I’m staring at a book. After an appropriate length of time, I turn the page. I’m not reading. I can’t think any more, either. My thoughts splinter like thin ice with every step I take. Ines is perched on her bed, next to mine, filing her nails. The noise scours the back of my eyes. As long as the sun is shining, everything is like it used to be. Then evening comes. No sooner has the nurse switched on the emergency lighting in the corridor than Ines orders me into the bathroom. That’s where Elly’s clothes are hidden, in the cistern. I fish the knotted plastic bag out of the water. But this time when I start to get changed, I hesitate. I don’t have much time to put my thoughts in order. Ines is waiting outside for me. I venture out without my costume. Ines stares at me. Her voice slices through my eardrum. She orders me back in. I refuse to go. I tell her she is messing me around. I want to know when I can finally take the entrance exam for her school, why is she torturing me? Ines gets angry. She hisses that I don’t understand anything, that I’m not worthy. I don’t budge. I take some scissors and cut up Elly’s jumper. Ines moans. She snatches the bundle of clothes out of my hand. I manage to grab it back. We fight, wrestle, lock jaws. Ines’s breath burns my face. I accuse her. I say she isn’t interested in me. Why can’t I just be myself? Each of us is clinging on to a leg of Elly’s trousers. The material cracks and rips. Ines says: You’re ruining everything. That’s the last thing she says to me. It’s over. From this moment on, I’m dead to Ines. She even leaves me the destroyed clothes. I gather up the scraps. I sew them together again in secret. I find a little box with needle and thread in the nurses’ room. I lay the mended clothes on the table. But Ines still looks right through me. She doesn’t even look up when I throw chocolate on her bed. I’m sad, but I don’t cave in. I don’t want to be someone else any more.