Adeline tried to slow her breathing, but it was impossible to do. Nor could she stop her limbs from trembling or her body from shaking.
He looked back at her and asked, “Did you know he had a child?”
The roaring in her ears was intense but she managed a nod.
“That’s damn brazen of her to bring the girl to you.” Without asking, Lyon picked up the note and started reading.
“I can’t believe she’d ask this of me,” Adeline whispered. Heartache and bitterness that she’d long since buried boiled from her heart and mind, consuming her. “I won’t do it. I can’t. It’s vile of her to even ask it of me.” She looked up at Lyon. “The girl must be given back to her mother. I don’t want to see either of them. Would you please go tell Mrs. Tallon for me?”
Lyon looked up at her. Concern edged his features, and it threatened to deplete what little control she had on her emotions. She didn’t know if she could withstand his sympathy without collapsing into tears.
“Did you read the note to the end?” he asked.
“No,” she said curtly.
“Adeline.”
“No,” she answered in a harsher tone. “I don’t want to read it. Why should I want to see her, hear from her, or read anything she has to say to me or anyone else?”
Lyon seemed to think about his words, before answering. “All right, but you must know what she said, so you’ll hear it from me. Your brother-in-law, the Earl of Wake, has not honored your husband’s allowance to her in over a year. She no longer has the means to care for her child and is giving you guardianship.”
The anguish and destroying despair that Adeline had seen on Fanny’s mother’s face that afternoon near the docks flashed across her mind, wounding her further. Because of that, Adeline understood a mother wanting, deserving the right to adequately take care of her children. But this wasn’t fair. She viciously blinked the image from her mind. She had to. This was different from Fanny and her mother and all the other children she saw that day. This tore at her soul.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help her. Not either of them.” Adeline shook her head, the shock wearing off and anger at this woman building inside her. It was wrong to be forced into a situation that was impossible to bear. “I owe her nothing. She must take care of her child as best she can.”
“The note says she left London yesterday and paid someone to deliver the girl to your school today.”
“It doesn’t matter. I will have someone find the woman,” she said, wiping at the wetness she felt gathering in the corners her eyes. “I won’t have her daughter at the school. Why would she even ask me to do this? She must know how I feel about her.”
Lyon took hold of her trembling hands and held them tightly in her lap. His touch was warm and comforting. The understanding she saw in his face was depleting the little control she had on her emotions, making her want to melt into his arms and cry from the pain this caused her. “Everyone in London must know by now that you helped start a school for unfortunate girls.”
“For girls whose fathers and brothers were lost at sea on the Salty Dove! No one else and certainly not for the benefit of titled men’s illegitimate children. I don’t know why she’s doing this. No, maybe I do know. She wants to remind me one more time that she gave Wake a child and I didn’t.”
“Adeline, no,” Lyon said, gently touching one side of her face. “I don’t think she was thinking about you at all. She was thinking of what’s best for her child. When the earl stopped her income, she probably had to turn to a life that wouldn’t be suitable for a little girl to be around. She must be desperate.”
“I don’t care,” she insisted fiercely. “I can’t help her.”
“Adeline, take time to think about this reasonably. It’s unlike you to be so unkind.”
“Me? Unkind? Did you actually say that to me?” Adeline shoved Lyon away and rose, raking his arms away when he tried to take hold of her. She turned to him, striking her fist to her chest, and said, “You have the nerve to call me the unkind one?”
“You must think of the welfare of the child.”
He reached for her again, but she spun away. “No! I am not the unkind one. You don’t know what I went through.”
“I don’t, but I know you can’t put your husband’s daughter in an orphanage or out on the street.”
“His brother did and so can I.”
“You aren’t like that.”
“I am like that!” she yelled, inhaling a bitter sob. “You don’t know how many times Wake threw in my face ‘My mistress can give me a child but my wife can’t.’ You don’t know how many potions he mixed and forced me to drink with brandy because the taste was so vile I couldn’t otherwise get them down. How many examinations I had to endure from men and women. The horrors of being probed and poked by a physician, a midwife, an apothecary, or some other person Wake had found who promised he could make a miracle happen. They all promised they could help me conceive. And none of it ever made a difference. Not once.” Another sob heaved from her chest. “So no, I won’t take her child into my school and care for her! I never said one unkind thing about her to Wake. That’s what I did for her, and all I can do for her now is stay quiet about what I think of her.”
Lyon stood quietly watching her. Letting her say what was buried deeply in her heart. What she should never have let be spoken. She didn’t want him to see her like this. Didn’t want him to know how she’d suffered. Without thinking, she rushed over to the doorway and pointed to the corridor. “Get out.”
Her throat and chest hurt. She watched Lyon stride over to where she stood, but instead of going out he closed the double doors.
“I asked you to leave,” she said in a softer tone, not wanting to believe he wasn’t leaving her alone to drown in her anger, hurt, and bitterness.
“No,” he replied quietly, with a hint of a smile twitching his lips. He turned the key in the lock. “You told me to get out, but I’m not going to.” He reached for one of her hands.
She pulled back from him and held her arms stiffly at her side. “I want you to leave.”
Lyon reached for her hand again and caught her wrist. “I know, but I’m not going to.” He let his fingers slide down and grasp her palm.
“Give me the other hand,” he said softly.
He had her attention, but she still answered, “No. What are you doing? I don’t want to hold your hand. I want you to go away and leave me be.”
“I will, but not right now. Come on, take my other hand.”
He walked toward and she walked backward as he continued to advance on her.
“Your other hand, Adeline. Let me hold it.”
Finally, she lifted her arm and he grasped her fingertips. He stopped moving forward and started sidestepping. His upper arm bumped hers, and she was forced to sidestep, too. Taking faster steps, he knocked into her again.
“You’re going too slow.”
Adeline took wider, hastier steps.
“Don’t let me step on your ankle,” he said. “Keep going.”
“No—I—what are you doing?”
“What I’ve seen the girls at your school do from my window. Hold hands and spin.”
“I don’t want to do this, Lyon,” she whispered softly. “Please.”
“Go faster. Pick it up or I’ll run over you.”
Suddenly they were holding hands tightly and making circle after circle, spinning around as fast as their feet would move. Her skirts swished and twirled about her legs, her hair fell from its bun and danced across her back.
“Don’t stop.”
And she didn’t. Swinging round after round, step after step, spinning until she was so dizzy she fell against his chest, out of breath and laughing. Lyon caught her in his strong embrace and kissed her hair just above her ear several times. She snuggled deeper. It felt so good to press her cheek into the soft padding of his quilted waistcoat, to rest her head and her heart, and to allow her inner balance to return to normal. She soaked up the comfort of his hands running soothingly up and down her back.
Her breathing was labored but she was calmer. Lifting her head and her arms, she clasped her hands together at his nape. He bent and kissed her tenderly, sweetly on the lips. His touch was delicate, enticing, and brief.
“You’re breathing heavy,” he said.
She smiled and murmured, “So are you.”
For a long time, he simply held her close. She lifted her head and placed her lips on his and kissed him the same way he’d kissed her. Slow and soft. Sensuous and enticing.
The longer they kissed, the more she wanted it to go on forever. She wanted to forget everything but her love for him. She opened her mouth, and his tongue explored inside with eager yet soothing strokes. His hands moved down her chest to palm and mold her breasts, lightly caressing. Her nipple stiffened beneath his gentle touch. Adeline moaned and leaned into his hand, enjoying the intense feeling. She ran her hands down the front of his trousers and moaned.
Yes, this is what she wanted. “I’ve missed being with you like this.”
“Adeline,” he whispered.
“Yes?” she answered, enjoying the ripples of sensation tightening in her stomach, sending waves of pleasure flowing down her body to settle into her most womanly part.
“We are back to where we were a month ago.”
She turned around and looked at the settee. “I know. It’s all I can offer.”
His eyes narrowed and his lips tightened. “I want more. I love you, Adeline. Marry me.”
She swallowed hard as she gazed into his eyes. “You know I wanted a child, too. I suppose that’s really the reason I drank every brew and endured every examination. I wanted a child to love. I married Wake because I thought he loved me. But I soon found out all he wanted was an heir. Not me to love. Not a child to love, but an heir to carry on his title. You’ll need an heir one day, too, Lyon. You will inherit your father’s title one day and you will give your son yours. The burden of not being able to do that is too heavy and I can’t go through that again.”
“Have you so little faith in me?” Lyon asked in an exasperated voice. “Don’t you know by now that I would never do to you or ask of you what Wake did?”
“Yes.” She tried to tell him with her eyes she meant that. “I do believe that. But I know you deserve a son. I won’t go through the pain of not being able to give you that.”
“I’m not asking you to. I’m only asking for your love and for you to marry me. No matter who I’d marry I might never have a child. Or I could have five daughters and no son.”
“But at least you would have a chance. With me there is no chance.”
“Having a child has never been a reason for me to marry, Adeline.” He stopped and ran his hand through his hair and inhaled deeply. “My father has been after me to marry and produce an heir since I was twenty. I have always told him love comes first. Then marriage. Having or not having a child with you would not change my love for you. I’ve waited to find the love of one woman sharing my bed, my mornings and my nights beside me in all things till death do we part. You are the lady I want. The only one I’ve ever wanted. I love you and want to marry you. I’ve never forced my attentions on any woman and I’ll not force my love for you on you. You must come to me as my wife willingly or not at all.”
“I love you, too. You must know that.”
“I do. That’s why it’s so hard to understand you not wanting to marry me. It’s time for you to trust that I won’t be like your first husband. I won’t demand anything from you but love.”
“You have my love,” she exclaimed. “You have my devotion. Why can’t that be enough? You are being stubborn for not understanding why I can’t marry you.”
“I am being fair to you and to me. A lover is not what I want and a lover is not what you deserve.” His voice softened. “I have had lovers, Adeline. They are very good at satisfying the body but they don’t satisfy the heart or the soul. Marriage is a shelter, security. It is love that will hold us together and keep us content. I want a wife who loves me for me, for who I am, not whether or not she can give me a child. Love is the only thing I am asking from you, and if you can’t trust me with your love then I agree, we can’t marry.”
Adeline backed away from him. “It’s settled then.”
He nodded. “Except for Nora. That’s her name. She’s only five years old. What happened is not her fault. Keep the child Wake’s mistress sent to you. You are a kind, tenderhearted lady. You are capable and you must take care of your husband’s child. In a way, by doing what his brother and mistress are failing to do, you are finally giving him the child he wanted.”
A sob rose in Adeline’s throat again. “You ask too much of me. She doesn’t belong here. She needs to be with her mother.”
“No, you’re making excuses. You don’t want to see her each day and be reminded of the past.”
“Why is that wrong?”
“Because you must put what he did to you behind you so you can forgive and start new. And trust me that your love will be enough for me after we marry.”
She straightened and blinked away more tears, hating the reality that she was still afraid to trust him. “I don’t think I can do that. I will let her stay at the school while I will search for her mother.”
“Good. Maybe that will be a start to healing, Adeline.”
Lyon turned the lock in the door, opened it, and walked out.