• When he went back to Abd al-Karim’s house in the afternoon, all his old friends were there except Adnan. They embraced warmly. The chat centred on Hisham’s moustache, with a lot of ribald comments about why he’d suddenly decided to grow it. He thought at first that Abd al-Karim must have passed on some of what he’d told him that morning – Abd al-Karim had been known to be indiscreet in the past. But he soon realised that his suspicions were unfounded and that it was just a bit of fun. He asked after Adnan, and Abd al-Karim told him he’d sent his younger brother out to get everyone, but Adnan hadn’t appeared.
Nothing about the group had changed. The topics of conversation were the same and the repartee almost the same. He felt a new kind of boredom creep over him. Was this what he had been pining for all that time in Riyadh? Spending time with this gang had once been the most delightful thing in Hisham’s world. So why was he so bored today, when he’d hardly been with them for ten minutes? He felt deathly silent in the midst of this group of people who seemed strangers to him. Was this the ‘world of innocence’ he had felt guilty about, when he had smashed its ideals and ripped off the veils of its innocence? He looked around at his friends all sipping their tea and laughing, envying them their composure and innocence. But he didn’t want to go back to their world – and couldn’t even if he wanted to. He had discovered new worlds of excitement – worlds of fear, unease and pleasure – and it wouldn’t be easy for him to return to the innocent world his friends still lived in. These worlds might be wicked by his mother’s standards and the standards of the innocent world in which this gang lived, but they’d become an indispensable part of his life. Without them, his life would be tasteless, colourless, devoid of smell. These guys hadn’t tasted women, their heads hadn’t known drink, they had not experienced the thrill of adventure and the fear of the unknown. Was anyone who hadn’t passed through this tunnel of pleasure and fear really living life? It might all be a mistake, but what was life’s pleasure without mistakes? A mistake meant experience, and experience meant freedom of choice, and the whole of life consisted of moments of choice and rebellion. Those beautiful, innocent days in the past might have been blameless, they might have been pure happiness, but it was a routine happiness, a tune played on one string. How could one know pleasure without pain, or know error without the sharp bite of sin and the lashes of guilt? How could one feel life’s warmth without the restlessness of adventure and the desire to plunge into the unknown? Hisham had uncovered new worlds, making it impossible for him to return to his old world. A learned man could not become ignorant again, even should he want to. An ignorant man might be happier than a learned one, but the happiness of a learned man, steeped in the restlessness of the universe, is more exciting and more pleasurable. Could this be his situation today? He didn’t know. All he knew was that boredom was almost stifling him.
He had decided to leave when Adnan suddenly appeared, greeting everyone with, ‘Peace be upon you.’
‘And on you be peace, and the mercy and blessings of God,’ everyone replied, as if with one voice. They all stood up to embrace him.
‘Where have you been, man?’
‘What’s this beard … a real one or a false one?’
‘What’s with beards and moustaches these days?’
Adnan sat down at the edge of the room near the door, ignoring Abd al-Karim’s protestations that he sit near Hisham in the middle of the gathering. Saud asked Adnan lightheartedly about the new beard and why he’d grown it, and Adnan answered him with unexpected force, ‘It would be better to ask why we shave our beards rather than why we let them grow. Letting them grow, not shaving them, is the normal thing. Isn’t that so, Salim?’ he added, turning towards Salim. But Salim said nothing. His eyes, like everyone’s, showed surprise at Adnan’s strange fervour. They were all silent for a moment, finishing their tea, then Abd al-Aziz shouted, ‘Goodbye, everyone!’ Saud, Salim and Abd al-Karim surrounded him, while Adnan got up and made his excuses for leaving. Hisham used this moment to escape from his boredom and got up. ‘Take me with you, Adnan,’ he said. They left despite Abd al-Karim’s insistence that they stay, while the others watched them go in astonishment. At the front door, they looked briefly at each other without speaking, then each went his own separate way.