When I thought that my life couldn’t get any worse…it did. Sunday morning Pops had the bright idea that we would go to church. That meant digging through bags of clothes that we kept in the back of the Yukon and finding something that didn’t need washing or wasn’t too smelly to wear to church. I found a pair of jeans and a red polo that could have stood a good washing but wasn’t yet smelly. We only went to the launderette when it was absolutely necessary and even then it was mostly to wash our school uniforms and Pops work clothes. Anything other than that, Pops waited to wash, his way of saving money.
Pops helped Nyla find a blue dress with some weird designs on it, and a pair of shoes that looked like they were two sizes too small.
We walked into the sanctuary and almost instantly, I felt like we were three people who were on display. It was like we wore signs around our necks that said, “We Live In Our Car”. Maybe it was in my head, but seem like all eyes were on me. It wasn’t a good feeling at all.
“Daddy, my feet hurt,” Nyla whined. “I want some new shoes. I don’t like these anymore.”
“Girl, be quiet. We’re in church,” Pops scolded. “Your feet are fine, and I’ll get you some new shoes soon.”
Yeah, sure he would. He had a lot of catching up and a lot of making up to do, but it seemed to satisfy Nyla because all of a sudden she was walking normal, and holding on to her Barbie with a smile on her face. Dang, she was so easy to please.
Anyway, I guess one good thing that I was glad about was Pops didn’t go down to the front of the church to sit like we used to do when Momz was alive. Instead, we actually sat on the back row. After the church service started, for a minute I felt like we were almost normal again. I could almost see Momz clapping her hands, swaying her head from side to side with the music and shouting ‘Amen, thank you, Lord.’ I wonder if she’s doing that up in heaven.
The church was good ‘n warm, and the pews weren’t so bad so I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. Maybe I could catch a little nap, but that was short lived because Pops jabbed me hard in my side, gave me a stern look and mouthed, “Wake up, don’t you go to sleep in here,” he roared under his breath.
I sat up and then listened to the choir sing some song about God being able to do anything. If God was so able then why didn't he make it so Pops could get a job and us a place to live? I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through the contacts I had collected but couldn’t use. I looked at the free phone again. Then I thought about Pops and his Cricket phone. How could he keep his phone on, when he couldn’t keep the lights turned on when we lived in an apartment nor keep a roof over me and Nyla’s head. How smart is that; I almost laughed at the thought of how crazy my life was right about now.
Seeing Sierra yesterday, well I hadn’t gotten over that and I was playing over in my mind how things would be Monday when I got back to school. If she was laughing at me yesterday, there’s no telling how she’s going to act once we get back to school. I couldn’t figure out why Sierra was serving food at St. Mary’s anyway. And why out of the three main shelters in Memphis did she have to be serving food at St. Mary’s, the very one me, Pops and Nyla went to the most. This stuff that was happening to me just didn’t make sense.
Don’t ask me how, and don’t ask me why but things quickly turned to another horrific situation for me. After the choir stopped singing, the servers started taking up money. I just happened to look up from my phone. I was bored with pretending like I was texting and on the internet. Like I said, I looked up and who do I see? You guessed it, Sierra! Can you believe my luck? She’s standing at the end of the row where I’m sitting, and she’s dressed in some funny looking church uniform. She’s passing down a basket, and people are putting money in it. I quickly look away but not before I see her grinning.
It’s funny, but I don’t mean it to be funny, but all of a sudden Sierra looked like an evil witch, and not the fine Rihanna I’m so crazy about. It was weird. Okay, so when the basket reaches Pops, he looks at it, looks at the money in the basket, looks to his left, then to his right like he wants to see if anybody is watching him. He stares at the pile of money like he’s thinking about taking it all out and putting it in his own empty pockets. I’m thinking, that if he’s thinking what I think, then it ain’t such a bad idea because then I would have the money to go to the Kanye West concert that’s coming up in a few weeks, plus have some left over, but Pops does no such thing. He passes the basket to me without putting anything in it, and I pass it to the woman sitting next to me. I look back over at Sierra who has a look on her face that says oh-no-you-and-your-daddy-didn’t-pass-the-basket-without-putting-money-in-it-and-I’m-going-to-tell-the-whole-school-that-not-only-are-you-homeless-but-you-ain’t-got-money-either.
I did everything but slide underneath the pew then I got up as fast as my feet would carry me. I ran outside to the Yukon. Of course the doors were all locked so I slid down behind it, put my head in my hands, and bit down on my bottom lip to keep myself from crying because like Pops always says, real men don’t cry.