Chapter Twelve

Holly awoke with a start, pillow damp under her cheek. The bright sun heated the room. The sheets twisted around her body in a nasty snarl, damp from the sweat that seemed to run in rivulets from her naked body. She rolled over, hair stuck to her forehead and cheeks. She ran her hand through her knotted hair, and checked her watch, shocked to see it was after midday.

For a few moments she was disorientated, blank, head fuzzy with sleep and her eyes puffy from…She remembered, and her world came crashing down around her ears again.

She’d closed the door on Jack’s heartbroken face early that morning, heart shattering into a trillion pieces. Sliding down against the door, she sat on the cold, hard floor and let her own tears and pain loose, crumpling in a boneless mess on the floor. She’d lain there until she was sure a puddle had formed from her tears, and there were no more left to fall. Dragging herself down the hall, she collapsed into her bed and stared into the dark, eyes dry, mind void. She thought she’d never sleep. She hoped when she did, she’d never wake. Her life felt so broken. Holly had no idea where to turn next.

Sleep did come—finally—though it was not an escape. It was filled with dreams, restless snapshots of Jack, raised voices—and hell.

Holly untangled herself from the bed and sat on the side, head hanging. She pulled her hair back out of her face, and sat upright. Taking a deep breath, she stood, dragging the covers, sheets, and pillow cases off the bed, dumping them in the hall. “I’m not going to be that woman,” she muttered. I’m not going to let Masie, or James, my parents, or Jack for that matter, turn me into a sniveling mess.

Standing under a lukewarm shower, Holly shivered as she washed her hair, scrubbed her body clean. If only I scrub my mind clear of last night’s memory, she thought wryly. If only it were that easy. The normality of drying off, dressing, brushing her hair, and dumping the bedding in the laundry settled her rattled nerves a little. A void still seemed to yaw in her mind. She tried to stamp it down with conscious ferociousness, but she could not forget his heartbroken wail as she turned her back on him. She had no other choice. The thought opened a new wound in her heart. She put her hand to her chest against the pain.

In the kitchen she put on coffee and stood leaned against the kitchen bench, looking blindly out the window. Writing just didn’t seem like something she could face right now She’d probably end up killing one or the other of her main characters in spite. She laughed bitterly.

As the kettle boiled and clicked off, she poured a steaming, strong cup of coffee, added sugar, and milk, and moved down the hall to the spare room. Standing for a moment in front of the closed door, she finally leaned forward, without taking a step. She turned the handle and pushed the door, letting it swing open with a bang as it collided with the wall inside.

Stuffy, still overcrowded with boxes, bags, and covered with a layer of dust, it seemed claustrophobic and far too small. Holly took one step back, almost turned on her heels to leave, and then shook herself with disgust. Smiling nervously at her own reaction, she wondered what she’d expected to find. Maybe that the same fairy who’d left the bread and fruit when she’d arrived would have been busy in here too? Kindly left a neat pile labeled ‘Celeste’s Stuff’, a neon sign pointing to a pile of books with her mother’s name on it?

Steeling herself, she took a few steps into the room, setting her coffee down on a sturdy looking box and dragging a dusty, black plastic bag, soft and pliant with it’s contents. Untying the bag she found sheets, towels, and face cloths. The rest of the plastic bags held much the same. She stood for a moment and stared at the bag in her hands. On a sudden impulse, she hefted and threw the bag with all her might into the hall, towels and linen spilling out in all directions as it hit the wall and imploded. She screamed with rage, loss and frustration, hitting the bags with her fists, spilling more linen on to the floor as she vented her anger at Jack, and at herself.

Finally spent, she lay on the floor in the midst of the pile of laundry, hysterical bubbles of laughter boiling from the depths of her belly. Holly laughed until her stomach hurt and the laughter became tears. Pressing her face into her hands she vowed this would be the last time she cried for something she couldn’t change.

By late afternoon, Holly sat dirty, hot, and tired in the middle of the spare room, belly grumbling. She’d gone through the mess, and restored the room to some semblance of order.

She had no idea if they bags belonged to her parents, or the last tenants. She put them to one side of the room. The boxes, which she’d only just begun to tackle, were now stacked neatly on the other side of the room next to the large cupboard.

First though she realized, she’d have to eat. She was starving, she hadn’t eaten breakfast. Even the coffee she’d made earlier still sat untouched and cold. The rumble of a bike outside indicated her belly would have to wait a little longer.

Peering warily out the window she heaved a sigh of relief as she realized her visitor was Kristy, not Jack. She didn’t know what she would have done if it had been the latter. Hide?

She smiled. As if she could on this island. Everyone already knew everybody else’s business. Half the island probably knew about the fight with Masie and Jack last night. The other half was probably making something up more juicy. What could be more juicy than possible incest? The thought made Holly feel icy cold. She suppressed an involuntary gag. Her hunger disappeared. Her tummy roiled with distaste.

Holly rapped on the window as the bike’s engine died to get Kristy’s attention. Signaling a ‘come here’ wave at, she tried to smile, quickly making her way to the front door. Kristy smiled, sadly giving her a one armed hug at the door. Her other arm laden with a large dish, from which emanated a delicious aroma. “Hey chook, how are you doing?” She lifted one eyebrow and looked at Holly from under her eyelashes.

“You know? Argh, of course you know.” She stepped back out of the door so Kristy could pass, bustling down the hall, with the covered dish.

“Holly, I think CNN knows.” She rolled her eyes, smile thin lipped and cynical, striding past Holly and entering the kitchen. With a snort of derision she called back over her shoulder as Holly closed the door with a sigh of exasperation. “Masie was up at Marty’ parent’s place filling them in by eight this morning.”

Holly joined Kristy in the kitchen. Kristy unwrapped a dish filled with fresh battered fish and chips. The aroma set Holly’s mouth to watering. “I betcha ten bucks you haven’t eaten.” Kristy turned to her, one hand stuck on her hip, a questioning look on her face.

“No, I haven’t. My belly is starting to complain. In the endeavor to take my mind off the mess of my life, I started on the mess in the spare room.”

“Oh, awesome. Find anything interesting?”

“I found sheets and blankets. I have no idea who they belong to. I didn’t get to the trillion boxes and the large cupboard yet.”

“Well, I’ll give you a hand if you want. Just give me a shout. Where are your plates?”

Holly passed her two dishes and dug out some cutlery. “Where’s Marty?

I hope you left him some dinner.”

“Yeah, he’s up at his parent’s house, holding his mother down. She’s ready to hunt old Masie down.” Kristy roared with laughter. “Cora apparently told Masie to take her broken arse home.” She leaned on the kitchen bench with one hand and held her belly with the other, tears of laughter rolling down her face. “Cora’s about ten years older than Masie, the most devout woman I know, and I’ve never heard a foul word come out of her mouth. Of course as soon as Cora was done putting a flea in Masie’s ear, she came right down to our house to let us know. She was so furious, she was spitting tacks.” Kristy wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes and sighed. “God, if they were all like that old sweetie, the island wouldn’t have a grapevine worth two cents. For a mother-in-law, she’s a keeper.”

“I just can’t understand why people listen to rubbish like that at all.” Holly watched Kristy as she shared out the meal, her mouth watering. She gratefully accepted a full plate. Kristy shrugged and frowned as they sat down at the table to eat.

“Small community I guess. Everyone knows everyone’s business, and it gets boring, they embellish to make it more interesting.” Kristy popped a morsel of fish into her mouth and chewed. “It’s kind of like Chinese Whispers. You either play the game, or you don’t. Masie plays, Cora doesn’t. Masie should have known better than to try and tittle-tattle her spiteful story to her.” Sighing deeply, Kristy shrugged. “You just learn to ignore it after a while.”

“Ugh. I don’t know if I can, especially since I seem to be the center of attention—again.”

Holly’s belly grumbled a reminder and she tasted the lightly battered fish, twisting her face into a parody of ecstasy. “Oh this is good, Kristy. Usually I’m halfway through a tub of double chocolate ice cream in a disaster this huge.”

“Caught this morning. Can’t get fresher than that. Better than a chocolate fix any day.” Kristy waved her empty fork at Holly. “So, the grain of truth in the gossip is you, Jack, and Masie got into a God-awful fight last night. Right?”

Holly looked down, pushed the fish around her plate for a few moments. Even though she was hungry and the fish was the best thing she’d tasted in a long time, her appetite was fast disappearing, again. “God-awful is an understatement. Masie told Jack and I that we could be half brother and sister, and basically called me a whore.”

Kristy’s mouth dropped open, her eyes widening in horror. “Oh, the wicked old woman. What did she do, look through the window and take notes while Celeste and James made out?”

Holly snickered. “I could see her doing just that. I don’t know, Kristy. Every time I talked to James he spoke about Mum with nothing but respect. He had nothing but nice things to say about her, and her writing. It just didn’t seem right—the idea of them together that way.”

“What are you going to do about the old fella? Even if at the worst—the very worst he’s your father, you can’t ignore him. He was your mother’s friend.”

“What I have been doing I suppose. Visit with him every day, just like usual. He’s a sweet, old guy. He enjoys the company—even when it’s not a great day with his Alzheimer’s.” Holly got up to grab a bottle of wine out of the fridge and two glasses. She needed the time to think more about Kristy’s question.

The only reason I have for not visiting with James, isn’t the fear of bumping into Masie. I can deal with that crabby old shrew. I’m not sure about seeing Jack again. Grabbing a cork screw out of the drawer she rejoined Kristy at the table, popping the cork from the wine bottle and pouring them both a healthy glass. She smiled wryly. How easy it would be, to drown my sorrows in this whole bottle.

“Well, he could be my father for God’s sake. If the rumor is true. If not, he’s just a man who my mother used to go and see to confide in about her writing. Either way it can’t hurt visiting the old guy. If for nothing more than my own selfish reasons of making myself feel good.” Well it sounds good, even to me. Pity it also means if James is my father, I’ve lost Jack. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes and she blinked them quickly away. One thing she learned in foster care—never show your pain.

“You’ve got more guts than me, Holly.” She twirled the stem of the glass in her fingers. “I think I’d be hiding away from the world.”

Holly shook her head in disbelief. “No, not you, Kristy. I can’t see you hiding under the bedclothes. You’d be doing the same thing as me.” Sitting back in the hard backed chair, Holly puffed a mouthful of air between pursed lips. “I’m not going to turn tail and run just because some old woman has her underpants in a bunch. I came to Pitcairn for the truth, and either way, I’m going to find it. No one is going to stand in my way. If that means I find out that Jack is my half-brother—well, it means I’ve found family. That can only be a good thing—right?”

Kristy twisted her lips into a ghost of a smile. “I suppose. You two were so happy last night. It just doesn’t seem right somehow.”

The night at Kristy and Marty’s felt like it had occurred eons ago. Since she found out about her real parents, murder, suicide, and Pitcairn nothing had seemed right in her world. What is one more knife wound, learning that a man I was starting to fall in love with could actually be family? One more slice latticed across my heart.

Holly thought she’d be able to control her emotions by now, but hot and wet, tears began to build in the corners of her eyes. She dropped her head back and stared at the ceiling, willing them not to fall. When she’d controlled herself and her defiant emotions, she stared at Kristy, and shrugged. “It is what it is. I have to deal with what I know.”

“The Island Secretary’s office is open tomorrow. Cheryl told me she’s going to open the document safe and dig out the will. I can ditch the store and come with you if you like.”

Holly appreciated the support, but she shook her head. “You’ve got work. I’ll be fine.” She toyed with the fork in her empty plate. “I’ll go there, then head over to James to see him, before Jack gets home from work. I’m not looking forward to facing Masie again. She could quite happily rot in hell for all I care, but I have to see James. Jack—him, I don’t think I could deal with yet.”

“Well, you’ve got a friend in me, any time you want a shoulder to cry on, just let me know.” Kristy patted her own slender shoulder with a twinkle in her eye and a twitch of a smile. “May look like a puff of wind will blow me over, but I can support a mate.”

Oh, God here comes the water works. “Thanks, Kristy.” Eyes downcast, Holly struggled not to break down again. “Thanks for everything, especially dinner.”

Kristy got up and walked around the table, pulling Holly up into a tight hug. “You’re my friend, and this is what friends do.”

Holly, warm in Kristy’s embrace, safe in her friend’s arms, finally let the dam break.