ROHANI WAS PROPPED up in bed. Her once abundant hair, now streaked with white, was left unbound. The tortoiseshell comb that held her hair lay abandoned on the table by the side of her bed alongside a glass of water and bottles of medicines. Her hands, thin like a bird’s and mottled, lay lifeless on the bed cover. From time to time, she would dab at her eyes. Children’s voices floated up from the garden. She looked forlornly out of the window. She saw James’s kite swirling outside the window rising higher and higher until it disappeared completely from her view. Shrieks of laughter followed it. They were Fern’s and Rose’s.
Another tear rolled down Rohani’s cheeks. Soon, James too would disappear from her life, along with Shao Peng and Jack. How could she bear it? She had as good as lost her only son, Siew Loong. After the initial days of her illness, his visits had again become few and far between. It was all her fault. She could only blame herself for the unhappiness she had caused everyone. Poor Siew Loong. Poor Suet Ping. Poor Rose and Fern. Would they ever forgive her when they grew up and learnt the truth of her actions.
Perhaps she should consider Shao Peng’s proposal. She could at least put right the wrong she did to Li Ling by taking her daughter in and giving her the education she sought. It would be a start to her atonement. It would, after all, not be much of a problem. Shao Peng had promised that she would make all the arrangements for schooling before she left. If Su Hei went to the same school as Fern and Rose, then the logistics of sending her there would be simple. She must make amends for her sins. She did not realise the full scale of Li Ling’s sufferings until this morning when Shao Peng told her. Poor girl.
She lifted the bed cover and placed her feet on the floor. Her legs felt shaky, as though they could not remember what they were for. She rose slowly, holding on to the bed’s edge. Through the window, she saw the kite bob down before swooping up again, its colourful tail swishing through the air. How wonderful, she thought, if I were to be like the kite. She reached for her walking cane. With infinite care she walked to the window and looked out to the garden. Fern and Rose were running after James as he tugged and pulled on his kite. Soon there would be just Fern and Rose. Would Siew Loong ever return to his wife? Would he give her a grandson? If not, she was to blame for ending the family’s bloodline. There would be no heir to carry the family name. Ngao would not forgive her, if he were alive.
***
“No! This would be better.” Li Ling held up a garment for Ah Chu’s inspection. “See here!” She fished out a grainy photograph taken when she first arrived in Malaya. Shao Peng had arranged for the picture as a memento. It showed Li Ling, Lai Ma and Jing-jing sitting in a row. Lai Ma was in the centre looking stiff and self conscious; Li Ling was on her left and Jing-jing on her right. Both were staring straight at the camera without a hint of a smile. Shao Peng, her lips slightly apart as though caught unaware, stood behind them in a loose Mandarin collared ensemble with frog buttons running down one side of the bodice.
Ah Chu peered closer at the photograph. Li Ling had on a plain looking samfoo. Its low stiff collar was buttoned up at the neck; the trousers, wide at the bottom, were of the same material. The dress was completely shapeless.
“Mine was pink, although you can’t see the colour from this photograph. We should make a couple of these dresses for Su Hei. I want her to look like me when I was young.”
Ah Chu sniffed; her nose twitched as though she had smelt something bad. She looked at the photograph again. It was true that Li Ling was very pretty despite her glum face. But it was unthinkable to make Su Hei wear those awful clothes. She pointed at the dress. “Not very flattering. It is not stylish is it? How would Su Hei compete with Ann Ee who owns a wardrobe that can fill this room. I was told Ann Ee wears only brocades and silk. Colourful clothes: gold, reds as vibrant as the hibiscus flowers in our garden or as deep as red roses; lush green that conjures up the scent of forests. How could the pink you describe do anything for Su Hei?”
“Didn’t I say that we are not competing with that woman? I want Su Hei to be me when I was young.” Li Ling lowered her voice and cast an anxious eye at her daughter seated within earshot. “I want him to fall in love with me all over again. Can’t you see that?”
Ah Chu saw the tremble in Li Ling’s lips. She sighed. “Fine! Fine! I understand.” At times she wondered if Li Ling was becoming a bit crazy. She had gone along with the idea because of the grudge she bore against the Ong family. Now she wasn’t sure if she had done the right thing. What started as a bit of prank seemed to be growing into something bigger.
Li Ling rushed over to Su Hei. She snatched a hairbrush from the dressing table and began brushing Su Hei’s hair. She applied the brush vigorously, stroke after stroke until the hair crackled. Her eyes shone with fervour. “I think we should do something to make her hair more beautiful. Do you think we should oil it just a tiny bit?” She ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair and twisted it right and left. “I had my hair braided when I was young. Su Hei should have it done the same way. Here, help me do the other side and let’s see if she looks like me in the photograph.
They braided Su Hei’s hair; then they dressed her in a pink samfoo. “There! What do you think? Li Ling stepped back and looked at Su Hei with satisfaction.
Su Hei kept still as a mouse while the two women fussed and argued around her. Her mother was looking happy. She wondered what was to become of her. Both women had assured her that they had her best interests at heart. “When I was young and foolish,” said her mother, “I refused to go to school. It was a big mistake on my part. I do not wish that to happen to you. You will get a chance to learn and possibly marry a man who any girl in town would jump at the chance to marry.”
“What if I don’t like him?” Su Hei had asked.
Her mother had looked shocked at the suggestion. “How could you not if you were my daughter? You are my blood. You are me. Oh my beloved daughter. You will love him and he you.” Su Hei was frightened by the intensity of her mother’s eyes. Her whole face seemed animated. “You will, you will,” Li Ling assured Su Hei grasping her arms. Su Hei’s skin tingled from the heat of her mother’s hands.
***
A week later, Ah Chu brought Su Hei to the Ong’s household. Shao Peng was expecting them.
“This is Su Hei, Li Ling’s daughter. She has only just arrived from China and is still finding her way around.” Ah Chu ushered Su Hei forward, her knuckles digging into the small of the girl’s back giving her no opportunity to resist. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take leave now,” she said to Shao Peng. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”
Su Hei turned in panic and grabbed Ah Chu’s hand. “Don’t leave, not yet,” she pleaded.
Ah Chu gave Su Hei a look warning her not to say anymore. “You’ll be all right. I’ll come to see you when I can.”
Turning back to Shao Peng, she explained. “She is just shy. She’ll be fine. I am sorry to leave so abruptly but I have urgent matters to attend to at home.” Ah Chu did not wish to stay a minute longer because she did not want to answer awkward questions. She deduced her past dealings would not endear her to the household. She especially did not want to chance seeing Rohani. She placed a folded letter in Shao Peng’s hand. “Su Hei brought this with her from China. I am sure you will find all the information you need in it.”
The words passed over Shao Peng’s head. She stood speechless, transfixed with her hand clasping the letter and her world at a standstill. Su Hei stood silently looking down. When she finally raised her eyes, Shao Peng took a step back, almost stumbling in the process. Her hand shot up to her chest; the letter fluttered to the floor. She could feel her heart beat. “Su Hei? she asked hesitantly. There was no mistaking her for anyone but Li Ling’s daughter. She was her splitting image.
“So, this is her,” said Suet Ping coming into the drawing room blissfully unaware of the tense under-currents. “What a pretty girl! Come, come and meet my daughters, Fern and Rose. You will be going to the same school and they will help you out.”
Suet Ping’s entrance brought Shao Peng to the present. She looked at her sister-in-law. Suet Ping showed no sign of recognition. Then why should she? Li Ling was always in the kitchen and Suet Ping was a guest then and probably did not notice the servants. She must take a grip of herself and not spoil it for Suet Ping.
“Yes, let’s go and see Fern and Rose,” she agreed with a brightness she did not feel. “It is not I but my stepmother who is the mistress of this household. She is taking a nap and we should not disturb her.” So saying, she led Su Hei to the stairway.
“Do you have any other luggage?” Suet Ping asked looking at the meagre bag in the girl’s hand. Surely, she wondered, there could not be more than three garments in the whole bag.
“No,” Su Hei answered, “just this.”
“Come! We’ll go to your room and deposit your bag. We’ll check later to see what else you might need.” Shao Peng glanced at Su Hei from the corner of her eye. She was troubled and could not dispel the feeling of deja vu. She could feel the hairs standing up on her arms. She shivered.
They went up the stairs with Suet Ping following closely. “You are in the room next to my daughters,” she told Su Hei. “You will share their bathroom. It is not a big room and Fern and Rose have helped decorate it. You’ll see.” Suet Ping was glad to have another young person in the house. With her mother-in-law ill and Siew Loong away most of the time, the household had become even more gloomy.
Su Hei ran her hand over the banister; the wood was satin smooth under her fingers. She withdrew her hand hastily; she had left a trail of damp finger marks. Looking up, she saw lights that twinkled like diamonds. A large blue and white pot of ferns stood at the corner of the landing, their fronds lush and full, sprouting from its core. The house was very grand; it was in fact the most beautiful house she had ever seen. She felt intimidated by it all. Her stomach churned. She wished her mother was with her to see it. She could not reveal that her mother was in the country. She did not know when she would be able to see her again. She felt herself being carried along by a tide of events she had no control over. She regretted promising her mother so much.
Shao Peng, observed the flit of emotions on the girl’s face and the desperate sadness in her eyes. “What’s the matter?” she asked.
Su Hei shook her head. She could not speak.
They stopped in front of a door. “Here you are. I hope you like it.” Shao Peng pushed open the door and stepped aside to allow Su Hei in. She looked at Suet Ping. Their eyes met. “Perhaps we should let you settle down and make yourself at home. Fern and Rose will come to you in a while. When you are ready come down. We’ll talk then.”
After they left, Su Hei sat on the bed. Her mother’s instructions ricocheted in her head and an incredible sense of tiredness came over her. She lay on the bed and drew her knees up to her chest. She was frightened.