Chapter Nine

The snow overnight chilled the haus. Heat from the coal-oil stove warmed the kitchen as the Millers prepared the noon meal. Mamm’s cast iron pot boiled, steaming hot, ready to firm the dough into noodles. Emma kneaded the flour into the mixture to make the egg noodles. Mamm was cutting up bits of chicken while Maria peeled potatoes. They worked together harmoniously, one of them passing along whatever was needed even before another had to ask for it.

Emma divided the dough into two portions and rolled each into thin strips, and then she covered it with a cloth. She’d begun to clean up her work area when the faint sound of bells drew her away. “Do you hear that?”

Mamm tilted her head to the side to listen. Her brows went up, and she wiped her hands on her apron. “What is it?”

Maria flew to the front window and pulled back the curtain. “Emma, come look!”

Emma walked over while wiping her hands with a towel. A Belgian horse pulled a red sleigh through what was left of the snow. “Who is it?” She whispered.

“I bet it’s Caleb.” Maria moved closer to the window.

“Nee, it’s Zeb.” Mamm corrected Maria, and then put her fists on her hips. She glanced over at Emma.

Emma felt a shot of guilt pass through her mind when she heard it wasn’t Caleb. It seemed like something he would do, not Zeb. Then she thought about all the time she and Caleb had spent together before he left. It added up to be quite a bit. Her family hadn’t always known, except Maria, but even she didn’t realize how often they’d been together.

Her parents were more lax with the rules when she was with Caleb, which didn’t really make sense to Emma. But maybe they thought differently about him—or about her spending time with him—because he was no longer considered Amish.

“It is Zeb.” Maria turned to Emma in surprise.

Mamm frowned. “Of course it’s Zeb.”

“Mamm, you know how close Emma is with Caleb. It could have been him.”

A small grunt came from Mamm and her frown grew.

“But he’ll be leaving soon enough, I’m sure,” Maria added.

They heard Zeb kick his boots to loosen the snow, and he was about to knock when Maria opened the door.

“Hallo, Maria. Is Emma around?”

“Jah, I am.” Emma peeked around the door. “What are you doing?” Emma’s gaze lifted to the apple-red sleigh.

“Taking you for a sleigh ride.”

“Where did you get that sleigh?” Maria, like the rest of the family, hadn’t seen many sleighs and hadn’t ever ridden in one. The new order groups used them to give tourists sleigh rides, but in their community it wasn’t so commonly done.

“I’ve been refurbishing it for a while now.” He turned around and admired his work. “Ready for a ride?” He smiled at Emma.

“Give me a minute. I need to find some warm clothes.” Emma took the stairs two at a time up to her room to put on some long johns and two pairs of socks. Then she went to the mud room, pulled on her warmest coat, and grabbed a scarf and mittens. Her work boots weren’t pretty, but would keep her toes from freezing. She may have overdressed with the weather letting up a bit, but she preferred to err on the side of being too warm.

Maria watched them go, and Mamm waved as Zeb led her through the winter wonderland. Her family’s fields were transformed into a sparkling white adventure. A frosting of the shimmering flakes cast over the tall trees, dusting the fence posts and equipment not used in the winter months. The snow kicked back under the horse’s hooves as they trotted along, and Emma swayed with the beat.

“This is wonderful gut, Zeb.” She sat in the cozy seat with both hands in her lap watching the beautiful winter scenery.

He smiled and turned to her. “I thought you’d enjoy this.”

“It’s beautiful out here.” She’d been avoiding the outdoors, tired of the frosty temperatures, but this was worth the tingling in her cheeks and nose.

“Want to go to the river?” His blue eyes sparkled in the sun that peeked from behind some clouds. The weather was brisk, but not nearly as cold as it had been.

“I’d love to.” She stared at him, squinting her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I could tell by your face that it was.” He clucked at the broad, bay horse and kept his smile. He turned around and glanced at the haus.

“What are you looking for?” Emma turned to see the view of her haus and the barn.

“I don’t want to get out of sight from your haus. I know how uncomfortable you were the other day. I don’t ever want to do anything that upsets you, Emma.”

Emma’s heart panged against her chest. The gesture was more than she could have imagined. Wanting to be close to her wasn’t as out of line as she made it out to be. Confusing thoughts flew through her mind. Emma had made it clear that she had chosen him, not so much with words, but with time spent together. It was an unspoken agreement between them, and spending time with him now reminded her of that.

“That’s gut of you, Zeb. I’m not that fragile, I promise you.” She smiled contentedly, and when he looked at her, she could see his worry disappearing. Their moment together seemed to have bothered him as much as it had her.

When they got to the old wooden bridge, he tapped the horse with the leather reins to encourage him to the middle, and then leaned back in the seat. “Are you cold?” He rubbed her hands with his.

This outing took her back to the first time he came to court her. Her daed had been concerned that he was older, and her mamm was thrilled because he could take care of her. She had become distracted since Caleb had returned, and now felt remorse for what she’d put Zeb through. She didn’t have a future with Caleb. She did with Zeb.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel badly, Zeb.”

He took a moment and then thoughtfully looked her way. “I know you still have feelings for Caleb.”

She let out a breath and waited. It was obvious. She knew that now. But she wouldn’t take it back and had to admit she didn’t want to. She would never be with Caleb. He wasn’t a threat to their relationship. “We’ve been close ever since I can remember.”

“And you had plans together at one time.” His tone was gentle, nonthreatening, but that made her feel more guilt than if he were chastising her. And his words brought back the hurt she’d felt when Caleb left.

“Jah, we did. But that was a long time ago.”

“A year isn’t that long, Emma.”

It seemed long to her, missing him and longing to see him. Realistically it was best that he was out of sight, gone from the community, easier to get over. She thought so, anyway. “Maybe it was longer.”

He kept his gaze forward, thinking. “Caleb’s name seems to come up a lot. I’m sure that will change once he leaves.”

“Of course.” She readily agreed. “Just as when anyone comes for a time and then goes back to where they came from.”

He stared at her now. “But Caleb is from here. Any chance he might stay?”

“Nee, he has found his niche in the city.” She paused and looked away from his sharp eyes. “I have to say I’m a bit jealous.”

He leaned closer. “About what?”

“Caleb, evangelizing in the city.” She met his eyes. He was trying to stay impartial, but she could see the jealousy in them. This conversation needed to end before she said something she shouldn’t.

“The city is no place for us, no matter what the cause.” He stood and clenched his hands. His firm, unwavering voice said it all.

“But it’s what I want to do, need to do, not just for me but also my brother.” He wouldn’t understand her calling. That was clear.

“You’re in a faraway place.” He gazed at her intently.

She took in a frosty breath. “I want us to always be honest with each other.”

“I agree.” When he smiled, his handsome face brightened. Her thought-out plans came to a halt. She was being dishonest already, having already made plans, and their relationship had barely had a chance to blossom.

He clucked at the horse and went down the rest of the way across the bridge. She glanced at him, glad he didn’t know her thoughts, but felt guilty at the same time. Gott surely didn’t want her to forge a path to His calling by being dishonest. She shut her eyes tight, and tried to find the words.

Thud!

Her eyes flashed open. “What was that?”

Zeb gave her a defeated look. “The sleigh is stuck.” He pointed to a layer of dirt. “Those warm days melted the snow. Now I’m stuck in the mud.” He shook his head slowly. “Didn’t think to bring a shovel.” He glanced around, climbed out, went over to a mound of snow, and packed it in front and behind the runners. “Emma, will you grab the reins and give Beulah a tap?”

Emma took the reins and slid over to Zeb’s side of the sleigh before touching the horse’s hide with leather. The sleigh jumped forward and onto a snowy field ahead of them. “Thank goodness. I didn’t feel like walking to the haus.”

“Good work.” He climbed into the right side of the sleigh, leaving Emma with the reins. He spread his arms out on either side of him and relaxed.

“Aren’t you going to drive?”

He shook his head and sank down farther in the seat. “Take us home or wherever you like.”

She couldn’t help but grin. She’d never ridden in a sleigh, let alone driven one. “This is a bit of an adventure.” The burly horse led them through the field, with Emma alert to any dry spots.

“Were you telling me something?” He looked over at her, but she couldn’t face him. She’d been hoping he’d forgotten she had something to say. Emma shook her head and shrugged, garnering her courage. They rode silently, listening to the runners cut through the crystallized snow.

“You drive this sleigh well.” He leaned back and grinned. “You have things under control.” As the sun hit his blue eyes, she studied his clean-shaven face and pleasant smile.

She had no control as long as he was involved. But she was determined she would find the courage in her own way in her own time.