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As soon as Jamie got to the street he realized he’d left his keys and his mobile at Callum and Nerea’s. He wasn’t getting home to his flat tonight, and there was no way he was going back upstairs. The lack of a mobile also made crashing with a friend difficult; he didn’t want to show up at somebody’s door unannounced in the middle of the night. And finding a pub to sit and drink in until morning seemed pathetic. The only option left was to walk. Which he did for hours until he had worked off his rage.
He slowed his pace but didn’t stop moving as worry overtook anger. He kept his head down, not wanting anyone to see that his eyes were wet although there were few people on the street at this hour. Tonight he had very possibly screwed up absolutely everything that had been good and magical in his life: Not only his relationship with Callum and Nerea, but his career, too.
His mother had been right that one wrong move could follow him forever. Jamie’s outburst tonight had definitely been a misstep, but so was Nerea exposing their relationship without having checked with him first. Dating his co-star’s wife looked ugly, and anything truthful Jamie could say to make it look less ugly wasn’t his to say. Jamie wasn’t sure he liked that scenario. If he was going to be open about his relationships he wanted to be open about all his relationships. Assuming things between him, Nerea, and Callum were fixable, would they be amenable to that? And if they were, what would the wider consequences be? Every choice opened a massive can of worms, and this mess wasn’t just about his public life. What would his parents think?
He turned onto the Strand and stayed with it as it became Fleet Street. He passed St. Paul’s Cathedral and drifted down Cannon toward the monument to the Great Fire. The light shone on the wet pavement; the windows glowed even in the small hours of the morning; and the fog wound its way through the streets. He walked until he was too tired to feel scared and too preoccupied with the city to feel sad.
By the time he reached the middle of Tower Bridge the sky was beginning to grow light. Jamie stood watching the river as it turned from black and gold to a gray streaked with blue. London wasn’t ever going to be home in the way the Dublin of his childhood had been. But he was absolutely in love with this city and his life in it. On some level he was still a scared little boy wanting to run back to his family for comfort, but right now that wasn’t about his relatives in Ireland. It was about Callum and Nerea and their odd too-small flat under the eaves. It was time to go home.
Jamie wasn’t sure if his lovers would accept his apology when he got there, but he knew he owed them one. And if they did forgive him, Jamie had demands of his own now. After all, he deserved an apology too.
By the time he got back to Covent Garden, the businesses that catered to the morning’s first commuters were starting to open. He stopped into Costa for coffee and a bag of pastries; ten minutes later he was standing on the sidewalk in front of Callum and Nerea’s building. He hit the buzzer with his knuckles. Even if he had remembered his keys, after their argument waiting for them to answer only seemed polite.
He startled when the door swung open and Callum, still wearing last night’s clothes, stood before him. His jacket was gone, his tuxedo shirt was nearly halfway open, and his tie, undone, hung creased around his neck. His hair was a mess and there were deep circles under his lovely hazel eyes.
“Oh thank God,” he breathed as he pulled Jamie inside and wrapped him up in a hug so tight he could scarcely breathe.
Jamie wriggled awkwardly to save the pastries from being crushed and then buried his face in Callum’s shoulder, inhaling the familiar, reassuring scent of his cologne and Nerea’s shampoo. When Callum finally let go, he held Jamie’s shoulders tightly as if he was afraid he was going to run away again. It was then that Jamie noticed Nerea at the top of the stairs, barefoot but still in her dress from the gallery, looking tired and yet more lovely than he’d ever seen her.
“Are you going to come up?” she asked.
* * *
UPSTAIRS, JAMIE BOUNCED on the balls of his feet. He had a script prepared of everything he needed to apologize for and ask about and explain, but Callum put a steadying hand on his shoulder before he could even open his mouth.
“Clearly, we all need to have a conversation,” he said gently. “But just as clearly, we all need a nap. And a shower.” He gave Jamie a somewhat worried smile, looking his rain-soaked hair and clothes up and down.
Nerea nodded her agreement. “So we are going to hold off on the discussion until we are all clean, no longer tired, and have completely devoured that lovely heap of sugar and carbs,” she said, indicating the bag of pastries with a nod of her head.
Jamie felt himself relax. Apparently he was not done learning tonight. With ease and gentleness, Callum and Nerea had made it clear that the conversation they desperately needed to have could keep, and none of it had to be handled with anger and panic. The three of them were going to be okay. Even so, Jamie wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep with so much left to solve. But as soon as he got out of the shower and crawled into bed in his usual spot between the two of them every muscle in his body seemed to give out at once. He thought he said something about being glad to be back. But he was asleep before he could be sure.
When he woke the sky outside was overcast and it was hard to tell the time of day. He groped around until he managed to get his hands on someone’s mobile. Early afternoon.
Nerea woke when Jamie tossed the mobile back down on the bed. She cracked an eye open and smiled at him.
“Feeling better?” she asked quietly.
Jamie nodded, even though he felt nervous all over again. “Yeah.”
“Good. Now poke Callum. If we have to be awake, he has to be awake.”
Callum was much more reluctant about returning to consciousness, but eventually got out of bed to bring them all coffee. As Nerea and Jamie propped themselves up against the headboard Callum sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed facing them.
“I want to apologize to you,” Jamie said as soon as they were all settled.
Nerea tried to interrupt, but he held up a hand.
“No, let me finish. I said some things to Callum that were unfair, and I put you in a bad position, Nerea. It was your night, to be handled on your terms, and I made it about my reaction to someone’s bad behavior toward you. For that, I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” Nerea said with a gracious nod of her head.
“That said,” Jamie continued. “I am not a mind reader. And I should not be told ‘this is how we do things’ only after the fact. I’m twenty-four, I’ve never been in the public eye before, I don’t know anything, and all I did was read that damn book.”
Callum put his hand on Jamie’s knee and squeezed, which didn't solve any problems, but it felt nice.
“Also,” Jamie added, “We need to talk about the things I am and am not going to be out about. Just like I need to engage your lives on your terms, you need to engage me on mine. It wasn’t your place to publicize my relationship with Nerea without asking how I felt about that first.”
“I’m sorry too,” she said.
“Thank you.”
“So am I,” Callum said. “You’re right, we should have talked about this all weeks ago.”
“Well, what’s done is done,” Jamie said with an awkward smile.
For a moment everyone was quiet, but it was the quiet of peace and ease, not of tension and brewing argument. Jamie let himself breathe for a while, enjoying a world that seemed far more stable than when he’d wandered London last night.
“What happens now?” he finally ventured to ask.
“I suppose,” Nerea said with a glance at Callum, “We say out loud what we’ve been hedging around for some time. The relationships between us are not casual, not simple, and, as the events of last night make clear, can’t be private forever. What I am going to say is that, Jamie, I love you, and I am very glad you are back here, and we are going to figure out that and so much else together.”
Jamie nodded without being able to make words. For him this had never been something casual, not with Callum, not from that first day; and not with Nerea either, a thing cemented somehow, when they’d been at the beach, and Nerea, always so confident, had made a self-deprecating remark about her one-piece black swimsuit. To hide the evidence of all those babies, she’d said, as if she weren’t perfect, as if any of the movie industry bullshit they were all wedded to mattered. Jamie was constantly honored that she’d trusted him with any part of the rich history of her life or her body.
“Okay,” he finally found his voice enough to say. “I love you too. Both of you.” He looked back and forth between them rapidly, all overwhelmed emotion. “Very much.”
“As do I,” Callum put in, looking a bit stunned.
“Now that’s settled,” Nerea said, “We have something we’d like to ask you.”
“Yeah? After all that?”
Nerea smiled. “Oh yes. If we’re doing this seriously and without an expiration date — and if we’re making scenes in public — there’s no reason not to invite you to come with us to Spain for the holidays. And Margarita’s wedding.”
“Is she going to be okay with that?” Jamie asked. Margarita had not been thrilled with him dating her parents when they had met. He imagined she would be even less thrilled about him being at her parents’ house for Christmas and her wedding.
“We'll talk to her,” Callum said. “But I'm sure she'll be fine provided you don’t upstage her. Thank you for asking; it's good of you.”
“As for Christmas,” Nerea put in. “There are going to be a lot of people around. Whether that’s a positive or a negative is up to you. But our girls are all coming and thanks to the wedding there will be more friends and relatives hanging about than we’ll know what to do with. We’d very much like you to be a part of that.”
“I’d love to,” Jamie said breathlessly. He reached to grab both Callum and Nerea’s hands. He was overwhelmed both with relief and with excitement that he got to continue this incredible relationship. Not only theoretically, but with concrete plans and arrangements. “I have to —” he stopped himself, his happy mood deflating.
“What is it?” Callum looked alarmed.
“I have to tell my parents. That I won’t be home for Christmas. And that I’m dating you. Both of you. Especially before they read about it in the papers. That’s okay, isn’t it?” he added. If nothing else this whole mess was a lesson in the importance of not making assumptions.
“Of course it is,” Nerea said.
“What do you need from us?” Callum asked.
“I don’t know. Yet. It’s not going to be an easy conversation. But if we’re going to be together, I really need to have it.”