THIRTY-FIVE

My arms trembled from bracing the lid. Finally, all sounds of voices and footsteps disappeared. For an added safety margin I counted to one hundred, then pushed the lid open and off to the side. I’d been inside the coffin maybe five minutes; it felt like five years.

I scrambled out and hustled across the room to extract Mollye. When I heaved the lid open, I panicked. She looked waxen, a sheen of sweat on her face. Her eyes were closed. Then she stuck her arms out straight and rose like a zombie coming awake. I swallowed my laugh.

“Cut the comedy act. We need to scram.”

I helped Moll wriggle out of the casket. Not a smooth exit.

“They’re not as comfy as they look,” she quipped. “Hope I’m not fitted for one for a long time. Why did I listen to your nonsense about calling Fara on my cell phone? I was still trying to get the danged thing out of my pocket when you opened the lid. Not a lot of room for my hips in that sardine can.”

I checked my watch. Five thirty. Only thirty minutes had elapsed since we’d made our first attempt at a funeral home escape. I phoned Fara. She assured me all mourners, including Mrs. Quinn, were present and accounted for in the Gold Room.

“Go ahead, leave through the back door. No ambulances and no more bodies scheduled for delivery.”

I dropped Moll at her van and headed to Udderly. At the gate, I was pleased to see nary a picketer in sight. The wide open gate suggested a peaceful day at the dairy.

“Any excitement since I left?” I asked Eva.

“Yep, I delivered two more sets of twins.” My aunt grinned. “But if you’re talking protestors, didn’t see a one. Don’t worry about these newborns. Already have human moms lined up for these babes. But your time is coming. Imagine you’ll be busy very soon, which may prompt Andy to protest. Today starts a new Animal Passion week, right?”

“Correct, but I’m sure Andy will be more than happy to help with the kids. He seemed pleased I’d committed to surrogate nanny duty. Andy has a late appointment in Greenville. We’re meeting at that Indian restaurant he took me to on our first date. Since his sister Julie has decided she wants to be a stay-at-home mom for a few years, Andy’s interviewing vet techs to take her place.”

“Have you seen Julie’s baby yet?” Eva asked.

“Sure have. A darling little boy, Jacob. Andy’s thrilled. Growing up as the lone male with five sisters he’s hoping for more gender equality with this generation.”

“And is Andy hoping you’ll marry him and provide a baby boy?”

I looked heavenward. “Marriage seems to be on everybody’s mind since Mollye announced her engagement. I’m just dating. We definitely don’t need to jump ahead to babies. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to the showers. I’m sticky with sweat.”

Eva gave me an arched-eyebrow look. “Yeah, actually you stink. What have you been up to? Hard to work up that much of a sweat cooking, and it’s dang nippy outside.”

I smiled. “Just running around.” No mention of trying on a coffin.

“Well, you just missed your dad,” she said. “Howard dropped by to make sure we weren’t under siege by the True Believers. Asked you to call him when you got a chance.”

I was in and out of the shower lickity split. That gave me enough time to detour past the entrance to Jamieson Gorge on my way to meet Andy. I had a vague notion of the park’s location but wanted to make sure I didn’t get lost tomorrow. This was the first time Eva was sending me solo to meet with a prospective customer. Didn’t want to screw it up. While the wilderness sanctuary wasn’t far off the beaten track, Jamieson Gorge truly did look like a wild, lonely place. I’d try to come early for a short hike.

I reached Swad a few minutes ahead of the time Andy’d suggested we rendezvous. He beat me anyway. His vet truck was easy to spot. Andy stood and waved as I entered the hole-in-the-wall restaurant. He’d picked a booth facing the front.

Andy hugged me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before motioning me to slide into his side of the booth. My thigh grazed his. The instant bloom of warmth helped banish the chill I’d felt ever since my brief stop at Jamieson Gorge.

But the welcome warmth wasn’t anything like the heat I felt when I came in contact with any part of Paint’s body. Geesh. Was I confusing lust with love?

Stop it. You’re with Andy tonight. It’s Animal Passion week. You shouldn’t be thinking about Paint.

But a snarky interior voice refused to shut up. Isn’t choosing between Paint and Andy the whole point of these boyfriend weeks?

I cleared my throat.

“Do you remember what you liked best the last time we visited Swad?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Andy answered. “We did a fair amount of kissing when we strolled around Falls Park after dinner. I don’t remember a thing about Swad’s menu.”

I chuckled. “I do. You turned beet red and needed several quarts of water to return to normal after sampling one of the spicier offerings.”

The chef’s wife and co-owner bustled over to our table. “So happy to see you again. Would you like us to prepare another sampling? We have a few new items on our menu.”

“No, thanks,” Andy quickly answered. “I’ll let Brie order for us. She knows my taste buds aren’t quite as developed or adventurous as hers.”

I ordered mild dishes for Andy and spicy ones for myself, accompanied by plenty of Jasmine tea.

As soon as our orders were in and the tea served, Andy launched into an excited rhapsody about his new vet tech.

“I hired Cindy on the spot. What a find. She graduated from the vet tech program at Tri-County, and she’s been working with Doc Burns for eight years. She even has large animal practice experience.”

Though the Jasmine tea probably hadn’t steeped long enough, I poured some into our cups. “Why is Cindy leaving Doc Burns?”

“He’s retiring. Sold his practice to a married couple. They’re both veterinarians so they don’t need a tech. Burns gave Cindy a sterling recommendation. And I loved her sense of humor. She’ll be fun to work with.”

“Is she cute, too?”

A blush climbed Andy’s neck and painted his cheeks a bright red. The blush made his eyes look all the greener. “Some people might say so.” Then he hurriedly added. “But she’s not as pretty as you.”

“Nice recovery.” I grinned. “Just messing with you. Sounds like Cindy is a catch. How long before she starts?”

“She’s coming to Ardon tomorrow to complete the paperwork and look for a house to rent in town. Told her we had a pretty decent school system. Her little boy is seven.”

“Is there a husband?”

“No, they divorced four years ago, and he moved to California. Said she’d been thinking about moving for a while. Thought a new setting might be good for her boy. ”

Hmm. Could it be that handsome, eligible Andy was the main reason Cindy snapped up the job offer? Interesting. Months back when I saw Andy and Paint on a double-date with two knockouts, jealousy made me plum crazy. But the thought of Andy and a cute new tech wasn’t making me nutso.

What if it had been Paint hiring a new assistant? There I went. Back to thinking about Paint. His off-the-cuff, quasi-marriage proposal had done a real number on my head.

Our entrées came and I took the opportunity to change the subject. “I did a little detour on the way to drive past Jamieson Gorge. Ever been there? The park might rent Udderly goats to munch their way through some poison ivy and kudzu they’re not keen to tackle with machines.”

He nodded. “I’ve visited in the spring. Really pretty when the mountain laurel is blooming. Too bad you can’t train the goats to eat only noxious weeds.”

“Not possible,” I said. “They’re omnivores. Didn’t actually get out of the car at Jamieson Gorge. Tomorrow I’ll scout the site. Maybe there’s a way to corral them in kudzu land. Say, what happens when goats eat poison ivy? I assume it doesn’t bother them or Aunt Eva wouldn’t consider the job.”

“No, they’re immune. Wish I could say the same.”

Our dinner conversation relaxed me. Andy was good company. Entertaining and caring. I was looking forward to spending time with him this week. He’d become family.

Family, yes. But more like a brother than a lover?

Suddenly, he grinned. “Hey, Mollye says your friends have assigned names to the weeks when Paint or I get you all to ourselves. I understand mine is called Animal Passion. Much cooler than Brewing Trouble.”

He laughed. “See I tried to warn you that Paint’s trouble.”

“So glad neither you nor Paint are proctologists. My friends had enough fun playing word games with your professions. I can hear them now. We’d have End Dive and Bottoms Up weeks.”

After dinner, we returned to Falls Park where we’d first kissed. But the wind was brisk and the night far too chilly for a reenactment.

“How about a nightcap at Summer Place?” I suggested. “Follow me there. I stopped at the ABC store and bought some Kahlua. Eva and Billy won’t be around to interrupt us.”