Chapter Fifteen

Zeb paced through his barn. His boots hit the wood floor in repetition as he pivoted and then marched back to the other end. He didn’t know what was going through Emma’s mind, but with Caleb around some sort of problem was sure to arise. He had everything in place. Once the haus was built and courting started come spring, there would be nothing in his way. He was sure Emma had an idea he was making plans, but she never spoke of it. He shouldn’t have to go to her daed concerning these matters, but Emma kept it all at bay. He didn’t know whether she was just nervous or unsure he was the one for her.

He chalked it up to nerves. He would count on having her full attention once Caleb left, and Zeb wouldn’t have to see the look in her eyes when she saw Caleb. He wasn’t a rival, though—not with his life being in the city. Zeb wouldn’t make a fool of himself by showing his jealousy. Fortunately he was a patient man.

Once the dairy cows were cleaned up and unhitched from milking, he let them out one by one. They followed each other in a long line of forty or so, blindly following the one in front. That was pretty much how he felt about rumspringa. He spat and put the equipment away. As he went about separating the milk, he heard the creak of the barn door opening. He stood and went over to see Emma standing in the doorway.

She smiled timidly and looked around the barn. “Do you need some help in here?”

“Nee, I’m almost done separating.” He gestured to a milking stool. They were rarely used since the gas-run milking machines were approved by the bishop. He sat with her and waited to hear what was on her mind. Her downcast eyes were the first indication something was up. Her lack of conversation was an indicator, as well. “What is it, Emma?”

She picked up a yellow piece of hay, twirling it between two fingers. “I have something to tell you. I hope you understand and will support me in the decision I’ve made.”

The skin on the back of his neck crawled. There were two things he thought of that would make her this uncomfortable. She didn’t want to get married or she was going on rumspringa. He didn’t know which was worse at the moment, but he started calculating a rebuttal for both as he sat and waited. This wouldn’t be the first time she wanted to wait to marry. He was weary of waiting, but this time she might change her mind if a haus was waiting for her.

“Since Mark is going to leave, I’ve decided to go with him.” She kept her eyes on the single piece of hay but said no more.

He sat in silence, waiting for the stream of reasons why she had to leave. The more flustered she got, the easier it would be to trip her up into what was best for their relationship. The sound of the wind outside suddenly sounded fierce, and the room seemed to grow, but she didn’t speak. “Maybe you should give this more thought. I wouldn’t want you to go to all of the trouble and expense and have it go badly for you.”

She placed both hands in her lap. “It’s not about me, it’s about Mark.”

He had her puzzled, which was a good start.

“Funny, how everything in your household revolves around Mark. The honoring your parents doesn’t seem to apply to him.” He watched her face twist. He was saying everything she was thinking but didn’t dare to say. But it was working. He could see her mind churning. “He’s no different than any other rebellious adolescent in the community, is he?”

Emma’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. She pointed the tips of her boots together and stared down at them. “Maybe so, maybe not, but my parents are older than most.”

“Another excuse.” He moved in close, inches away from her. “If you want to go to rumspringa on your own accord, that’s okay, Emma. Just be honest about it.”

Emma dropped the yellow strand of hay and put both palms on her knees. “That’s not fair, Zeb. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

He’d gone too far, panicked a little. He had to back step now. He dropped his head. “You’re right. I can’t stand the thought of you going to that city full of violence and debauchery.” He took her by the arms. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

He thought he had her, just for a moment. Then the strong side of her came forth. She stood and looked down at him. “That’s why I can’t let Mark go alone.”

He kicked himself mentally and shook his head. “I can’t apologize for wanting to protect you.”

She let out a breath and crossed her arms over her chest. Her defenses lowered. “I know. I’m sorry. I know how hard this is for you. But I’d be worthless if I stayed.”

Maybe this could still work to his advantage. Let her go and be miserable and come back. He reworked his plans and stood up to put his arms around her. “You do what you think is best. And I’ll be here waiting when you return.”

“Danke, Zeb. I didn’t want us to leave one another upset.”

He smiled. “That’s why I gave in to your decision.”

She tilted her head in thought, and he quickly changed the subject. “Would you like me to take you to church?” He hoped she would say yes for many reasons. The most important was to keep her away from Caleb. He’d been looking forward to the day, but now he dreaded it. For the moment it appeared she’d won the battle, but he hadn’t given up yet. There might be a way to change her mind.

“It depends on when we leave.” Her shoulders lowered, and she looked into his eyes. “You do understand, don’t you?”

He didn’t but would put up with this nonsense for the moment. He’d just have to think of another way to get her to stay. “Do you want to talk about this again?”

“Nee, I just want to be fair to you, without being unfair to Mark.”

“I think Caleb is perfectly capable of watching over Mark. I’m sure he’s dealt with worse.” Her forehead wrinkled, and he knew he’d gone too far again. “But it’s up to you and your family to decide.”

She stopped. Her cheeks turned pink with frustration. “I’m tired of everyone’s opinion. I’ll do what I think is best.” Her head lifted and she started for the door. “I’ll see you later then.”

He reached out to stop her but then thought better of it. He couldn’t convince her of anything right now. He’d wait until after church, when she’d calmed down. She was becoming too stubborn. That was not something he was used to. But she was so emotionally attached to this situation, it was bringing out a new side in her.

He cleaned up for church and decided to drive his own buggy, hoping she would allow him to take her home. He didn’t know what to expect, so he planned to wait for her to take the first step. Deep in thought, when he turned the corner to the kitchen, he bumped into his brother, Merv.

“Nee, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Merv looked Zeb up and down. “You’re ready for church early.”

“Jah, well I’d like to say good-bye to those who are leaving.”

“Including Emma?” He stared up at Zeb, hesitantly waiting for an answer.

Zeb pursed his lips. “At this point, she is leaning toward going. But we’ll see how things end up.”

“I’m sorry, brother. Maybe you can talk to her again after church, over a good meal.” He scratched his tousled, brown hair.

“Jah, I’ll see you at church.” He went through the kitchen with agitation running through his veins.

He went to church alone. The men usually stood together in the back or outside to talk. The conversation went from crops and the weather to the latest activities in the community—a barn-raising or quilting bee they’d help the women organize, and the frolics teenagers took part in. Those who didn’t leave on rumspringa hung out in groups, socialized, and the boys dared to turn the brims of their hats down. The girls would go riding with a boy in his buggy and stand next to him at a singing, showing others they were a couple.

“Spring fever.” Zeb shook his head as he walked outside. He didn’t miss that time of “running around,” and was always glad when it was over. Emma told him she felt the same, even though he had gone through the experience years before she did. It seemed to become more of an ordeal as time went on.

“So, I hear a group is heading to the city today,” one of the men informed them while hitching his horse. As he walked over, Zeb couldn’t help but want to find out more information.

“You sure about that?” Zeb looked at Melvin intently. He was one of many who didn’t belong with either the older men or the younger.

Melvin squinted one eye to block out the sun rising behind Zeb’s back. He could feel the heat as he stood waiting for an answer. “Timothy.” He called over to a wide-eyed youngster. “Those young’uns leaving for the city ’bout now?”

“Jah, my bruder’s one of them.”

If Emma was going to go through with this, Zeb had to talk to her before she left, and he wouldn’t see her at church. He became anxious and excused himself, not able to get to his buggy fast enough. He didn’t want to stop for anything, and the horse could make double time without his buggy. So he forced himself off, unhitched his buggy, and left it in the back forty of Emma’s corn field.

When he got to her haus he knew Caleb was there. There was no sign of him, but he just knew the intruder was nearby. Zeb jumped off his horse and tethered the makeshift reins around the nearest tree. He slowed his breathing as he neared the haus, not wanting to appear as frantic as he felt. This was unlike him. Nothing had happened yet. There wasn’t any need to panic. No one came to the door when he knocked, so he walked in the front door. Then he heard Caleb’s voice.

He stopped and listened but heard only faint murmurs. He took a deep breath and went up the stairs. When he got to the second floor, he saw Caleb standing at the landing. “Morning, Caleb.” He enjoyed the look on Caleb’s face. Zeb turned and took the last stair and then went into Emma’s room. Her eyes were wide, and she stood frozen with clothes in her hand, ready to put in the duffel bag lying on her bed. The sun shone through her window. When he lifted a hand to block the sun rays from his eyes, she jolted.

“Emma, are you okay?” Zeb frowned, concerned at her response.

“Jah, I wasn’t expecting you.” She dropped the dress into the bag and pulled the drawstring tight.

“Were you going to say good-bye?” He wanted to hear her excuse.

Her eyes shifted her eyes downward. “I hadn’t decided. You were awful upset when we talked.”

He searched for a way to keep her here because he obviously wasn’t enough of a reason. “Do you remember what I warned you about with your coughing spells? You wouldn’t want your mamm and daed to worry.”

Emma frowned in thought, as if she was taking in what he’d said. For a short second he thought he might have her attention.

Caleb stepped between them, took her bag, and went downstairs. She watched him go.

“I’ll write to you,” Emma said to Zeb.

He nodded and tried his best to keep the steam from rising in his head. It was bad enough she was leaving, but finding Caleb here alone with her was too much. “I was planning to take you to the bus in town. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving so soon?”

She ran a finger over the quilt covering her bed. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

“Well, you have.” He spit out the words before he could catch himself. Her eyes widened, and she looked away. He rubbed his temples with his thumb and one finger, trying to find an ounce of patience. “How will I be able to contact you to know you’re safe?”

Her eyes watered as she began to speak. “I’ll find a way as soon as I get there. I promise I will.” Her promise sounded unsure. He went to her and wrapped his arms around her. Her body was stiff, and he barely felt her arms around him.

“Be careful.” He withdrew and walked out of the room. He needed to leave before he said something he’d regret. He didn’t look at Caleb as he passed him, just simply said, “If anything happens to her—”

“Zeb.” Caleb stayed put until Zeb looked over at him. “I’ll die keeping her safe.”