Chapter 4

Return and Departure

After their encounter with Sir Turquin, Sir Lancelot and Sir Kay rested for several days, until both felt strong enough to ride. At last, Sir Lancelot announced that he felt fit enough to face adventures again.

"Er, haven't we just faced one?" Sir Kay asked, surprised.

"Yes," Sir Lancelot replied, "but I'm sure there are others."

Sir Kay thought about this for a moment. "Don't you think we should leave some adventures for Arthur's other knights? We don't want to be piggy, you know."

"I never thought of that," admitted Sir Lancelot.

"Besides that," added Sir Kay, "I don't heal from knocks as quickly as I used to. I'd as soon not do any more fighting for a bit. To be honest, I'm ready to go home."

"I understand perfectly," Sir Lancelot said. "But I'm feeling fine, and it seems a shame not to find at least one more adventure while I'm out. Just one more wouldn't be greedy, would it?"

"Tell you what," Sir Kay said. "Why don't we split up? I'll go back to court and report on our quest together, and you can shop around for another adventure. And I've had another idea, too. Why don't we exchange armor?"

"What?"

"I'll wear your armor and you'll wear mine," Sir Kay explained.

"Why?"

"Everyone knows your shining armor, don't you see? When recreant knights see me, they'll think that I'm you and leave me alone. Who would want to fight Sir Lancelot the Great?"

"Sir Turquin did," Sir Lancelot pointed out.

"And look how that turned out for him," Sir Kay replied. "No, I'm sure it will give me a quiet, restful ride home."

"But Kay," Sir Lancelot began, "when people see my armor, they usually—"

"Meanwhile," Sir Kay continued, "you'll be in my armor, which nobody knows. It will be like a disguise, and you'll have all sorts of adventures you wouldn't have had otherwise. What do you say?"

Sir Lancelot tried to argue, but his friend persisted, and in the end he agreed. Over the next few weeks, it did seem that Sir Kay had been right. Although he missed his own armor, Sir Lancelot had a great many adventures, and England's storytellers began to tell how Sir Kay overcame a recreant knight named Sir Peris of the Forest Savage and how how he drove away an evil sorceress named Hellawes of the Chapel Perilous, and many other such stories. At last, Sir Lancelot returned to court, where the first knight to meet him was Sir Kay.

"Thank goodness you're home!" Sir Kay declared.

"Oh? Did you miss me?" asked Sir Lancelot.

"Deuced right, I did!" Sir Kay exclaimed. "Now give me my armor and take yours back at once!"

Sir Lancelot smiled. "Didn't you like my shining armor?"

"Not by half! You might have warned me that everywhere I went, every wet-eared, knock-kneed thimblewit who fancies himself a knight would try to fight me!"

"That does get inconvenient, doesn't it? But truly, I tried to warn you."

"But those silly puppies weren't the worst of it!" continued Sir Kay. "Not ten miles from where we parted, I was set on by four of the nastiest wenches I've ever met—all of them wearing crowns—crying and wailing and snatching at my feet and throwing themselves on me and calling out, 'Choose me, Sir Lancelot!' and 'Come back, Sir Lancelot!' and 'You're so handsome, Sir Lancelot!'"

"Oh, you met the four queens. Perhaps I should have mentioned them to you."

"I should dashed well think so! I was lucky to get away in one piece!" Sir Kay threw Sir Lancelot's armor down between them. "I'll tell you this, Lancelot. I used to envy you, but now that I've tried it, I wouldn't be in your place for anything!"

Sir Lancelot sighed. Sir Kay had a point: being Sir Lancelot the Great was not very restful.

The very next day Sir Lancelot learned that being the greatest knight in England had other disadvantages. As it happened, a few days before Sir Lancelot arrived at court, King Arthur had proclaimed a tournament, to the delight of all Camelot. There would be jousting, which was where knights tried to knock one another from their horses with lances, and a mock battle and colorful banners and minstrels and jugglers and feasts. All the brave knights polished their armor, and all the fair damsels gave tokens to their favorite knights, bright strips of cloth to wear on their ar mor. The event was scheduled for two weeks away, and all Camelot buzzed with anticipation.

Sir Lancelot was delighted as well. He always enjoyed a good tournament, and so he declared that he would enter the contest.

"Oh, well," said all the brave knights, putting away their armor.

"Never mind," said all the fair damsels, taking back their tokens.

"Lancelot," said King Arthur, "I wonder if I could ask you to give this tournament a miss?"

"But why, Sire?" asked Sir Lancelot.

"The thing is," the king replied, "all the other knights know that you'll win, and all the damsels know that you never wear a lady's token in a joust. It just takes the fun out of it for the everyone else."

"But I like tournaments," Sir Lancelot said. "What if I promise to use my left hand?"

"You've already defeated everyone left-handed," King Arthur pointed out. "I'm afraid you'll need a bigger handicap than that to make it fair. Tell you what, Lance, why don't you take a little vacation in the countryside?"

"I've just come back from the countryside."

"Then find a different countryside."

"Bother," Sir Lancelot said, but he obeyed and left the court.

As the king had suggested, Sir Lancelot rode to a countryside he had never visited before, a pleasant region called Shalott. Around midafternoon, Sir Lancelot found a shady spot under a tree and, after removing his armor, lay down for his afternoon nap.

Hardly had he gone to sleep, though, when he was roused by the baying of hunting dogs nearby, then the murmur of human voices. He was about to sit up to look about when he was struck with a searing pain in the part of his body that he normally sat upon. On the right side. Sir Lancelot gasped but stayed still, listening. Someone, it seemed, was attacking him, and he wanted to know who.

Behind him, a woman's voice said, "Did I hit it?"

"No, you didn't hit it," replied a man's voice. "I told you to get closer before shooting."

"But it was a very big deer. I thought I couldn't miss."

"Elaine, you duffer, you couldn't have hit a deer at that distance if it had been as big as a house. Even I wouldn't have tried that shot!"

"Ooh," retorted the woman. "Even the great Sir Lavaine wouldn't have tried it!"

"And now you've lost a perfectly good arrow somewhere in that tall grass," the man replied.

With much discomfort, Sir Lancelot pulled himself to his feet. Across the meadow stood a young woman and a young man. "Excuse me," Sir Lancelot said. The two looked at him with surprise. "Have you lost an arrow?" he asked them.

"Yes, indeed," the young lady replied. "Have you seen it?"

"Not exactly," said Sir Lancelot. "But I know where it is."

"See, I haven't lost it after all," the lady said to the man. She smiled at Sir Lancelot. "Would you show me where it landed?"

"Er, I'd rather not, my lady," Sir Lancelot said. His leg was wet with blood, and he was starting to feel dizzy. "Do either of you know where I could find a doctor hereabouts?"

Then Sir Lancelot fainted.