When his story was done, he averted his eyes from her, and she felt almost overwhelmed by his brooding, simmering anger. “Valerius!” she exclaimed. “How distressing. You seem stuck in a world without love.”
“Samara, love has never saved me.”
She put her hand on his wrist. “Great feelings cannot take root in hard, dry soil.”
“It’s my fault that I’m not ruling the realm with my brother. Maybe, though, it was no one’s fault, but only my shameful destiny.”
“Your destiny, a shameful one? Absurd. You don’t know how your life is going to play out.”
He gazed into her eyes; she was touched by how lonely and entreating he looked.
“The moment I told my uncle that the Empire was constantly choosing wrong courses, it was as if I were possessed. I rattled on and on. I didn’t want to say all that, yet I had to do it. I must have been driven by my destiny, compelled by my fate. I wonder if when we strive to improve things, we’re only pushing against something mightier than any individual: the laws of fate.”
Suddenly, to her surprise, he pulled her close to him; her pulse quickened. Then, just as quickly, he drew away.
She touched his cheek. “Come, now. You were probably punishing your uncle Antoninus because his father Hadrian had an affair with your mother.”
He stared into the barren desert before them. “That’s just one more reason why this life is not working for me.”
“Valerius. Tell me now, without thinking: what is your greatest desire?”
“To heal the wounds of Rome. To take her out of the hands of the corrupt and to restore her love of the righteous.”
She was thrilled. His goals were lofty. “Why, that’s a most worthy desire.”
He gave her a bleak smile. “And an impossible one.”
Her words burst out like fire. “Listen to me, Valerius! We have choices. Your Roman gods and generals may swat you like flies, yet the Lord loves us and never chooses for us to be passive pawns. No, the Lord commands us to be active on our own behalf. Now let’s get on those horses again. It may be too dark to see much, yet there’s something I’ve got to show you.”
Samara and her spirited horse took the lead, and they rode across the moonlit dunes until they arrived at a group of low buildings and livestock-filled corrals.
When they dismounted, a bearded stable-keeper carrying a torch came out to greet them. Goats, sheep, camels, horses and mules pressed forward to see the unexpected visitors who had arrived in the night.
Gesturing at a corral that held six horses and twelve camels, Samara said, “These are all mine. I’m preparing a caravan, Valerius. I must go to Africa in search of the lands that are calling me, the lands ruled by Queens. When the day comes, I shall be ready. I hope you’ll go with me there before you return to Rome in search of your destiny.”
She watched his face expectantly, but he didn’t speak.
She continued, “I shall go, though, with you or without you. I must do all I can to win my dream. Don’t you see that you, too, must follow your keenest desire, even if you think it’s impossible? You and I cannot consign ourselves to the trash bin. I don’t know how we can succeed, yet we must try, Valerius. We must try.”
Her mind tried to understand his ongoing silence. Was he about to tell her that Rome had claims on him that she could never match? Part of her reluctantly believed that he should indeed return to Rome now, that he should fulfill his destiny there, just as she had to fulfill hers in Africa.
However, there was no way she could stop the clamor of her protesting heart, wishing he would stay with her always.