Leo’s eyes fix onto mine in the darkness. Our breathing still hasn’t gone back to normal, yet, our fears not yet quieted.
“Never again, Silas.” He kisses me again. “I swear.” His hand is on the back of my neck – I can feel the pressure of his fingers. “I’m not going anywhere.” He presses his mouth against mine, his tongue sliding slowly into me, dancing with mine. It teases me, tantalising, claiming me as his own. Leo lifts himself up and pushes me back onto the bed; his body moves over mine, my erection pushed between us, against my stomach. One of his hands slides across my skin, grabbing at my thigh; I bend it and grab onto him as we roll onto our sides. I writhe against him, searching for contact, for skin, bones, desire. My dick throbs against him.
“I want to do something for you,” he says onto my mouth. His fingers tremble as they trace my lips, his chest heaving quickly; I can almost hear his heartbeat pulsing against my own.
“You don’t need to do anything.”
His eyes move from my mouth to meet my gaze, his fingers never distracted from tracing my lips.
“I want to. I want to do so many things.”
I laugh, releasing some of the tension.
“We have all the time in the world. You said you’re not going anywhere, remember?”
“I did. But I also said that I want you.” His mouth moves along my jawline, his tongue trailing down my neck and onto my collarbone. Leo kneels down, his hands splayed against my chest, his mouth leaving imprints on every inch of me. He lifts up and looks at me, before wrapping his hand around my erection, so confident, decisive. It’s not like when we were kids and he didn’t know what he was allowed to want; who he was allowed to love.
Things are different now. He’s different. It’s not fair to say that we’re the same people – we’re us, and our essence hasn’t changed, but the way we search for each other has.
Just like the way he wants me now.
His hand moves up and down me, his eyes following the movement; my own are fixed onto him, trying to gauge any flicker of regret I may find. But he bends down to me, and my breath disappears with everything else as Leo brushes my dick with his warm, welcoming lips.
“Leo, you don’t have to…”
His tongue circles the tip, and I gulp back as much air as I can, angsty, waiting for him to decide whether to finish me right here or to allow me a few more seconds of ecstasy before destroying me forever.
“I know I don’t have to,” he says, his breath tickling my erection. “But I want to – God, do I want to…” He takes me between his lips, his tongue continuing its caresses. “I’ve never… Never wanted to do something so much.” The tip of my penis is still in his hot mouth. “I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you.” My dick tenses in his hand at his words.
“Then take me. Take everything you want.”
His eyes are greedy, hooking onto mine for a moment before sliding my erection back into his mouth; my brain glitches at the pleasure.
“Fuck!” I sit up a little so that I can watch him, in all his beauty. “God, yes, just like that…” I say, his head moving up and down as I’m plunged into his mouth. I run my hands through his hair, tickling the hair at the nape of his neck. I’m so turned on by his mouth, the way he’s taking me; by the fact that I’ve dreamed of this moment for years, and could never have imagined it would be so incredible.
I thrust my hips towards him, my hand holding him hostage against me, shoving myself ceaselessly into the depths of his throat.
“God, I’m going to come.” I tighten my grip just as I feel myself finally lose control. “In your mouth, fuck… Yes…” The orgasm is so violent and so dazzling that for a few moments I’m afraid I’ve left this world for good, that I’ll be forced to live without him.
I let myself fall back onto the bed, exhausted and empty, with no thoughts in my mind and no breath in my lungs. Leo moves back up to me slowly, his hands still electric, running the length of my body. He takes my face between his hands and slides his tongue into my mouth, showing me what it means to have something that’s only ours to share. He presses his body against me, his chest hammering wildly with mine.
His mouth is searching, staining me. Not only do I know that he’ll never leave again, but I know that I’ll never be able to be without him, from now on.
His fingers stroke my lips as he’s lying beside me, in my bed.
“There’s nothing more perfect than your mouth.”
I smile and kiss his fingers. “You’re only saying that because you liked seeing it wrapped around your dick.”
He laughs. “That’s not the only reason.”
I lean into his mouth, his fingers sliding away, and I kiss him.
“And did you like my mouth on yours?” he asks me, embarrassed.
Now I’m the one to stroke his lips. “I really liked it. You have no idea how much I’d dreamed of that moment. I’d dreamed of coming in your mouth since the first time we spoke.”
He blushes but smiles.
“And that’s not all I dreamed of.”
Now his eyes are dark, intense.
“I’ve never been with a man.”
“I know.”
“And I’ve never done… That to anyone.”
His confession melts away all my embarrassment.
“I wanted to do it with you. Just you. Does that make sense?”
“What do you mean?”
“That fact that I don’t want to… That I’ve never wanted a man who isn’t you. Does it make sense?”
“Does it make sense to you?”
“I’ve never known how to define the way I feel about you.”
“Maybe you don’t need to.”
He takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I’m gay.”
“Okay.”
“And I don’t think I’m bisexual, either.”
I study him, confused.
“I’ve been studying myself, over the years.”
“Studying yourself?”
“I wanted to work out who I was.”
“And did you?”
“Not really,” he says, smiling nervously. “But I worked out that here is where I want to be.”
“In Letterfrack?”
He shakes his head and bites his lip.
“Oh… You mean in my bed?”
Another breath, another nervous hand in my hair.
“In your life, Silas. I worked out that I want to be in your life. If you want me to, if you think that…” I push my mouth against his to stop him from saying anything more. There’s no need.
“Maybe we should start by spending the night together.”
“You want me to stay here?”
“If you’d like to.”
“I’d like to, but tomorrow I have to do the deliveries, so I have to get up really early, and… Fuck, I don’t even have my car with me.”
“I don’t mind getting up early to drop you off.”
“You don’t mind getting up at dawn?”
“I could make a special effort for you.”
“I don’t want you to get up early just for me. It’s Saturday.”
“Then why don’t you stay and you can use my car tomorrow to get home? I can come and pick it up later from Veldons.”
Leo considers this for a moment; his eyes are dark and wide, again, fixed onto my own.
“Can we stay like this?”
“Like what?”
“Naked. Close.”
I pull him into me, my forehead resting against his and my eyes closed for fear of letting emotion flood out of me; it would be too much.
“We can do anything you want.”