Dr Sanaa Baht

Dr Sanaa’s room is small and cosy. She sits in a green chair that faces the door. I sit opposite her in a pink chair that faces hers. Both chairs are soft and made from velvet. There is a table to my left with a box of Kleenex tissues. To the right of her chair is a window with a view of nothing in particular. A table sits underneath the window. It is covered with papers and files. A mobile phone is half-hidden underneath a set of keys. The carpet in her office is blue. Blue is my favourite colour.

Dr Sanaa Baht is a clinical psychologist. She works with people who suffer from depression and anxiety and work-related stress. Dr Sanaa is particularly interested in helping women. She offers appointments over Skype as well as in person. I have never had this kind of therapy before. Will I be able to see her face if we speak on Skype? Yes, of course. Okay, because I don’t think I would do very well if I couldn’t see her face. She wants to know that we can work well together. That she can work well with me as well as me with her. She uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I have tried this before. At the Student Counselling Service at university. I didn’t get on too well with it. I think it was the therapist. She barely looked me in the eye during our session. She was preoccupied with note taking. I didn’t go back. Dr Sanaa also uses Compassion Focused Therapy. I have never heard of that before.

What do I want to achieve from our sessions? I want to improve the quality of my life. My childhood was – complicated. I struggle with anxiety and low moods. I have depression. It can be debilitating. I want to learn how to better manage these episodes. They are now a regular feature in my life. I want to be able to cope. And I want to have hope. To know that there is something better for me. That this is not it, my life. I want to know that it can get better than this. Together, we will work through these challenges and difficulties and understand how they are affecting my life, my relationships and my work.

I pay to speak to Dr Sanaa. In the beginning, our appointments are once a week. I feel guilty about spending money on myself in this way but Kemi says I am worth it. She also reminds me how much I spend on my nails every month. I am investing in my well-being and that is priceless. Dr Sanaa is intelligent and experienced and understanding. She has a kind smile and my spirit takes to her immediately.

The great thing about Skype appointments is that I don’t have to worry about travelling to see Dr Sanaa, so it saves me valuable time. I like to start my weekend with a Saturday morning session. It helps me find balance after the working week and to start the weekend in a positive way. I speak to Dr Sanaa in my cowprint dressing gown with a cup of tea close to hand and a box of tissues, just in case. Dr Sanaa reminds me of Farah’s mum. I know that, underneath her hijab, she is a beautiful secret.