It’s amazing how the things you fear the most can become the things you want the most. I was terrified that it would happen again: that we’d be on our own, unable to escape each other. But I also desperately needed it to happen; I needed to see him, to feel him, to tell him once again that I’m sorry.
“Hey,” I say awkwardly, my arms hugging the bread basket.
“Come in.” He opens the door and I take a few steps into the deserted kitchen, placing the basket on the counter and taking a deep breath before turning to face him.
His face is tired, with two dark circles around his eyes. It seems as if he hasn’t slept at all.
“You look exhausted.”
He rubs his face with his hand. “I am. And I’ve got a terrible migraine…” He massages his temples.
“Did you not have a great night?”
“My sisters. They thought they’d organise an evening together at mine. I definitely drank too much, and I think I ate something that’s currently trying to crawl back out of my stomach.”
I smile instinctively. In spite of the other night, the way he left, he still wants to talk to me.
“Maybe you should’ve stayed in bed.”
“I was so drunk I agreed to do the morning shift.”
I laugh with him.
“God, they know how to twist my arm.”
We stand there, studying each other for a moment. It’s weird that we’re so calm, after everything that’s happened lately. I like it, and I don’t want to give it up now – but I have to finish all the deliveries before ten o’clock.
“I’ve got deliveries waiting for me.” I head back over to the door and walk past him, before stopping just long enough to feel his anxiety seep into my body. I turn towards him and speak again.
“I thought you’d never do it again.”
“What?”
“Talk to me as if I never hurt you.”
“I never thought so, either.”
“What changed, then?”
“I’ve grown up – maybe I’m wiser now?”
He smiles, and it’s as if a fissure has just cracked apart in my chest. I can’t let him crack another one or I’ll never be able to handle my emotions when I’m with him, the way I feel when we’re apart.
“I really should…”
“I know.” His smile loses its sparkle, but doesn’t completely vanish.
“I wish I had more time.”
“Time? For what?”
For anything, Silas.
For anything you’d be willing to give me.
I get to Veldons late, as usual.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” I say to Andy as I hurry over to the bar, where a couple of customers are already waiting.
“I’ve got it, don’t worry. You head into the dining room – there’s a table of six. I think they’re tourists, or something.”
“On it.” I grab my notebook and pen and walk over to the customers, taking their orders and moving back to the bar at the exact moment the door opens and the usual gang make their unwelcome entrance.
“Hey,” I say to Alex and Shane, who are the first to sit down. “What can I get you?”
“What’s with the hurry?” Reid asks, sitting beside his brother. “Are you trying to get rid of us already?”
“Haven’t I taught him well?” Andy interjects, making Shane laugh.
“You’re learning quickly,” Reid says, his tone already argumentative. “Quicker than Brian, at least.”
A slap lands around the back of Reid’s head, before Brian himself takes a seat next to him.
“Now you’re slapping me, too?”
Brian shrugs. “His fault,” he says, nodding towards his brother. “He didn’t do a great job when it came to teaching me any manners.”
“That’s because there was nothing to base myself off. I had to start from scratch with you, with the little help I had at my disposal,” Andy retorts.
“Is this going to go on for much longer?” Sullivan’s voice floats over from the other end of the bar. “You do realise that some people in this town still have to work, right?”
“When did he get here?” Andy asks, turning to me.
I shrug. I have no idea. I was distracted by the usual senseless chitchat which I appear to now take part in every day.
“Can I get a lager while you kids continue bickering?” Sullivan asks, voice loud.
Andy heads off to pull his pint, as I stand there, attempting to take everyone’s orders before nightfall.
“So,” I say, lifting my voice above the noise. “Do you want to order something or are you only here for the company?”
“What company are you talking about, exactly? I hope you’re not talking about our rough local barman.”
His voice makes the pen fall from my hand – a movement which, unfortunately, escapes no one. I bend down to pick it up and straighten up again only to meet the gazes of everyone.
Silas sits at the bar right in front of me, next to Reid.
“Why are you always here? Don’t you have a hotel of your own?” Reid asks right away.
“Does my being here annoy you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like new additions. I don’t like change.”
“You married my sister.”
“So? You weren’t part of the package deal.”
“You and Shane weren’t part of my package deal, but I got you anyway!” Alex says.
“You’re the one who desperately wanted to be part of our family,” Reid snaps back at him.
The two start arguing loudly, bringing Shane and Andy into the mix, too. I wipe down the bar for no reason then clear my throat and turn to him; he’s already stopped listening to them.
“Are you sure you want to be here?”
He lifts his eyes to mine. He looks a little better than he did this morning, but the signs of tiredness are still evident.
“Are you going to ask me why I’m not at the hotel, too?”
I shake my head violently. “Because of your headache, I mean. Are you sure you want to sit here and listen to their bullshit?”
He smiles at me again, even more beautiful than this morning. If I can avoid falling into this fissure then maybe I can make it through the next one, too.
“Brian told me to come by.”
“Oh, right,” I say, disappointed. It’s only when I feel the sensation start to spread through my stomach that I realise I’d already assumed he was there for me.
“He said he had something he wanted to tell us all, so…”
I flash him a polite smile.
“If you’re done with your usual bullshit,” Brian says, his voice rising above the chaos. “There’s something I want to tell you.”
Everyone turns to him – even Silas’ attention moves onto his brother-in-law. I make the most of this moment to study him some more, now that they’re all distracted.
“We’ve made an offer.”
Everyone is finally quiet.
“And…?” Andy asks.
“And it seems to have gone well.”
“Does this mean the property is yours?” Silas asks, and Brian nods, a little awkwardly.
What happens then is madness, noisy and uncontrollable. Everyone launches themselves at Brian; Andy leaps over the bar to run to the other end and hug his brother; the other customers in the pub join in with the festivities, even though they don’t know what’s happening. It’s only after a few minutes that people start to peel away and take their seats again.
“We need to celebrate,” Andy says, coming back to join me behind the bar.
“It’s only half twelve,” Silas points out.
“You’re right, we should delay this until later. This lot are already bad enough when they’re sober,” he says, looking at Reid and Alex, who protest weakly. “Let’s do Friday night, after our set is over. We need to celebrate properly.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” Shane agrees.
“You’re coming, too,” Andy says, pointing at Silas, who gives in, lifting his hands in defeat. “I want to celebrate in style.”
“Are you coming?” His voice takes me by surprise.
“W-what?”
“Friday. You’ll be there, right?” Silas asks.
I don’t know why it makes me so happy and I don’t know why I’m smiling, but when I tell him that I’ll be there until close, I’m certain why he’s smiling at me, too.