.” The woman followed her to the other side of the large room and Adeline asked, “Have you been thinking about what might be a fitting punishment for these two?”
“Oh, we must send them home,” she said without hesitation. “They’re a hindrance to all the girls.”
Adeline was sure that would be her answer but she still didn’t want to do it. “Do they disrupt the class in any way?”
“No. They participate in everything. Quite good at all they do, but as soon as my back is turned they’re off to look at something. And it’s not like they haven’t been warned not to do it again. Mrs. Lawton said they were found on the earl’s property. That’s unpardonable as far as I’m concerned.”
Was it? Adeline pursed her lips and studied over that. It had been her first reaction for their disobedience, too. If she did that, they would have few recourse for their futures. Helping the girls had been her only goal when she started the school. Not doing so would mean she’d failed and they had taken control away from her. That thought stiffened Adeline’s back. She wasn’t going to let the ten-year-olds win this battle.
Mrs. Tallon had been right when she said Fanny would start engaging the others with her mischief. Mathilda was her first quarry. Adeline intended to make sure she was also the last.
“If I don’t agree to dismiss them, what other punishment would you suggest?”
The woman looked at Adeline as if she’d lost her mind. “What else is there, my lady? We’ve already tried extra work. Fanny didn’t seem to mind that at all. You told me not to use my cane. Not to even bring it to the school with me. I don’t know what else we can do.”
Lyon had mentioned just the threat of the cane might bring about change in their behavior, and she knew it was a common practice in boys’ schools. Adeline didn’t even want to consider it but she must. Desperate measures were needed if she was going to keep the girls at the school.
Adeline rubbed the back of her neck, and memories of Lyon massaging her nape invaded her thoughts. She closed her eyes for a moment and allowed the memory of his gentle strength, the warmth of his touch, and the taste of his kisses wash over her. For a few minutes he’d made her forget she had to make a difficult judgment on the problem before her.
Her eyes popped open. Suddenly she was clear on what she needed to say. “Fanny and Mathilda will not be allowed to play with the other children for a full month. When you take them to the park, those two are to take writing and number lessons with them and work the entire time the others are there enjoying themselves. That is their punishment.”
Mrs. Tallon’s back bowed but she remained silent. The headmistress didn’t know Adeline wasn’t finished.
“That is their punishment for leaving the school. For their recompense to the earl for trespassing on his property, while the other girls are enjoying their time of singing, have Miss Peat keep Fanny and Mathilda in the workroom. They are to learn how to make a neckcloth—more than one design would probably be good. Once their quality of stitch has been perfected, and it has been inspected and accepted by you as flawless, they will then make the earl a dozen neckcloths. Each one to be perfectly stitched, washed, pressed, and ready for wearing. That should keep them too busy to wander off.”
A victory smile eased across the older woman’s face. “That sounds adequate to me, my lady. Though, it may take a while. I’ve not even started teaching them how to cut a linen cloth or to make a fine stitch.”
“I don’t think you need to be in a hurry. Take all the time you need. When all is finished, we’ll set a day for you to bring the neckcloths and the girls to me, and I’ll see to it they deliver them to the earl bearing their written and verbal apologies, too.”
“I’ll see it’s all done to your satisfaction.”
“Thank you.” Adeline then strode over to stand between Fanny and Mathilda. She glanced from one to the other, hoping guilt and sorrow over what they’d done would show in their expressions. All she saw was girlish innocence in their faces. Sick to her stomach and denying her innate reluctance to be harsh, she squared her shoulders and said, “I don’t know the reasons for your misbehavior today, but your offense justifies being dismissed from school and sent home.”
Fanny’s mouth opened in shock before she quickly said, “Don’t send Mathilda home. She didn’t want to go into his house. I made her go with me because I didn’t want to go alone.”
Adeline wasn’t expecting either of them to say anything, but she turned to Mathilda and said, “You are more than a head taller than Fanny. Did she force you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”
Mathilda rolled her big eyes toward Fanny and slowly shook her head. “I wanted to see inside the house, too.”
“I thought as much. Fanny, do you want to go home and be able to read to your mother?”
The little girl looked down at her feet for a moment and then back to Adeline and said, “Yes, my lady.”
“That’s what I want, too, and because of that I won’t send either of you home today. You will remain here. Your families sent you to this school to become a seamstress, to be able to write, add numbers and to read. I will not fail them because of your selfish behavior or because of a rebellious spirit or even girlish inquisitiveness. But as of right now you will start obeying the rules—all of them or I will have Mrs. Tallon bring her cane to the school and give her permission to use it on your backsides if you disobey her.” Adeline looked directly at Fanny. “Do I make myself clear?”
Fanny nodded and so did Mathilda.
“Mrs. Tallon. Please place your cane in one of the corners of the classroom.”
“Of course, Lady Wake.”
Adeline held her breath and strode across the room and out of the school without saying anything else. She couldn’t. As soon as she shut the door behind her she swallowed down a sob. And then another. And another. Almost choking herself to keep from making a sound until she was far enough away from the school that the girls couldn’t hear her.
She couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her face.
She would never allow Mrs. Tallon to do such a harsh thing to any of the girls. It had been wrenching to say it. She’d had no choice. Fanny had to be frightened and believe Adeline would do it, or she’d continue on her unruly path. Adeline hoped Lyon was right and just the fear of the cane would work wonders in making one comply.
She wiped her eyes with her fingertips, knowing that saying no to Lyon’s marriage proposal was even more wrenching than threatening the girls with a harsher punishment should they step out of line again.