Chapter Twenty-Nine

The bus turned off the highway, and Zeb paid his share of the toll. He was low on money, unprepared for the trip, but nothing could have kept him home even one more minute.

I knew something like this would happen. This is Caleb’s fault. I should have never let Emma go, and neither should Caleb.

All he had to say was no, but Caleb’s intentions weren’t pure. His feelings for her were beyond good reasoning, and now she was in some sort of trouble.

Zeb snapped out of it and tried to pay attention to the surroundings. He didn’t have much interest in the city life, but as they started over the Benjamin Franklin Bridge, he had to admit that he was impressed.

He’d never seen so many vehicles. He looked out the window at the Delaware River that was almost as wide as the nine-thousand-foot bridge. He’d picked up a couple brochures and a map at the bus station so he would know how to get to the church where Emma had sent him letters. Having nothing better to do, he read them on the drive.

Once off the bus he found a taxi. He had no bag, no change of clothes, and hadn’t eaten since breakfast. All of that just added to his frustration. As soon as he got a hold of Emma, he was turning right back around and going home. He watched people rush down the streets and cars speed past them, everyone in a hurry. He’d expected as much after hearing from others what it was like here.

When they got close to the church, Zeb recognized the building by Emma’s drawing she sent in her letter. Actually, the picture looked better. Zeb winced as he glanced over the rundown building. Cracks showed foundation issues, and age had worn down the wide steps. The bushes and flowers around the front helped redirect a person’s attention, and he was sure Emma had a hand in planting them.

Zeb paid the driver and took a deep breath then prayed for a peaceful departure from this place. He didn’t feel anything was safe here, even the church he was about to enter. He walked in and held up a hand to his brow, adjusting to the low lighting.

The sun shone outside, but it felt like sunset in the building. He should call it a church, he supposed, but it didn’t look or feel like one. But then he’d only visited a couple because Amish services were held in people’s homes. He understood it was a nonprofit, struggling to make ends meet, but it didn’t seem safe or clean, even for the downtrodden who lived on the streets. He knew his feelings all came from wanting Emma to be back home with him and tried to stop himself.

“You here to see Caleb?” A tall, mulatto-skinned man came up beside Zeb. He seemed confident, with his hands on his hips and staring him in the eyes.

“Actually, I’m looking for Emma.” He’d deal with Caleb later. Right now he needed to see Emma’s face, to touch her, hold her, and make sure she was safe. “I’m Zeb, and you are?” Zeb offered his hand.

“Alex. Caleb told me about you.”

Zeb frowned. “Ach, what did he say?” He wasn’t certain if he really wanted to know, but he wanted all of this behind him.

“He said to come get him as soon as you got here. He’s been waiting. Take you awhile to get here?” He widened his stance, relaxing a little, but Zeb couldn’t—not until he had Emma by his side.

“Jah, by bus. I left as soon as I got Caleb’s letter.”

“Yeah, there’s been a lot happening.” Alex tilted his head as if thinking. “But there’s been a lot of good things too. It’s not all bad here like you Amish think.” He grinned pleasantly.

“We just do better in a different lifestyle. I don’t mean to be rude, but I am anxious to see Emma.”

“Oh yeah, sure.” He snapped to it and took long strides like Zeb did. They stayed in sync until they got to the top of the stairs. “You can keep up.” His smile relaxed Zeb a little. He seemed to be the man in charge, and Zeb could appreciate that, being in somewhat the same role.

A door opened, and Emma walked toward him. Her eyes widened, and a small sound came from her throat. She wrapped her arms around him and wouldn’t let go. When her soft cries began, Alex slapped his shoulder and went back downstairs. Emma didn’t move or stop the tears until Zeb tried to pull her away, but she held on ever tighter. She’d never shown this kind of affection toward anyone. Not that he could remember. He hoped it wasn’t this one time, when she was desperate, needing someone stable, but for the moment, he’d take what he could and hold on tight.

“I guess you didn’t know I was coming,” he whispered in her ear.

She slowly pulled away, wiping her nose. He handed her his handkerchief and waited patiently until her shoulders stopped shaking and her hiccups ceased. It was probably a long while, but he didn’t notice. It gave him time to look at her without her seeing him staring. Her cheeks were sallow; the color of her skin wasn’t sun-touched as it usually was. The more he looked at her, the more he noticed nothing seemed usual. She was wearing English clothes, and her hair was in a strange twist under her kapp.

“I’m sorry.” She let out a long, harsh breath.

“Don’t be. You’re upset about something, and I’d like to help any way I can.”

“Nee, I’m sorry for leaving, for thinking I could take care of everyone. Being gone so long, not telling you more—”

He held up a hand. “That’s not why I came.”

She looked up at him with bloodshot eyes underscored by dark bags. “Then why did you?”

“Caleb sent for me.” He waited to see her response. He didn’t know whether Caleb had told her, but this would show Zeb how she felt about him…about both of them. He couldn’t compete in this contest over Emma. That was why he let her leave. He wanted her, but if she didn’t feel the same, he would be done.

“I’m glad.” Her sad smile gave him permission to take care of her, in his mind, anyway. She didn’t always accept help, but this time there was no doubt. Whatever had happened here had left her distraught.

Going on rumspringa was one thing, but going into a city like Philadelphia was asking for trouble for a group of Amish. He was sure she was feeling that way right now, frustrated and regretful she’d come. But now choices would have to be made. He felt more confident than he ever had about their relationship.

Caleb stopped cold. Seeing Zeb holding Emma burned a fire in his gut. He turned away, dragging his hand over his face. When he turned and looked up to see Emma go limp against Zeb’s chest, it was all Caleb could take. He walked away, but the image was ingrained in his mind. She’d never touched him or looked at him the way she just had with Zeb. Had the relationship they had all been in his mind? He felt like a failure. But not just with Emma, it was Adrian too, and Mark, for that matter. There had been too many close calls, unlike any rumspringa trips before. He had to take responsibility for it. He wished he had insisted that Emma not come. He’d known there would be more danger if she was here, but he let her come anyway, putting others at risk.

How could I be so selfish?

“Stop it.” Alex’s voice was right behind him. Caleb went to the kitchen in a daze.

He didn’t even try to pretend nothing was wrong, but he didn’t want to talk about it, either. He just shook his head and started checking inventory.

“Don’t you want a pencil and paper?” Alex handed both to him and crossed his arms over his chest. “You did the right thing, ya know.”

“Hope so.” Caleb stopped to write down the needed items, hoping it was accurate.

“It’s gotten out of hand, never been like this before.” Alex didn’t move, or stop talking, which is what Caleb wanted, to shut this all out so he could think.

“Yeah, I know. I take full responsibility.” Caleb felt sick to his stomach. Seeing Zeb had awakened something down inside—denial that was sitting in the bottom of his belly beginning to churn.

“That’s not enough. This thing with Abe ain’t going away.”

Caleb rubbed the stubble on his chin, ready to explode. “I’m aware of that. She’s going home with Zeb.”

Alex whistled. “She know that?”

“No, she doesn’t.” He took three long steps and stood nose to nose with Alex, fuming that everything Alex was saying was another example of what he’d done wrong. “Any more questions?”

Alex looked down at Caleb, who had been standing on his tiptoes. “Don’t ya think you should tell her?”

Caleb threw the pencil and paper onto the counter. “I’m going for a walk.” He stormed past Alex and headed for the door.

The picture in his mind of Emma’s face when Zeb had held her flashed through his mind. Emma looked like she did when she was on the farm and there was no threat to worry her night and day, no friend at risk of a stalker.

She’s at peace in his arms.

Caleb went past the park and the river where they’d watched the boats when she first came. It seemed like such a long time ago. Maybe it was. He was so enamored with her, he couldn’t think straight. She had fit into his life too easily. He’d lost sight of the fact that this life didn’t fit her at all. She’d made an effort to stay and do what was needed, but she’d done more than she should, and if he had been in the right frame of mind, he would have taken action earlier.

He’d gotten on the subway, and listening to the whir of the train, drained his mind of thoughts. Now aware of his surroundings, he watched an elderly gray-haired lady bounce with the motion of the train, her eyes shut, oblivious of a hungry-looking young man watching her. Caleb wasn’t sure why. One thing he did know: you had to watch your back or you come up short of your wallet, purse, or the purchase in your hand. He questioned more than ever why he was there. He’d had doubts from time to time, but they’d quickly passed. Having Emma here and seeing the city through her eyes made him think long and hard about his purpose.

As the train stopped, he glanced at the street sign. He was almost there. It was no coincidence. He was being tested by God or the devil. He’d find out which soon enough. He lived amongst the worst of it, but his faith held strong. He honestly felt that the more evil crossed his path, the firmer he became in the Lord. It was as Emma had said—it’s more difficult to share your belief and grow a personal faith when the obstacles are few and far between and when the Bible is studied by the bishop and shared with others, instead of the people studying it themselves.

Caleb got off at the next stop. The unsettling neighborhood shot adrenaline into his veins. This was part of him, to go to these places, talk to these people, and try to make sense of their world. It was hard—more so than he’d ever anticipated. But helping the downtrodden was coursing through Caleb, as much as the blood that pumped through his body.

The clink of an empty can startled him. He looked down at the end of the street. A bonfire glowed as the last specks of the sun hid behind the housing projects.

He wasn’t ready for this. It wasn’t planned, yet here he was, alone in the slum.

As if he was thinking aloud, the appearance of three dark, alkaline souls slunk in front of him. He couldn’t make out their clothes or faces, and they all seemed similar in height and build, as if the three were all the same person.

“You’re either brave or stupid to come here.” Abe’s gravelly voice sounded deeper, slower, and more powerful.

“Probably both.” Caleb didn’t know for sure why he’d come. There were too many reasons to pick from. Maybe it was to finally take a stand or to do what he should have done a long time ago—have the guts to keep Abe away from Monique. The cruelty she’d suffered plagued Caleb, and Abe terrorizing the streets had to stop as well.

And then there was Adrian. Caleb wanted vengeance in a bad way, but if he was going to be honest, he was there to cleanse himself from guilt.

The men’s shadows didn’t become any clearer, as if there was a sheer separating them from him, but Abe’s voice was distinguishable. The sound of Abe’s tone had kept Caleb up at night when Monique was with him, helpless until they’d found her. “Stop hurting my people, Abe.”

Abe chuckled, a crackly, dry laugh that made Caleb’s skin crawl. “You sound like Moses. Trying and failing.”

Caleb could feel Abe smirk. “Ahh, you do remember your Bible. Moses succeeded in the end.”

Another rumbling noise made its way up Abe’s throat. “But not you—not tonight.”

Caleb’s heartbeat pounded double-time as they moved toward him. As they did, courage born of peace came over him, and he bowed his head to pray.