I pull into the driveway of my dad’s house and turn off the engine, stepping out of the car and joining my father as he organises the patio furniture.
“I heard you only worked a half-day today.”
He forgets about the chairs, wiping his hands down on his trousers.
“And I heard that a certain someone is having dinner here tonight.”
“It’s weird, seeing you outside the hotel.”
“It’s weird for me having you home.”
I sit down on a sunbed and he takes the one beside me. It’s a beautiful day, warm and summery – my favourite kind of day – and perfect for a barbecue in the garden.
“I’m sorry.”
“Mmm?”
“That you’re alone in this huge house.”
“It’s not that big.”
“It’s not like we were in a rush to leave.”
“No?”
“We just grew up. We needed our independence – and, besides, you were never at home.”
“That’s true.” He relaxes, his back stretched against the chair and his closed eyes turned to the sun. “I was hoping Niamh would come home.”
“I know.”
“She’s an adult, and she needs her space.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have offered for her to stay with me.”
“She’s your sister. It was the right thing to do.”
I sigh sadly. I came here to talk to him, but I’m not so sure anymore that I want to have this conversation.
“I heard we have a guest tonight.”
I turn to face my father, and he opens his eyes, looking at me.
“Your sisters talk.”
“I didn’t want you to find out like that.”
“How did you want me to find out?”
“I wanted to sit down with you and have a conversation, you know…”
“We can still have that conversation.” He lifts himself up, sitting up straight. “I don’t really know anything – just that there’ll be an extra person at dinner. I have no idea who.”
“Dad…”
My father laughs.
“I knew he didn’t just come over because he was your teammate, Silas.”
I smile. I’d expected as much.
“What about him?”
“Mmm?”
“Is he your person?”
I nod, confident.
“And…” Dad clears his throat. “What about his wife?”
“They’re getting a divorce. She’s actually remarrying.”
“I’m happy for her.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“And what do I think?”
“He wasn’t sure back then. He wasn’t… Ready.”
“And he’s ready now?”
“We’re ready now.”
“Good. Good.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, watching the countryside around us. I loved this house as a kid, but after Ma died, I couldn’t bear it anymore. Maybe it was like that for all of us. Dad stayed, though. He always said that this was the place that he and Ma chose, and that he’d die here, with that memory in his heart.
“Was it difficult?”
“Mmm?”
“Being alone, when all we did was wreak havoc.”
“None of you were that bad, but yes, it was difficult. Things… Aren’t always easy in a family.”
“I can imagine.”
“It took sacrifice, dedication, compromise. And love. Lots of love – the kind of love which asks for nothing in return. I don’t know if that makes sense.”
“It does.”
“You can’t expect anything back. You just have to give, give, give, and hope that, one day, it might be reciprocated.”
“Do you feel like it was reciprocated?”
“Yes. I’ve been lucky.”
I smile at him. “I’d like that.”
“What?”
I take a deep breath and decide to tell him the truth.
“To have a family like ours. One that’s mine. My own family.”
I’ve never said anything like that out loud before, but now that I have Leo by my side, I feel like I’ve finally found the missing piece of the puzzle.
“If there’s anyone who’s able to give without expecting anything in return, Silas, it’s you.”
I join Leo in the driveway and open his car door. He steps out and looks around awkwardly. My family is all here, including my two brothers-in-law, despite my attempts not to invite Reid.
“Hey, the whole gang’s here,” he says nervously, his hands rubbing at his jeans.
“It’s just my family.” I take his hand, intertwining my fingers with his.
“Are you sure that this…? Are you sure you want me, Silas?”
I lean close to his face and brush my lips against his. He smiles and squeezes my hand.
“I’ve never been surer.”
“What about your dad?”
“My dad has made steak and pork chops.”
“Silas…”
“He’s always known.”
“Mmm?”
“He knew we weren’t just teammates.”
“Oh… Really?”
“Relax, Leo. You’re home.”
“I am?”
His eyes search for confirmation in mine.
You’re home, Leo.
You’ve finally found your place.
And I promise you there won’t be a single day when you feel wrong, or like you don’t belong.
“Hey.” Darcy’s voice arrives from behind me. “We were wondering… Well, if you want to start eating?”
“What do you reckon, Leo?”
He looks at me again; his face opens, his eyes growing wide and glimmering.
“Ready when you are.”
Sitting on the porch of my family home, everything feels more relaxed, in spite of Reid’s presence, who’s monopolising the entire conversation – as usual.
“Does he ever shut up?” Leo whispers to me, making me laugh.
“Now do you see why Brian’s my favourite?”
Leo laughs with me, attracting everyone’s gaze. I rest my hand on his tense thigh, showing him that it’s okay: that no one is judging him or his choices or his past. Here he can simply be what he is: my partner, sitting next to me at a family dinner.
“Oh, my God.” Sloan’s voice brings my attention back to the rest of the table.
“What is it? What’s…?” I shake my head, before turning towards the driveway, where a very welcome figure is standing awkwardly.
My father gets immediately to his feet, his eyes on Niamh, his breathing laboured, his hands rubbing together anxiously.
“Is there room for one more?” my sister asks, her voice scratchy with emotion.
My father holds out his hand and Niamh moves slowly towards the table, making her way over to him.
“Next to me, Niamh. There’s always a place for you next to me.”
While the others are busy concentrating on one of Reid’s bullshit stories, I ask Leo if he wants to go for a walk. We wander silently along, side by side, through the long grass that surrounds the house. I know that Leo is stressed, and not just because of this evening. Niamh’s presence is bothering him. He’s worried about his brother, his health, the effect my sister’s return could have on him, the damage she might inflict. I love Niamh and I’m happy she’s finally come home, but I also love this man, and I’m worried about him, about his family. I’m worried about everything he still has to face.
“You’re quiet.”
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About Noel?”
“Before I came out tonight, he told me it was time to start thinking about my own life.” We stop. Leo lets go of my hand and looks at me. “With the man…” He exhales nervously. “With the man I love.”
“He said that?”
“You do know, don’t you, that you’re the man I love?”
“I am?”
His hands are on my face. “God, of course you are.”
“Does this mean that you want to…? I mean, that you might consider…?”
“What? Waking up next to you every day? I think I’m ready for anything with you.”
“Really?”
His mouth presses softly against mine.
“My life is a mess right now, but the way I feel, what I want…”
“I know, Leo. I know. And I’m not asking you to do anything you’re not ready for. I’ve waited my whole life for you.”
“I don’t want to make you wait any longer.”
“But you’re here, now, we’re together. And I just want you to be happy – I want everyone to be happy. We’ll help your brother; we’ll be there for him for as long as he needs. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be by your side.”
His mouth pushes against mine again, his palms holding my face tight.
“God, I love you so much.”
“I’ve always wanted to hear you say that.”
“I hope you never get tired of hearing it, because I intend to keep saying it.”
“Do you think I might forget?”
“I don’t want to risk it.”
“Then you’d better start right away.”
His scalding lips tickle my ear. “I love you, Silas. I loved you yesterday, I love you now, and I’ll love you tomorrow, and the day after, and…”
“Forever?” I interrupt, looking at him.
Leo sighs, his forehead resting on mine. “It’s me, Silas. I’m not going anywhere.” I study him intently. “I’m the man who’ll stand by you forever.”
“Yes, you are, Leo. Of course you are.”