Chapter Fifty-eight

 

 

…Trust is a difficult thing…

 

David’s mind was in turmoil as they walked the long hallway to Cecilia’s study. His temper was in check, but his emotions were not. Everything had become crystal clear—clear as to why she had abruptly stopped calling last July—clear as to who her mystery friend was—clear that she’d planned the whole thing from the dinner engagement in October to the present. She had played him for a fool. He couldn’t believe he’d been so deceived. He had trusted her, and she had betrayed him.

Entering the room, Cecilia immediately rounded her desk and sank gracefully behind it. David followed, closing the door behind them with a sharp snap. He drew in a deep breath and leaned against the thick slab with his arms folded across his chest.

He nodded. “Now I finally know the truth—the truth about why you didn’t ring me last summer.” He paused and tilted his head. “Let us see. Yes, your calls abruptly stopped at just about the time Elizabeth disappeared. And then there was your mystery friend—Elizabeth.”

Pushing away from the door he strolled over to her desk.

“How could you do this? You knew—all this time—and you knew. You knew I was looking for Elizabeth, that I wanted to know where she was, and you knew what was going on with my brother. We had discussed Fitzwilliam and his marriage and what he was going through in great detail. You had the information I sought, and yet you kept it from me. You also knew enough about me and my family to understand that my brother would want to know he was a father. Why? Why did you do this?”

Cecilia’s brow rose in an aloof manner as she met David’s intimidating stare, answering him in what he considered to be her boardroom tone. “First of all, David, I have known Elizabeth and her family far longer than I have known anything of the Darcys. Our families go back for many generations. Our ancestral grandfathers were business partners in the early 1800s, and I spent my summers at Longbourn after my mother’s death. Secondly, when Elizabeth called last year, she was sick and frightened. When I brought her here, I had to admit her to the hospital. She needed to escape from whatever it was that had happened to her, and if I hadn’t been there, there might not have been any children.”

Cecilia dropped her gaze. “It was her wish to stay hidden, so my hands were tied.” She glanced up and looked David directly in the eye. “My loyalty lies with Elizabeth first and foremost, as yours does with your brother.”

His jaw tightened. “Then where does that leave us? I thought as my wife, your loyalty would lie with me.”

“Wife?” She blinked in disbelief. “I wasn’t aware we were married, or even engaged, for that matter.”

“Oh, come now, Cecilia. You must have known where my intentions might lie. I mean, we had an understanding, and you knew I loved you.”

“David, you presume too much! We’ve never discussed marriage. In fact, you’ve told me repeatedly that you’re not the marrying kind. If you intended marriage, you should’ve told me. I do believe it is customary in England, as it is in America, to ask first rather than assume!”

He pivoted sharply. “Yes, I suppose I should’ve asked—but thank God I didn’t! If I cannot be your first loyalty, then I am nothing at all. Deception of every sort is repulsive to me, and you have certainly deceived me, Lawton. We could’ve worked this out if you had only come to me.”

Glaring, his features grew darker. Pain shot through him at the thought of what she had done. It was time to cut through the chase.

“Tell me, Cecilia, what was all that pillow talk about?”

She turned away, biting her lower lip. Tears welled, threatening to spill as she shook her head. Her eyes once again found his, but she remained silent.

“You used me, didn’t you?” he asked as he paced back and forth, cutting his eyes in her direction. “You used your beauty and feminine charms to draw me in—to obtain information concerning my brother. And for what? To protect Elizabeth from my brother—the man who loved her?” He looked away, and then drew back. “I was trying to find her, and you knew where she was all along, yet you pretended to not even know her.” Stopping in front of Cecilia’s desk, he placed both hands on the fine oak finish as he leaned into her. “How long did you think you could get away with such duplicity?”

He waited for her response, but she only stared, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. His patience wore thin.

“Answer me, damn it!”

Flinching, Cecilia held his furious gaze and drew in a quick, sharp breath, trembling violently as tears burned her eyes. “In the beginning, I will admit that I was trying to get information about your brother. I wanted to know why he’d left his wife, breaking her heart.”

“Breaking her heart!” He pushed away from her desk and straightened to his full height. “Don’t even go there,” he cried in disgust. “Elizabeth broke his heart! I witnessed him going through the hell she sent him to!”

“David, please, let me finish,” Cecilia pleaded, her eyes begging him for understanding.

“Oh, by all means, carry on. Let’s hear it!”

Cecilia whispered as she shook her head. “I felt terrible about using you—I really did, but it was done for my dearest friend. Then something happened that I did not anticipate. I fell in love with you. I hadn’t planned it. I hadn’t even wanted it, but it happened all the same.” Chewing on her lip, she blinked back her tears. “I was confused by what you told me. I didn’t know what to think. I wanted to go to Elizabeth and tell her the truth about us, and I wanted to tell you. But I was afraid that once your brother found out where she was, he would try to take her children away from her, and I couldn’t let that happen.”

Tears streaked her cheeks as her voice shook. “You must believe me when I tell you that I was caught in the middle between the man I loved and the woman who has been a lifelong friend. Truly, to deceive is not honorable, but when the truth holds a bitter reality, deception is pardonable. I never used anything you said against you or your brother, but I could not tell you about Elizabeth.”

He glared at her from across the room as her explanations fell on deaf ears. All he could see or understand was how she had betrayed him. Memories of how he had held her their last night together, comforting her as she cried, tried to intrude. He squashed them, refusing to feel what those memories would invoke. Sucking in a furious breath, he laid in to her.

“So you used your body to draw me in—to weaken me and loosen my tongue, and it worked. Oh yes!” he ground out. “It worked! The oldest trick in the book, and I fell for it. I trusted you! You’re good, Lawton—damned good!” He clenched his jaw and shook his head. “True to your reputation, you used me! And true to mine, I fell for a beautiful face. You used my weakness against me. I must congratulate you, love.”

Tears burned his eyes. His heart broke at the thought of being deceived by the one woman he’d dared to love. Never in his dreams could he have imagined a woman would play him. Him! David Darcy—the shrewd, calculating man who played and never lost, the man who took what he wanted and discarded it when he was finished. Angry at her, but more angry at himself, he turned to face her.

“I told you she left him! She left him with a signed divorce statement and a letter! It was Elizabeth’s word over mine, and that meant more to you than I did. You could have told me. You should have told me!”

She shook her head as the tears began to fall.

He glared at her in revulsion. “How does it feel, Cecilia? How does it feel to be a Mata Hari, no better than a harlot? Or to use your own words, a whore! Payment made for services rendered.”

Her eyes widened as her temper finally snapped, letting him know the gloves were off. “David, I don’t give a damn about what you think of me! I’ve told you the truth, and if you don’t believe me, then you know where the door is, and don’t let it hit you in the ass when you walk through it!”

David stood, staring her down. The words she’d spoken from their first intimate encounter echoed inside of him. …But one thing must be made crystal clear, Darcy. Just because I screw you, it does not mean that I love you or that I ever will. Understand that, and we’ll get along just fine.

He nodded in recognition. She had used him, true to her reputation.

“You’re the best, aren’t you, Lawton?” David laughed sarcastically. “Yes, you fake it with the best of them, with such elegance, such grace, such refined style—charm honed to a skill, and what a skill you possess! You fucking little hypocrite!”

Shaking with anger, she erupted. “Has it come to this? Has your love turned to hate, so fickle that you change your feelings as often as you change your socks? You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?” Furious tears streamed down her face as she leaned forward and bore down on him. “You think I don’t know? Well, I do my homework, too, and I know all about your reputation, David Darcy, so don’t you dare speak to me about my faults because you live in a glass house. In the beginning, you were using me just as much as I was using you, and you damn well know it!

“Don’t think I was fooled by your charms. I know full well I was nothing more to you than your next lay, a score you finally made, nothing more than one of the sluts you’re accustomed to dating. You men are all alike. It’s a man’s world, and it always has been. You think you can do as you damned well please and throw women away when you’re through with them. I learned that truth only too well under my father’s tutelage!”

“And have I not learnt anything from my father about the deceit of women? He taught me well! Only I chose not to see what was right there in front of me. I knew you were lying back in October, but I chose to believe you when all my instincts declared otherwise. You’re all just alike. YOU BITCH!”

“How dare you, you bastard!” She hissed. “I’m not some naïve little country girl still wet behind the ears, clinging to her nanny, and I’m not going to sit here and take your insults, so don’t hand me that bullshit of how I’ve used you. I’ve bought all of it I’m going to buy! I haven’t done anything that you haven’t done. You have nothing on me. We’re two of a kind, two peas in a pod. My loyalty to Elizabeth is every bit as deep as yours is to your brother, so if you can’t see past your pride, you arrogant prick, then you can take a one-way ticket straight to hell! GET OUT!”

Silence screamed between them. There was plenty he wanted to say…wanted to deny…wanted to explain. But not one word would make a difference. He drew back and arched a brow with a sarcastic smile.

“Touché, Miss Lawton.” He shook his head with a humorless laugh. “May we both be happy with the choices we’ve made!”

“Yes,” she bit back, “your temper is resentful, and your good opinion, when lost, is lost forever,” she scornfully quoted him.

With tears stinging his eyes, he said, “I made my first mistake when I thought you cared—no, I take that back. I made my first mistake when I had dinner with you over a year ago. Goodbye, Cecilia.” He turned and walked towards the door.

She rose from her desk. Confusion and desperation erupted amid her fury.

“David, there’s one more thing you need to know. If it comes down to a fight between your brother and my friend, I will be your enemy. If he takes her to court, I will hire the best attorneys this country has to offer, and I will win!”

David slowly turned back. “I’ll see you in hell first!”

With that, he opened the door and walked out, slamming it shut behind him. The sound of smashing glass against the door punctuated his departure. Their relationship ended as it had begun—with a final flash of her temper and the smashing of what was most likely the antique vase sitting on her desk.

 

~*~

 

As Fitzwilliam walked down the long hallway towards the front door, his attention was alerted to the sound of breaking glass. He stopped and turned to see David fast approaching.

“Fitzwilliam, let’s go. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible. I’ve had quite enough.”

Without saying a word, the two brothers exited the house. When they stepped out into brilliant sunshine, Fitzwilliam stopped short. A white dove flew by, soiling his jacket as it passed. He paused briefly and watched as it headed for the old magnolia at the corner of East and South Battery Streets. Fitzwilliam glanced back at his brother as he removed a handkerchief from his pocket. The day did not match his mood, and by the look on his brother’s face, neither did it reflect David’s.

 

~*~

 

Finally calming down, Cecilia sat in her office thinking about what had just happened. Tears of anger streamed down her face. She had known this day would come, and whatever the outcome, she would live with it, knowing she had protected her friend. If she had it to do all over again, she would do it all the same. A harsh sob escaped her throat, betraying her anguish.

…So he intended to propose. Well, if he loves me like he said…? And if he doesn’t? I’m better off without him! One man like Daddy was enough! I’ve shed all the tears I’m going to…Cameron… Cameron was right.

Shaking, she rose to her feet and left her study to go in search of Elizabeth. When she entered the sunroom, she saw Elizabeth sitting alone, both children sleeping peacefully in their cribs.

“Lizzy, are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m all right, just a little shell-shocked.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Shall I call for tea?”

“Yes, please do. I need to talk. I have been avoiding thinking of the future. And now I have to face it.”

Cecilia motioned for the servant standing outside the glass wall, making her request for tea and whatever scones there were left in the kitchen from breakfast. They sat for hours talking about what had happened. Elizabeth told Cecilia all Fitzwilliam had said, and Cecilia, in turn, related everything about her and David from the beginning nearly three years ago to what had just happened in her study.

“Celia, I’m sorry.” Elizabeth moved next to her, hugging her friend close as Cecilia dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

“It’s not what you think, Lizzy. David loved me. I know he did, but he’ll never forgive me. I understand him well enough to know that.”

Drying her eyes, she squared her shoulders. “Lizzy, what are you going to do about Fitzwilliam and the babies?”

“I don’t know. For the longest time I have missed him—wanted him. Now I just don’t know. I can’t go through this again, and I don’t trust his family. We will talk again tomorrow. We do have to decide what we are going to do. I suppose I have to at least give him visitation rights, and he’ll probably press for joint custody. This is not how I wanted things to be!” She sighed heavily and shook her head.

“Celia, I’m beginning to think Fitzwilliam’s family conspired from the beginning to separate us. I knew his father didn’t approve of our marriage. Apparently, neither did his aunt, and who knows who else. His aunt deceived us both. I’m certain of it. Even though neither of us trusts the other, I know Fitzwilliam told me the truth today, which doesn’t match with what his aunt told me or his letter. Something doesn’t add up.”

“No, Lizzy, it doesn’t, but building trust takes time, which it appears the two of you didn’t have enough of.”

“Yes, I know we shouldn’t have rushed into marriage. Yet, it’s not entirely his fault. We really did love one another. I wanted him as much as he wanted me.” She turned to her friend. “What about you, Celia? What will you do?”

Cecilia released a long breath. “Nothing. What can I do?” she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “I should never have used him. It was wrong. Still, he was just as much at fault as I was. He was more than willing to use me. We used each other in the beginning. I don’t know what I want anymore.”

Elizabeth took Cecilia’s hand in hers, patting it softly. “Promise me one thing. Promise me you’ll not take Cameron Taylor up on his offer. Whatever you do, don’t do that.”

“I’ll make no such promise. It’s time I gave Cameron a second look—when I’m recovered enough, that is.”

Her mind in turmoil, she compared the two men in her life. One she loved. The other she’d probably marry.

 

~*~

 

As the Darcy brothers pulled from the curb onto South Battery Street, David finally spoke. “Fitzwilliam, let’s have an early dinner and retire for the night. I’m in no mood for anything more.”

“Where do you suggest? This is my first time in Charleston.”

“There’s a little café on Queen Street I’ve always liked. I’ll take you there. Tell me, how did your talk with Elizabeth go—better than mine, I hope?”

“Probably not. Elizabeth tells me she won’t attempt to leave the country, but I intend to make sure she keeps her word. William will be in the New York office for the next several months. I’ll ring him up and ask him to contact our corporate attorney to file whatever paperwork is necessary to block Elizabeth from leaving should she change her mind.”

He cursed under his breath. “I didn’t even get a chance to properly meet my son and daughter. I was so upset by our confrontation that I left with nothing more than acknowledging their presence, though I did caress my daughter.” He smiled. “David, she grabbed my finger in a vice grip. She’s a Darcy—strong and confident.”

David grinned. “You don’t even know her name, do you? But she already has you wrapped around her little finger. Girls are like that. Cute and cuddly when they’re babies, and then…oh, never mind. Tell me, what did Elizabeth say?”

Fitzwilliam laughed. His brother’s reasoning on women was the only humor he could find in all that had happened. “No, I don’t know either of their names. As to Elizabeth, I’ll tell you everything tonight. Let’s just say she’s as angry with me as I am with her. She has a very negative view of me and the Darcy family.”

“Are you going to reconcile or make this separation permanent?”

“I don’t really know. I have a lot to think about before making any concrete decisions. Apparently, according to Elizabeth’s way of thinking, I’ve really botched things up. It’s up to her as to what we will do,” he said. “All I was trying to do was the right thing. I wanted to protect her—to shield her from the storm. Now, I’m not even sure what the right thing was.” He released an exasperated sigh and shook his head. “I thought from the beginning of our marriage that I had reassured her of my affections and intentions, but apparently I didn’t do it well enough. She needed more than my word. About the only thing I do know is that I don’t understand women at all.”

The two brothers glanced at each other and laughed. They found the little sidewalk café, but neither was in much of a mood for conversation or the scenery of the historical district. Seated in the glass sunroom, they ate in silence, contemplating the day’s events. The more Fitzwilliam thought about it, the more it ate away at him. Something wasn’t right. Tonight, when he was alone with David, they would explore this, but for now, he had more pressing matters to consider. He picked up his sandwich and took a bite. When they had finished eating, Fitzwilliam called his cousin.

 

~*~

 

Before heading up to their rooms for the evening, David ordered a bottle of wine from the hotel bar. Settling in the sitting room, he poured two glasses while he and Fitzwilliam talked, discussing the events of the day.

“Fitzwilliam, are you telling me that she honestly believes you had abandoned her? That’s ludicrous.”

“That’s what she thinks. She doesn’t believe me.” He shook his head.

David released a sigh as his voice and expression darkened. “Then she’s a fool! There is no better man than you. You always tell the absolute truth, even if it’s to your own detriment.”

“Don’t say that, David. I have faults enough. I was so focused on what we were going through that I took her for granted. I had put too much faith into a relationship that was still new and budding. I should have taken the time and called her regularly to reassure her, but instead, I let her watch the whole thing unfold in front of her on television—including that terrible attempt at an interview by that poor excuse of a reporter from CNN. I even accused her of nagging me when all she wanted was my reassurance. I can hardly think of it without remorse. I was doing the best I could at the time, but it never occurred to me that she was so insecure about us.”

He lifted his glass and took a slow sip of wine. “Had I known she was pregnant, I would have taken the extra time and put forth the effort, regardless of how tired I was. I would have also been more determined than ever to keep her here in America for her own good and protection, but I would have been on the phone with Robert and Tana, making sure she was cared for. But that’s just it. I didn’t know.”

“Fitzwilliam, I agree, you should have called her, but what of her? Why did she write that letter and sign those papers? Unless…?”

Nursing his wine, Fitzwilliam cut his eyes across at his brother. “Yes, I see you’re catching on. What did Hilda say to her, and what was the real reason she had a divorce contract drawn up unless she intended to see to it that Elizabeth and I separated for good? I wonder why? I’ll try and get to the bottom of this tomorrow.”

“Well, we both know how Hilda feels about distinction in rank, and Elizabeth would not be someone she would consider her equal—let alone ours.”

“I’m well aware of what Hilda thinks; she drove poor Lewis mad. That’s probably why he shot himself.”

“Yes, poor Uncle Lewis.” David sighed. “I always liked him, but between his daughter and his wife, I can understand why he did it.” David wrinkled his brow. “But what about you? Should Elizabeth decide she doesn’t want to reconcile, are you going to be upset like before? I hope there won’t be a repeat of last year.”

Fitzwilliam shook his head. “No. I’ve thought about that, too. If she does wish to make our separation permanent, I’ll have to accept it, but I will have joint custody. I won’t give on that. I’ve always wanted children, and I want them to know that.”

“Are you going to take her to court then?”

“Only if she forces me to. I won’t hurt her any more than she has already been hurt, if I can at all help it.”

“So you think she won’t reconcile?”

“I don’t know what to think. Whatever she decides, I’ll have to live with it. But for right now, I’m at peace, whatever the outcome. If I can’t convince her of the truth, then I’m determined to not give a damn. I’ve had enough sorrow over that woman. I cannot go on living like I have.”

He sighed heavily, rubbing his brow. “Enough talk of me and my problems. What happened with Cecilia?”

“What is there to tell? We broke up.”

“Well, I was afraid of that. Why don’t you tell me the entire story from the beginning?”

David told him everything, leaving out nothing, including their passionate nights and the week they spent in November.

“I see now, but David, if I may offer some advice, for what it’s worth, coming from a man who’s botched his own love life so badly—don’t judge her too harshly. Give it time. We still don’t know all the extenuating circumstances.”

“No, Fitzwilliam, she used me for her own purposes. I don’t forgive that easily. I doubt she does either.” He sighed and looked away. “Trust is a difficult thing, and it’s something I rarely confer. I did it once. I won’t again.”

“David, don’t say that—not yet.”

“Brother, you better than anyone should know that when you let someone into the inner chambers of your soul, you give them the power to inflict a death blow. I learnt that from you and Father, and now I’ve experienced it for myself. She drove a stake through the heart of me. I’m done with her.”

“But David, you don’t know all of the facts, and neither do I. Don’t be hasty. Now, let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a very busy day.”

 

~*~

 

Although exhausted from the events of the day, Fitzwilliam was unable to sleep. All he could think about was a little boy with a mop of dark hair and a little girl who held his heart as strongly as she’d held his finger. He also thought of his wife. That he still loved her, he couldn’t deny, but if she proved to be difficult, he’d meet her stubbornness with a strong resolve of his own.