Eight

“There is still such a thing as right and wrong in this world. Good and evil. The old-fashioned values remain. They are the cornerstones upon which our civilization is founded.”

Abbott’s voice wavered between his loud chastising voice and his usual incoherent mumble. He was clearly agitated.

“The theft of property from another human being is immoral,” he continued. “It is one of the hedonistic indulgences Moses tried to stamp out at Sinai. But when that theft is designed not only to deprive the rightful owner of their property, but also, I suspect, to gain an undeserved advantage in the classroom, the crime takes on an entirely new aspect. A veneer of self-indulgence and evil.”

Abbott drew himself up to his full height, such as it was. “And when that crime is coupled with the kidnapping of a fellow human being, the false imprisonment of another person in the room of the dead all night long, until he is at last rescued by an incompetent member of the early morning janitorial staff” –his voice trembled—“well, I can only remind you there are some sins heaven itself deems unforgivable.”

Bobby and Haji exchanged a mystified shrug. No one in the class seemed to have the slightest idea what Abbott had been rambling on about for the better part of the class period. Except Bobby.

“Let me just add this,” Abbott said. “If a certain someone finds it in his heart to return what has been taken, everything that has been taken, immediately and without delay, there will be no questions asked. Leniency will prevail.”

Was it his imagination, Bobby wondered, or was the professor staring at him? Bobby looked away. It must be a hallucinatory manifestation of his guilt about committing the heinous offense against the cornerstone of civilization. Abbott couldn’t have recognized him in that dark corridor. Could he?
“Just return what has been taken,” Abbott repeated, leaning forward across the sinks. “That is all I ask.” He drew in his breath. “Since the exams will now be impossible to grade, Group Four will be required to retake Friday’s lab exam, as will Group Four of my other three lab sections. I apologize for the inconvenience to those of you who may not be guilty, but it is unavoidable. The test will be on Wednesday at the start of our regularly scheduled lab session. Class is dismissed.”

The students started to disperse. “And remember,” the professor added, “let your conscience be your guide.”

The class rambled out the door, except for Bobby’s fellow members of Group Four, all of whom appeared to have been flattened by a cement truck.

“We take the exam again!” Haji said. “This is not fair. I was lucky to memorize all those long words for once. Twice is impossible.”

Bobby nodded. It was important that he seem as outraged as everyone else. “Total rip-off,” he agreed. “You want to get together tonight and study?” It was the least he could do, since he had probably cheated Haji out of a good grade.

Haji seemed genuinely pleased. “That would be very pleasant, Boo-bee.”

Good. It had been a long while since he had asked Haji to do anything. And given the current political climate, Bobby suspected Haji didn’t get too many offers from others.

“Why don’t we meet at Hume at six-thirty?”

Haji nodded happily and walked out of the classroom.

Bobby rose to his feet. Before he left, he pushed Max’s elbow out from under his head. “Wake up, Dorothy. It was only a dream.”

Max blinked his eyes rapidly. He was even slower coming around this time.

“Are you all right, man?” Bobby asked.

Max looked at Bobby sharply. “Don’t ever do that again,” he said. “I was in combat, you idiot.” He stacked his books together, stood, and stomped away.

“Oh. Sorry.” Bobby didn’t even try to understand. He swiveled around and almost walked straight into Haji’s redheaded lab partner, the one with the funny name he could never remember.

“Oh, excuse me,” Bobby said. He took a quick step back. She was pretty up close. In a freckled, homespun sort of way.

“No, no,” she said quickly. “It was my fault.” She pounded herself on the side of the head. “Dumb, dumb, dumb.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you have any idea what this crime against nature tirade is all about?”

Bobby shrugged his shoulders. “Search me.”

“Just wondered.” Her eyes were fixed on the floor. “I can’t believe we have to study this all over again. I don’t know how I’ll manage. I had a hard enough time cramming the first time.” She paused. “Plus, I think I threw away all my notes.”

Bobby took a step toward the door. “I’m sure you’ll manage.”

“Oh. Yeah. I’m sure I will.”

“Sorry to hurry off,” Bobby said, “but I have an important lunch date.”

Her eyes fell back to the floor. “Oh. Well, see you later.”

Bobby nodded and rushed out the door. He didn’t want to be late. And if he was early, he might actually spend a few moments alone with Annie.

 

*****

 

He hadn’t run quickly enough. Annie and Mark were both seated at a table at the Town Tavern on Campus Corner, just across the street from the North Oval. The place was crawling with students. The jukebox was playing some punk tune Bobby had never heard before and hoped never to hear again.

Bobby pulled a chair up to their table, facing the red placards recording OU football scores back to 1908. “Hi there,” he said. He hadn’t seen Mark or Annie all weekend, since the cadaver snatch. He noticed they were holding hands under the table. Must’ve been a great weekend. “How’s it hanging?”

“We’re doing very well, Bobby,” Mark replied. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Great.” He looked meaningfully at Mark. “Abbott scheduled a makeup exam for Wednesday’s class.”

Mark covered his smile. “My condolences.”

“You two look like you had a nice weekend,” Bobby said.

Mark and Annie exchanged a long, drinking gaze. “We did,” Annie said. She squeezed Mark’s hand. “This is a very happy time for me. So much of the malaise I’ve come to associate with the day-to-day life…” She let the sentence trail off. “It’s hard, you know. But it’s getting better.”

“I know just how you feel,” Mark said quietly, gazing back at her.

Bobby was glad he had not eaten yet. “Well, I couldn’t be happier for you both,” he said, suppressing his nausea.

“I feel as if I’m at a crossroads in my life,” Annie continued. Although she was ostensibly speaking to Bobby, she was looking at Mark. “I’m not sure exactly where I’m going, but I’m excited about the journey.” She placed her free hand on their clasped hands and squeezed.

“Well,” Bobby said, “I’m starved. You two can probably sustain one another without food, but I can’t.” He picked up the menu. “What are you having?”

“We’ve already eaten,” Annie said. “Sorry, but I have a Panhellenic meeting, and I have to pick up some brochures at Anderson campaign headquarters.” She gathered her books. “The Panhellenic people are threatening to give me the boot. They say I’m spending too much time on the Anderson campaign, but I suspect it’s more because I’m spending too much time with you dorm rats.” She stood, then bent down and kissed Mark on the lips. “I’ll leave you two alone to make guy talk, or whatever it is guys do.” She walked out of the tavern.

“Wow,” Bobby said after she was gone. “Things must be going great guns for you two.”

“Yeah,” Mark said. His smile was almost sheepish. “It’s pretty terrific.”

“So give me the inside scoop. How far did you get?”

“I don’t quite follow.”

“Give me a break, Mark. How shall I put it? Have you scored? Hit a home run? Hidden the sausage? Done the nasty?”

Mark fiddled with his napkin. “Bobby…I don’t think you understand. This is different.”

“I take it, then, your answer is no.”

“We’re still getting to know one another’s minds. Enjoying the communion of souls. You have to know the mind before you can appreciate the body. Can’t you understand that?”

“Not from the guy who normally rambles on about penetration strategies, no.”

Mark picked up a fork and began balancing it on his knuckles. “Well, since you brought it up, I think it’s crucial that our double date Friday night goes well. Have you written a new song yet?”

“Yeah, I’ve written a song. It’s a ballad, with lots of gushy, trite lyrics. You’ll love it.”

“Sounds like what the doctor ordered.” Suddenly, Mark banged his fist against the table. “My God, I almost forgot to tell you.”

Bobby’s eyes narrowed. “Forgot to tell me what? You did remember to pick up” –he looked around quickly, then lowered his voice – “Fred. Didn’t you?”

“I remembered to go. I went to the exact place where we left him in the tunnels. But he wasn’t there.”

“He wasn’t there? That’s impossible.”

“I traced and retraced our steps. Fred was gone.”

“Is this a joke, Mark? Because if it is, I swear to God I’m going to wring your fucking neck.”

“No joke, pal. Someone swiped Fred.”

“You must’ve gotten lost. You know how confusing the tunnels can be. I usually navigate for you.”

“I suppose it’s possible, but I don’t think so.”

“Who in the hell would swipe a cadaver?”

“Well, we did.”

Bobby took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Besides us, you moron.”

“Beats me.”

Bobby clutched Mark’s shoulder. “Do you have any idea how important this is? My academic career is on the line. Every chance I ever had of going to med school will go up in smoke if we get caught. This is terrible. Terrible. I knew I should have gone with you. My God, what next? We may have left fingerprints on him or something.”

“Chill out, Bobby. It’s only a stiff. I don’t think they’ll call in Scotland Yard. Look, I’ll come over later tonight. We can make plans for Friday night.”

He stood up, then leaned close to Bobby’s ear. “And try not to worry, Bobby,” he whispered. “Remember, dead men tell no tales.”