CHAPTER 3 Mysterious Mumtaz

“Peewee! Stop chewing on Theremin’s leg!” Shelly scolded. “Bad monster!”

A furry blue monster that was the size of a small cat froze mid-munch, and then scurried to hide behind the leaves of a potted plant. Newton, Shelly, Theremin, and Higgy were in Shelly’s mostly secret animal rescue lab in the school basement. Headmistress Mumtaz knew about it, and so did Professor Gertrude Leviathan, who taught monster-making. Shelly was great at making monsters, but she also loved to bio-upgrade animals that had been injured, and then release them into the wild.

The animals currently living in the lab were: an iguana with a robotic tail that could warn him when a dangerous animal was sneaking up behind him; a fish in a glass bubble equipped with mechanical legs; and Peewee, the furry blue monster that had once followed Shelly home when she was on vacation.

Shelly had equipped the lab with artificial sunlight, a small pond, and plants from the animals’ native environments.

“It’s a bit stuffy down here,” Higgy complained. “Is there a reason why we’re meeting in Shelly’s lab?”

“Privacy,” Shelly answered. “If Flubitus won’t tell Newton who his relative is, there must be a reason. So if we’re going to find out who it is, we need to keep our search a secret. Maybe Newton’s relative doesn’t want him to find out either.”

That thought hadn’t occurred to Newton yet, and it made him sad. “I hope whoever is related to me will, you know, be happy about it,” he said.

“I know I would be,” Theremin said.

“Secrecy it is, then,” Higgy said. “I hope you understand if I unwind, then.” Without waiting for an answer, he took off his hat and goggles, unwrapped the bandages around his face, and then replaced his goggles. “That’s better.”

“Good!” said Newton.

“Great. Okay, so let’s start with what we know,” Shelly said, and she tapped the screen of her tablet. A holographic list projected into the air:

1. 1. NEWTON DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE CAME FROM.
2. 2. NEWTON HAS A BAR CODE ON HIS FOOT.
3. 3. NEWTON HAS SUPERHUMAN ABILITIES.
4. 4. FLUBITUS TRAVELED THROUGH TIME TO MAKE SURE NEWTON STAYS SAFE.
5. 5. FLUBITUS SAYS NEWTON HAS A RELATIVE IN THE SCHOOL.

“Did I forget anything?” Shelly asked.

“You forget to mention that Newton has an awesome friend named Theremin,” Theremin replied.

“And a roommate named Higgy,” Higgy added.

“Those things are true, but they’re not relevant to the problem we’re trying to solve,” Shelly said. “If Newton has family in the school, maybe they have amnesia too. Or special abilities. Or maybe they look like Newton.”

“Looks don’t necessarily mean anything,” Higgy said. “I don’t look a thing like my brother. He’s chartreuse, and I’m lime green.”

“Isn’t the best way to tell if humans are related is to test their DNA?” Theremin asked.

“Of course!” Shelly and Higgy shouted.

Newton frowned. “What’s DNA?”

Theremin’s eyes flashed blue as he accessed his data banks. “ ‘DNA’ stands for ‘deoxyribonucleic acid,’ ” he responded. “It’s, like, the stuff in your cells that contains all your genetic information—the things you inherited from your parents that determine how you look and how your body works.”

“Right,” Higgy said. “And anyone who is genetically related to you will share some of the same DNA.”

Newton’s mind was whirring. This DNA stuff meant that he could know for sure who his relative was. No guessing.

“How do you look at someone’s DNA if it’s in their cells? That sounds painful,” Newton said.

“You can test for DNA using a strand of hair, or saliva,” Theremin said. “The test itself is complicated, but collecting DNA is pretty easy.”

“I could sneak into everyone’s rooms and steal their toothbrushes,” Higgy offered.

“That would be hundreds of toothbrushes—and gross,” Shelly said. “Besides, DNA testing is expensive. Unless… maybe we could use the school’s lab.”

“That lab is off-limits to all students except for seniors,” Theremin pointed out. “Mumtaz would never let us use it.”

“What about Mumtaz?” Newton asked. “I mean, we haven’t asked her yet who my relative is. If Flubitus knows, she must know.”

“And if she doesn’t, she could arrange to have everyone’s DNA tested for us,” Shelly said. “It’s worth a try!”

“Definitely. Let’s go talk to her!” Newton said.

After making sure all of Shelly’s creatures had fresh water and food, they left the rescue lab and made their way up to Mumtaz’s office.

“Wait a minute. It’s the weekend,” Newton said. “She won’t be there.”

“She’s always there,” Theremin said. “She says that she’s headmistress twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.”

Newton knocked on her office door. A tiny drone floated down in front of them and scanned each one of their faces. Then her voice came through a speaker.

“Come in, Newton, Shelly, Theremin, and Higgy.”

They entered and sat in the metal chairs across from her desk. As usual, the headmistress wore clothes as colorful as her orange-and-purple-streaked hair. Her fuchsia blouse had bright green leopard spots on it, and she wore a chunky necklace with alternating blue and red beads.

“What can I do for you?” Mumtaz asked.

“You can DNA test everyone at Franken-Sci High for us,” Theremin blurted out.

Mumtaz raised her eyebrows. “And why would I need to do that?”

“Professor Flubitus told me that I have a relative here at the school,” Newton explained, “but he wouldn’t tell me who, so I’m trying to find out. Unless you know?”

The eyes of the headmistress flickered for a nanosecond. “I know nothing about this,” she said. “Perhaps Flubitus was confused. Time travel has a way of turning your brain inside out.”

Newton’s heart sank. “I don’t think he would say that if it weren’t true,” he said. “He knows how much it means to me to find my family.”

“Well, even if he is right,” Mumtaz began, “I’m afraid DNA testing every biological unit in this school is simply not possible. First off, it’s a very time-consuming, expensive process.”

“We’ll raise the money,” Shelly said.

“Yes, we could do a bake sale!” Higgy offered. “Or perhaps a yogurt sale. Mmm, yogurt.”

Mumtaz shook her head. “That’s not the only reason. Collecting DNA from students has been banned for decades, ever since Horatio Doppelganger tried to use students’ DNA to create a clone army of mad scientists to do his bidding.”

“I’ve never heard of Horatio Doppelganger,” Shelly said.

“He’s been erased from all history books, because we don’t want any students trying to duplicate his experiments,” she replied. “I’ve already told you too much.” She stood up. “Now, if I were you, I’d put this idea out of your mind and start studying for the Brilliant Brains Trivia Competition. Off you go!”

“But—” Newton protested.

“Off. You. Go,” Mumtaz said firmly, with a look that reminded Newton more of a bird of prey than of any tropical songbird.

The four friends left Mumtaz’s office.

“Well, that was a dead end,” Shelly said. “Don’t worry, Newton. We’ll find some other way to figure out who your secret relative is.”

“Do we have to do it now?” Higgy asked. “I wouldn’t mind studying for the trivia contest. That set of encyclopedias is an awesome prize.”

Shelly nodded. “Yeah, there are three whole volumes on monsters.” Then she frowned. “But we should really help Newton.”

“No, go study,” Newton urged.

“Come with us!” Theremin said.

“Nah, it’s okay,” Newton said. “I don’t think I’m going to enter the contest anyway. I don’t have enough facts in my head to win without using the whole noodle-you-know-what thing. And that feels like cheating.”

“It’s not cheating!” Theremin argued. “It’s part of who you are.”