T is for Transformation

SOMETIMES, TRANSFORMATION IS a group activity. That’s why a lot of people like to exercise together, rather than on their own. You’re strong for yourself, you’re strong for others, and you can draw support from the group when you need it.

But a decline and fall can happen in a group, too. Human beings are social animals. We crave being with each other, for good and bad reasons. A group can become a mob if enough negative thinking takes over.

You probably know the bad side. You’ve seen haters attack somebody vulnerable online, and it’s just like the playground in elementary school, except the bullies are hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet. But it happens in real life, too. Low-down people pull others down, because it gives them company in the muck.

The opposite is true, too, of course. Which is why I surround myself with people who lift me up—like Tania, Scott, Darren, Danielle, Jessica, Todd, and awesome Alex—when I’m doing my workouts. (You can never have too many amazing people in your circle of five!) They show me the best I can be, and remind me how I need to live, too.

That’s why your Core Five are so important for you. They help you set the tone for everything you do, and it’ll be a high tone, or a low one, depending on what music you’re listening to.

Another stop on the shaun T Live tour. People who have done my workouts crave the chance to be together, suffer together, succeed together, and I want to be with them, too.

It’s like extending my circle of 5 to a circle of 1,000, and the vibe is sky high.

An hour before the 9:00 a.m. kick-off, a line snakes through the lobby outside the venue, with people signing in for the event. They’ve come in packs of 3 or 10 or 15 to share the heat. Husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends (or boyfriends, as the case may be) are out in support of each other. Some people are there alone.

I spot an alpha mom, topping off her alpha baby with alpha breast milk. It’s so beautiful, I’m thinking: Maybe Shaun could work that out somehow, when Scott and I have children. (More about that next chapter.)

There are lots of girlfriend groups. At the Indy event, five ladies showed up in matching pink tank tops that said “Shaun T Is My Trainer. Who’s Training YOU?” I asked them to send me one. I’m training them, they’re motivating me. We all win.

I love everybody who shows up at my workouts. But, I throw an extra hug out to the people who show up and don’t care if they look the part, or haven’t lost the 40 pounds yet, or can’t even hear what I’m saying from the stage.

At an event in Jacksonville, I noticed a guy who was struggling through the workout. When I reached him and offered to help, he gestured to let me know he couldn’t hear me. He was struggling but he wasn’t leaving—he was still there doing the best that he could, given his hearing impairment. He stepped outside his comfort zone and communicated.

I got down on one knee and coached him for a little while, and he read my lips. We both lit up with that.

Think how brave you need to be to bring your imperfect self out in public and show a commitment that may only be inside you so far. A belief not yet a reality. Something you feel, but people can’t see. Maybe you can’t hang with all the steps. Maybe holding that plank is just a hope, not a possibility just yet. And yet you stand up in this group, and say: “I’m one of you. I belong here.”

I embrace them. Everybody in my workouts does. Because we all started somewhere, and we all have somewhere to go.

IN A DIMLY LIT HALLWAY, BEFORE the Indy workout, I queue up my workout music, run some sprints to warm up, rock out to the music a little, and circle-hug with my team—Alex, Darren, Danielle, and my modifier-in-chief, Scott. In the huddle, I remind us that every person in the room needs support to trust and believe in who they are.

That’s the real reason that we’re gathered here: To share the journey, and to move it down the road another few steps.

I’m not nervous; I’m amped up. People are transforming their lives before my eyes, so the view is spectacular. I feel like I’m bursting out of the starting blocks at a relay, looking to put my teammates in the best possible position to grab the baton.

From the sound of it, they’re pretty hyped for 9:00 on a cold February morning in the Hoosier state.

Most of the time, they’re crazy with energy. People aren’t here to march in place. They want to step it up to the next level.

Of course, some of the folks in Indy are a little nervous, hoping I’ll take it easy on them.

I can feel everybody revving up for the physical challenge, getting their blood moving, working their mojo. I am, too. We’re all feeling what I remember from my prerace hype from track. Lots of muscle warmups, some random sprints in place, plus dozens of “insaniacs”—all different shapes and sizes—battening the hatches before the sweat hurricane.

We’re all in for something difficult, and sharing it is just the point. We’ll bond through boot camp.

One woman is wearing a tank top that reads: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Which is crazy, because my grandfather loved to quote Psalm 139 to me. We hear you, Pop-Pop!

Another woman is wearing a T-shirt that proclaims: “I’m stronger than you think.”

she believes in herself. And, that’s the ultimate superpower, because she’s lifting herself up and others, too, by example.

Recruit that spirit into your group. The best way to do that is to wear the shirt, and believe it yourself.

I know how lousy it feels to see a scary image in the mirror. And, I’m not done with that out-of-control feeling yet, not by a long shot. I still have a weakness for Dunkin’ Donuts (the toasted coconut kind).

These workouts are as much about tough questions as they are about physical challenges.

And, can you stick with this workout for a few more seconds today than you did yesterday?

We’re in this as much for our hearts as we are for our bodies. I know this because of the questions I get during Q&A sessions.

The struggle to stay fit and the battle to lose weight are just two small parts of a bigger challenge: How do we stay true to ourselves in a world that can pull us down from every angle? We’re all fighting gravity in this hotel ballroom, but we’re also fighting it in our lives, to keep rising up. Muscle helps with that fight, but it’s ultimately our minds that lift us up and keep us there.

Before the workout starts, my first instruction to the group is: “Hug someone you don’t know.” I pick out somebody in the front row. I need it, too.

If we’re able to hug a stranger, maybe we can be ready to embrace who we are when we really need it.

Now, it’s time to move. We get into it a little bit, warming up the body and the mind. With so many people crammed into this room, I remind everybody that it’s not about what their neighbor is doing.

“Stay committed to your journey,” I tell them. “Your attention span is yourself. Stand on your own two feet. Look internally and take it to the next level … for you.”

After 10 minutes, the air is getting heavy. Pores are open. Breathing gets deeper, and I can hear the huffing and puffing from the stage. People are pumping it out. The energy level is high. We’re still running on adrenaline and caffeine. Nobody’s gassed. Yet.

I put them through a series of lunge squats, high knees, and 1-2-3 Heismans, and then I give them the bad news: “That was just the warm-up, y’all!”

We move into a series of planks and push-ups, just like I promised, when a woman up front lets out a loud “Ohhhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhh.…”

“Are you going to give up, or are you going to push? Are you going to stay in? You go through this so the next time, you know you can make it.”

Pretty soon, everybody is on their feet for switch kick punchs—fists and feet flying. Then, we go in for a few rounds of uppercuts. There’s a lot of punching in my workouts, as much for the arm-and-ab workout as for the idea of it. We’re all in this for the fight.

Put a metaphorical fist in the face of everybody holding us back, telling us “you can’t,” reminding us of our weaknesses.

Sure, we all have weaknesses. (I’m lookin’ at you, M&Ms.) But, this is about finding our inner strength. And so, we keep punching until our arms are about to drop off.

As we jump and punch, I notice that the floor is shaking under our feet. These people are powerful.

What began as a sprint turned into a struggle. But, I couldn’t care less if people match me move for move, or if they can only make it through 30 percent of the workout. What’s important is how hard they push themselves, and how they feel right now, in the moments afterward.

At least a third are dead on their feet and hate me right now. But, I know that they don’t really mean it, judging from the thanks and encouragement that are flying around the room. We’ve been down together, and now we’re on our way back up.

At these events, we exhaust our muscles first, and then we strengthen our minds.

I’m channeling my Pop-Pop with his bullhorn on the streets of Camden. Preacher gonna preach!

“I got this scar when my appendix exploded, when I was working as a dancer in L.A. I couldn’t eat for 2 weeks while they were figuring it out. I lost a lot of weight, and not in a good way. But, I’m telling you: Even when I weighed 175, this didn’t go away.”

I grab a roll of flesh, covered in stretch marks, that, like my scar, I’ll carry until the day I die.

“Listen, you may be on a weight-loss journey, looking to lose 10 pounds, or 20, or 40 or 60 pounds. But it’s not about that number. It’s not even about the weight. It’s about where you’ll feel the best. Where you can love your body. Not everybody is going to be skinny. Not everybody should be skinny.

“Here’s where we all want to be—in a place where we feel great. That’s where you’re going to look your best, because it’s the best you there is. You don’t need anything other than that, and it’s impossible to have anything else, anyway. So, forget about some number on a scale. Here’s the question I want you to ask yourself, because it’s the same one I ask myself: How do I feel today? If the answer is ‘great,’ do everything you can to stay there. But, even if it’s not ‘great,’ you still have to love yourself, just as you are today. And you have to take action toward greatness.

“You have to give if you expect to get,” I continue. “Just don’t expect to get much from outside yourself, because that’s not where the really important stuff is coming from. Here’s the key: You have to give the gifts to yourself. No one can breathe for you, right? No one can walk for you, right? No one can do a push-up for you, right?

“You’re gonna do it for yourself. It’s all about you being selfish. I don’t care if you’re a mom, or you work in an office, or if you’re the president of the United States. You need to focus on yourself first, help yourself first, if you want to help anybody else out.”

“Well, I’m tired, too. But, this isn’t about whether I can do a diamond jump. And, it’s not about how many of them you can do, either. It’s not about your abs, your booty, or your biceps. It doesn’t matter to me if you lost 40 pounds doing my workouts, or 5 pounds, or if you actually gained weight because you ate more while you were doing it.

“Fit comes in so many different sizes. When we think about weight, it immediately becomes a barrier. What’s most important is the baggage you carry in your life. If you constantly make excuses based on your baggage, the weight is going to pour on. ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do that because.…’ There’s 5 pounds. ‘Well you look great, but I can’t do it because.…’ There’s 15 more pounds. Accept who you are. Where you are is where you want to be. Trust and believe in yourself … right now.

“You don’t want to be saying ‘I will do this,’ ‘I’m hoping to try that.’ Say, I can and I am. You have the power right now. Live in that, breathe in that, stay in that, and don’t let anyone get in your way.”

If my Pop-Pop were still around, I’m pretty sure he’d give me an “Amen!”

AND NOW IT’S TIME for my favorite part of the day. The Q&A. Lots of people with their hands in the air, looking for the kind of help you don’t get from a workout alone.

“Sure I do. I ask myself: Why am I in a funk? Is it external or internal? Then, I focus on the person or project I’m in a funk over. You need to be the ‘antibiotic’ for your own life. Attack the invader!”

“There are two ways you can go: You can let it fester, or you can step out of it and go through the struggle. You gotta cry. Go across the bridge of emotion. It’s terrible to go through. You didn’t ask for that pain. But, you leave your mark to show your progress across that bridge. You made it to that point, and now you can move on. When you struggle, you do the work, and you get the reward. If you don’t have any struggles, it’s time to get out of the daisy field.”

A woman takes the microphone and thanks me for helping her through a 90-pound weight loss. We all cheer for her, but she’s not having any of it. She’s in pain, and I can see it.

“I still check the scale every day, and I hate it when I go up a few pounds. Will this ever stop?”

“Where is your ‘now’?” I ask her. “You need to accept where you are right now. You’re already at your destination, and you need to be happy with that. The person you were when you weighed 90 pounds more was amazing, because she’s the one who started your journey. Love that person. Go to who you are right now!”

I pick my way through the crowd, and wrap my arms around her. She needs a hug. I only wish I could time travel and hug her +90-pound self, because she’s my hero. I hope she’ll come to feel the same way.

Can you wrap your arms around yourself that way? You deserve that hug, that acceptance, more than you can know.

T IS FOR TRANSFORMATION

SUPERPOWER #6: FEELIN’ IT

Passion is your personal mojo. If you’re truly feelin’ it, nothing seems impossible. If you’re not feelin’ it, nothing is possible. Passion either makes or breaks your intensity and determination. To make any new plan work, and to overcome the problems that always come when you change things up, you have to have major drive. But, too much mojo might make you bull-headed or obsessed or make you slam right into a wall. The key is to maximize the passion, minimize the crazy.

SELF-TEST: ARE YOU FEELIN’ IT?

[1 = That’s me! 6 = That’s totally not me!]

1. Sun’s up, I’m up!

2. I have a hard time relaxing and doing nothing.

3. I push myself to the max (YES!).

4. I’m restless and full of energy.

5. I’m a vigorous and passionate person.

SCORE BOX

Mostly 1s and 2s:	Your mojo is workin’.
Mostly 3s and 4s:	You’re stuck in stop-and-go traffic.
Mostly 5s and 6s:	You’re just stuck.

SHAUN T’S

PASSION PLAN

EXERCISE #1

Figure out what really pisses you off. If you’re emotionally dead, you’re on your way to physical death as well. So, make a list of four or five things that really piss you off, and see if there’s a theme that connects them. You’ve located your beating heart. When you need a boost, use those things you hate to create a righteous anger inside of yourself. Let it levitate you out of your funk and toward a better way. Now, build an action plan—volunteer work, a career change, new exercise goal—that keeps it pounding.

EXERCISE #2

Take a risk. Nothing stupid here, people. I don’t want you to hit me up on Facebook with news that you laid your life savings on a lottery number. But, if you commit serious time and resources to a goal, you’ll naturally be more passionate. Being scared sh!tless will do that for you! Put something real on the line, and your passion will be real as well.

EXERCISE #3

Locate other passionate people, and hang out with them. L.A. is a town of dreamers. And a lot of them are working their asses off to make their dreams real. Those hard workers were constantly egging me on to try harder, do more, meet new people, dream bigger dreams, and live a better reality. So, are you part of a passionate crowd, or a passive one? Remember, you’re the average of the five people closest to you. Make sure those five are really alive!

EXERCISE #4

Give in to your obsessions. You can learn a lot from stuff you go nutty about, even if they’re a little ridiculous. Okay, you follow every tweet, cat-fight, and hairdo change of the Kardashians. Sometimes, you do that in the middle of the night. What’s that about? Maybe it’s your career as a marketing professional about to take off. If you fill in the blank with “I can’t help it, I’m obsessed with ________________,” you’ve identified a passion. Now, plot the points forward from there to see if there’s a career- or life-change implied by that passion.

EXERCISE #5

Practice spontaneity. A lot of us are waiting for permission to schedule that trip, go full-out turquoise with the colorist, or run out onto the dance floor and boogie. There’s no one around to grant that permission but you. Ask yourself: Why am I holding back? If the answer is anything but “I’m under doctor’s orders,” get on with it. Right now. Shaun T will hold your place in the book while you go a little crazy.

EXERCISE #6

Roar. I hear it all the time. People tell me that when I yell encouragement at them during a DVD workout, they yell right back at me. And, sometimes they just cuss me out, because they can’t believe how demanding I am. I’m happy with it either way. We all have too much stuff bottled up inside us, and one excellent way to pop the cork is with some scream therapy. You could do it to cheer yourself on, or you could do it to release tension, or you could just be letting the universe know how pissed you are. But, you need to let it out in a way that you hear it, because you’re your own most important cheering section. Bust an eardrum.

Are You Too Passionate?

Then come sit next to me.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

LOVING (AND HATING) SHAUN T LIVE

PASSION PLAN