Trudy told Jimmy enough was enough, they were never supposed to have done it in the first place, and now it had to stop. Though, of course, she didn’t tell him why.
“No problem,” said Jimmy. A little too quickly, Trudy thought.
“Yeah, right.”
“No, really, it’s OK. I got a girlfriend now anyway.”
Trudy checked to see if she cared about this. She thought she didn’t, really. At least not very much. “Good.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“Nah.” And she wasn’t. She was mad at herself, the universe, her mother, her stupid sister. But not Jimmy. She just couldn’t see why she had risked so much for so little. Why her body had taken over her mind like that. Well, that was done with now. Brain back in the driver’s seat, please.
“Hey, Jimmy.”
“Yeah?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re tough, Trudy.”
“Don’t you forget it.”
Tough. (Except there was a breach in the system, a leak, a pressure valve in the form of a small round bald spot at her crown. Trudy had been pulling out her hair. She would stare off into space, twist some strands around her index finger, then run the hair through her fingers, letting it fall away until a single strand remained pinched between thumb and forefinger. And then with a quick tug she would pull it out and brush it off her hand and onto the floor. By the time she went to see Dr. Cameron, there was a quarter-sized patch of soft scalp showing. Sometimes she wore a kerchief to cover it. Other times she carefully teased her hair, blasted it with hairspray, and patted it carefully into place over the spot. Nobody would ever know.)
Tough. (Except she had terrifying nightmares. Earthquakes bringing down the house around them. Or floods. Water rushing through the house, sweeping away hairbrushes, slippers, packs of cigarettes on the crest of a giant wave. Or snakes. Snakes oozing up out of the ground in the yard, slithering through open windows, under the doors, rippling through the carpet, wrapping around her ankles. She would wake up kicking and tearing at the sheets, Tammy staring at her in the dark from the other side of the room.)