You are always boy and never Cahan. Sometimes, you do not think that anyone in the monastery actually knows your name. Once, you had thought that Saradis, high priest of Zorir in her finery, cared for you. Had you taken a moment, back on that day at the farm, maybe you would have realised that she never asked your name. Realised that, to her, you were simply a tool.
Of course you do not understand, because you are a child and you think as a child.
Like any tool, you will be useful until you are broken. And then you will be cast away in favour of something stronger.