Chapter Fifteen

Ooooops!

SKER-DUMPF

The Toxic Spew skidded off the left-hand rear rocket booster of the police ship  …  and then scraped all along its left-hand side –

SKER-REECHH

 …  and shattered twenty-four blue hazard warning lights –

SKER-RUNCHH!

Finally, it stopped.

Amazingly, no one was hurt.

Yargal hugged Harvey soggily. ‘Captain you saved us!’

‘Well done, sir,’ said Gizmo.

‘Good flying!’ said Scrummage.

‘Don’t thank me,’ said Harvey. ‘Thank Maxie. She’s just spent the last fifteen minutes piloting this ship with death-defying skill. If it wasn’t for her, we’d be history.’

But Maxie was sitting with her head buried in her hands.

Harvey went over to her. ‘Are you OK?’

She didn’t even look up. ‘No. We are in soooo much trouble!’

The crew thought about this for a nanobeat and then everyone launched into a quick game of ‘I Blame You’.

(In case you don’t play this game on Earth: there are no rules – you just have to blame someone else either before they can blame you, or more than they can blame you. Or both.)

Gizmo kicked off. ‘Fine captain you turned out to be!’ he snorted at Harvey.

‘What did I do?’

‘You said take the HyperspaceWay!’

‘I also said don’t do anything dodgy – you know, like go the wrong way  …  or smash into an Intergalactic Traffic Police ship!’

‘We’re all going to be arrested!’ cried Yargal.

‘I’ll be banned from flying forever and it’s your fault!’ Maxie bawled at Harvey.

‘When they find the Explo-Foam we’re all doomed!’ wailed Scrummage.

‘No, you are,’ said Gizmo. ‘You loaded it onto the ship.’

‘Oh yeah? Well, I’ll tell them you did!’ retorted Scrummage.

It wasn’t exactly a fun game but at least everyone could play. Anyhow, they were interrupted by the bossy voice booming out again:

‘WE ARE BOARDING YOUR SHIP.’

Maxie grabbed Harvey’s arm and whispered, ‘Just don’t try telling them you come from Earth.’

Harvey wanted to ask why, but the crew were too busy panicking.

‘My career is over!’ cried Gizmo, pacing the deck. ‘I’ll never make captain now!’

‘We’re done for.’ Scrummage slumped forwards and sat with his head on the garbage desk.

Yargal chewed her tentacles, and Snuffles whined.

‘We may as well just give ourselves up,’ said Maxie.

Harvey took command. ‘No!’ he ordered. ‘Never say die! It’s not over till the final whistle.’

‘Er  …  whistle? What whistle?’ asked the crew, totally confused.

The Intergalactic Traffic Police

But before Harvey could explain, a familiar high, whining drone drilled into their ears, and two Intergalactic Traffic Police Officers transported onto the command bridge.

They wore black uniforms, dark glasses and mean expressions. Both of them wore their short multicoloured hair gelled into sharp spikes.

There’s something about the Intergalactic Traffic Police that can scare the pants off you. It’s probably the multifunctional ray guns tucked in their belts. These have three settings: ‘Lightly Sting’, ‘Badly Bruise’ and ‘REALLY, REALLY HURT’.

The officers stood on the command bridge and looked about ominously. One of them was a giant of a man who loomed over all of them – even Gizmo. But it was the shorter one that bothered Harvey. He had a nasty look about him. Very nasty.

Harvey knew the type – the worst sort of bully. You know, one who really does have power over you, and likes to use it. Harvey had met a referee like him last season. The Highford All Stars were one-nil down in the semi-final, and then Harvey scored. But the ref said he was offside when he wasn’t. And when Harvey appealed, he got the red card. The All Stars lost.

‘Remember, we’re all in this together,’ hissed Harvey. ‘We’re a team.’

‘Which one of you idiots is responsible for flying the wrong way along the HyperspaceWay and smashing into the side of our ship?’ growled the smaller, mean-looking officer.

In one swift move, everyone pointed at Harvey and said:

‘He is!’

Harvey rolled his eyes. Thanks a bunch, he thought.