| |
After the glory of finally getting their hands on each other and getting off, Jamie had expected they’d lay side by side in bed silently catching their breath. Then, if they were very lucky and not too awkward, at least one of them would pass out.
But that was not what was happening. Instead, they’d been lazily making out for the last ten minutes. Jamie’s skin was singing with happiness. Callum wouldn’t stop touching him, wouldn’t stop smiling into his mouth. Jamie had no idea what he’d done to be the center of anyone’s universe like this. But Callum Griffiths-Davies’s? This was bizarre. All he’d done was ask for advice about being bisexual in public and then been either very brave or very foolish and asked if Callum had been flirting with him. Apparently, this hookup was the door prize for that, even if he hadn’t slept in days and had barely been able to hold up his end of the conversation.
“You are absolutely lovely,” Callum murmured into the skin of his neck.
“How long have you wanted to do this?” Jamie asked, enjoying Callum’s long legs tangled with his.
Callum’s chuckle in response was almost rueful.
Jamie opened one eye enough to give him a curious squint.
“For longer than might be considered decent or strictly professional.” Callum kissed him again.
“That’s not decent. Or professional in any sense of the word.” Jamie stuttered a little as Callum trailed kisses from his mouth to his chest and then down his stomach to nuzzle at his hipbone. It was affectionate, even tender, and Jamie hadn’t known that having someone’s mouth there could be either.
“Are you complaining?” Callum asked, pressing a kiss to the heated skin and then smiling up at him with such sweetness Jamie thought he might go to pieces.
* * *
THEY SPENT THE WHOLE weekend like that: In bed, in various stages of undress and arousal, murmuring too much praise at each other and laughing. To be fair, there was also a lot of takeaway after Callum tried to make them dinner and burnt it because they’d gotten distracted with each other again.
Jamie was grateful for the respite from the world the weekend represented. He wasn’t looking forward to going back outside and dealing with people who were not Callum. He didn’t want to leave and didn’t know what would happen next. Eventually, he was going to have to ask. But it wouldn’t be fair to ask Callum what he wanted to do next until Jamie knew his own agenda.
He thought about it intermittently as they sprawled tangled together on the couch; as Callum massaged shampoo into his hair in the shower; as Jamie sat on the kitchen counter, Callum standing between his knees as they shared cold leftover takeout. The casual intimacy was everything Jamie had imagined in a long-term relationship, but this could never, he was sure, be that. Jamie was in the throes of a fantasy, much like the movie they were making together. He tried to tease the source of his romantic notions apart.
Callum certainly wasn’t the first person Jamie had gone to bed with, but he was the first person who had any sort of real experience at life. That was appealing, more appealing than Jamie would have thought. None of Jamie’s relationships ever lasted long. He’d had fun with people, both boys and girls, but had never slept with someone and woken up thinking about having a future with them. He knew he was ridiculous to be doing that now — appallingly so. Callum was married and had adult children. But Jamie hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much to linger in this fantasy just a little bit longer.
* * *
“WHAT’S THE PLAN FOR tomorrow?” Jamie asked on Sunday afternoon as he played with the little locks of hair that curled at Callum’s forehead. They were on the bed, the sheets kicked down to the foot. The afternoon sunshine was warm on Jamie’s bare skin and made him pine for a beach holiday.
“Mmm?” Callum asked, lazy with Jamie’s gentle touches.
“At work. Tomorrow. With you and me?” Jamie said. Callum had two little freckles, right at the corner of his left eye. Jamie hadn’t noticed them before this weekend. “I’m not asking for anything,” he hastened to add. “I just don’t want to screw up.”
“I hardly think you could do that.” Callum smiled at him, his eyes still closed. “But it’s a fair question. And you shouldn’t be afraid of asking for things if you do want them.”
“Well, yes, but.” Jamie shrugged. In the few months they had known each other, Callum had always been generous, but in ways that seemed easy to take advantage of. It made him nervous. “You’re married. And have kids older than me. So if this is just for today — ”
“Why do those things preclude another relationship? With you or anyone else?”
Jamie wasn’t sure how to answer that. The reasons seemed too multitudinous to name. Time lurked at the top of the list.
When Jamie remained silent, Callum opened his eyes and rolled onto his side. He leaned up on his elbow, chin resting on his hand. “Because there’s room in my life for a lot of people. Which is not to say that fitting a relationship with you into the rest of my life would be easy,” he said. “To be fair, I’m out of practice. It’s been a while since I’ve had anything but flings outside my marriage. But that’s no reason not to try, if that’s what we both want.”
Jamie digested that for a moment, but he needed Callum to ask the question.
“What do you want?” Callum asked.
“To know what is going on,” Jamie admitted. “Without me making a fool out of myself, if possible.”
Callum curled a hand behind Jamie’s neck and rolled them so he was on top. Jamie noted how careful Callum was not to crush him. He thought he was grateful, but maybe he wanted to be crushed, by Callum’s body and charm and desire, ’til his fear was gone and there was nothing left.
“Tomorrow at work,” Callum nuzzled into Jamie’s hair. “We will comport ourselves like professionals, because we are professionals. That’s no indication of wanting to keep you a secret,” he said firmly. “But people yell at me when I get caught snogging on set.”
Jamie laughed. “I’d want to avoid that myself. But I don’t mind. I mean, I don’t want to be your dirty little secret. But it’s nice to have this just be between us. For now?”
Jamie had never said anything like that to anyone. He’d never had anything he wanted to keep secret and sacred before. He bit his lip as he waited for Callum to respond.
“I know the feeling,” Callum said. Jamie wasn’t sure if the man was just humoring him. “You’re quite a nice thing to cherish and keep all to myself.” Before Jamie could respond properly to that, he went on. “Which means that tomorrow night, you can come back here, or go back to your flat, as you please. Same for the next night. And the one after that.”
Jamie blinked up at Callum from the pillows, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. “So...not just this weekend?”
“Not unless that’s what you want,” Callum said. For someone with such a massive personality that could so easily bowl over people, Jamie couldn’t help but notice how careful Callum was with consent.
Jamie shook his head.
“Thank goodness,” Callum breathed.
Jamie was surprised by Callum’s relief. “What about Nerea?” Sure, he had spoken to her, but that conversation had been so brief. He didn’t have a full sense of all their rules, or the time and space he should give Callum to deal with the priorities in his life.
“Nerea is a remarkable woman and an astounding human being. I’ve no earthly idea why she’s still with me. Though I thank God for every day she is.”
“Not to be super nosy, but is the issue you sleeping around?”
“You talked to her.”
Jamie hesitated. “Is Nerea seeing other people too?”
“Not at the moment, no.”
“But she does?”
“Sometimes. She’s much better than I at building relationships. So her adventures tend to last longer and have more space between them. But sex with other people is not the reason I am difficult to live with or why my marriage to her, like any marriage, has taken a lot of work.”
“What is then?”
Callum laughed. “You’re ambitious.”
Jamie spluttered and tried to offer so many denials at once that absolutely nothing coherent came out.
“Shhhhhh, I was joking.”
Jamie gave Callum a skeptical look.
“I’m the one who keeps asking you to stay,” Callum pointed out.
“Yeah, about that, my driver’s supposed to be by my flat in — ” Jamie looked at his mobile. “ — fourteen hours. Which means I either need to get out of here, make some awkward phone calls, or get up at the absolute crack of dawn.”
“Whichever makes you happiest. But there’s nothing inherently wrong with colleagues meeting for a coffee before work.”
“Really?” Jamie somehow doubted his driver would fall for that.
“Breakfast?” Callum tried again.
Jamie didn’t change his expression.
“Another quick tumble?” Callum grabbed for Jamie’s waist as their laughter dissolved into another kiss, this time filled with intent.