“THEY REALLY DO have better scenery here too,” Evelyn said. The nail of her index finger touched the train window several times. She had taken off her shoes, stretched her legs to rest them on the seat across from her, and now opened the turtle’s cardboard box. “What are those slabs? They smell funny.” She pointed to the two books beside him.
“Our guidebooks, for birds and plants, they were always in the car, always handy.”
“Elfriede definitely misses her beautiful box.”
“And who was going to carry it? Besides we couldn’t show up with a pen like that.”
“Look, there are the Alps again, and behind them lies Italy …”
“Behind them lies Austria …”
“The Alps are Austria, but behind the Alps lies Italy. We’ll take a trip there soon, Elfriede.”
“But without Elfi.” He folded up his newspaper.
“It could be, Elfriede, that you’ll have to stay at home.” Evelyn folded the cardboard flaps down. “You act as if you’ve seen all this!”
“Am I behaving the wrong way again?” he asked, not looking up.
“Aren’t you in the least anxious to see it all?”
“Sure I’m anxious, especially whenever I do or say something wrong again.”
“You don’t have to take your anger out on me. He ran me through the wringer too.”
“They would’ve found a job for him on our side too, I guarantee you.”
“But he was polite. Our guys tried to scare you, you never knew if they were ever going to let you out.”
“Nobody’s ever tried to pump information out of me the way he did.”
“Maybe not you.”
“You either.”
“But you’re tetchy.”
“And you get offended when I just ask if you’ve called your Mike.”
“Because you don’t believe me. And even if I had called him, so what? Anyhow, surely I ought to be able to expect that you’ll believe me?”
“You don’t believe me either.”
“I simply don’t believe that Michael was there in Trostberg. He would have let us know, we were registered there, after all.”
“Why would he have let us know? He was wearing a uniform, was there on business.”
“And I think, quite frankly, that you’re mistaken. What is Michael supposed to be doing in an old barracks like that, and in uniform besides?”
“I saw him, of course I saw him. Even though he closed the door again right away, because I spooked him—”
“ ‘Spooked’—now that’s new. You told me he had closed the door again right away, but not that he was spooked.”
“He was spooked. He saw me, flinched, and beat a retreat, flinched and retreated.”
“Why should he lie?”
“How should I know. Research on eternity sounds better than intelligence officer or whatever it is he does.”
“We can give him a call then.”
“That he lives in Hamburg.”
“Don’t be so naive.”
“You’re saying he gave me a phony number?”
“Would you know where it was ringing?”
“But why go to the trouble of putting on that whole show?”
“You think they don’t have spies too? And you don’t need to grin like that.”
“You guys have got some screws loose.”
“What do you mean, ‘you guys’?”
“You, just you, have some screws loose.”
“Then why did you say ‘You guys’?”
“I mean people who are constantly suspecting other people.”
“What do you mean ‘constantly’? And specifically which people?”
“Just in general, I meant it all just in general.”
“I don’t suspect people in general.”
“Can we drop this now, okay? Please.” Evelyn leaned back and stared out the window.
“Did Michael suspect me? Tell me, did he think I was from the Stasi? Tell me yes or no, that’s all.”
“No,” she said without turning her head. “We never talked about you, period.”
“So for you two I simply didn’t exist?”
“I didn’t want to talk about you. He did ask about you, but I felt like it was none of his business. Can’t you understand that? Did you want to talk about me with your Lillis and Desdemonas and whatever their names are? Let’s hope not. I think I might resent that.”
“I didn’t, but then I didn’t want for us to go our separate ways either.”
“You wanted something totally different, but your soul was still with me. Thanks heaps.”
“Go ahead and laugh, but my soul was truly and always with you.”
Adam crossed his legs and, it appeared, went back to reading his newspaper.
“I’d very much like to believe that,” Evelyn said.
“Then do.”
“I keep trying. I’ve been trying for two weeks now.”
“And what’s keeping you from it?”
“Nothing. But I just keep on trying.”
“And if you can’t bring yourself to do it?”
They looked at each other.
“Somehow you’re so unhappy. You were always in a good mood somehow, even in Hungary. Maybe it isn’t enough for you, just being with me.”
“ ‘Somehow,’ it’s always ‘somehow.’ ”
“Is polygamy what you want?”
“Let’s get married first, and then we’ll see if I need one or two more.”
“Don’t make a joke of this. Men are like that—or at least some of them. I’d rather we talk about this than just joke around.”
“I don’t miss Lilli and have never missed her. Period. What more am I supposed to say.”
“And Pepi?”
“Pepi is a lovely girl and will make a good university teacher, and I would love to see her again sometime, but it’s not what you think it is.”
“So then what is it?”
“What?”
“Well, there’s something wrong with you.”
“Now that’s rich. We leave it all behind—lock, stock, and barrel—and I don’t know how I’m going to earn my daily bread, and you ask if something’s wrong.”
“Do you want to go back?”
“I try to picture what it’ll be like when Mona walks into our house and your mother and the rest of them, and take out whatever it is they need—it’s something a man thinks about. I can’t just turn off the switch.”
“We don’t need that stuff anymore.”
“On Monday there were ten thousand of them in Leipzig. Imagine, ten thousand!”
“Adam, we’ve made it, we’re here in the West, we have all the papers we need, we’ll be given passports, we have three thousand Westmarks, I can study whatever I want, we have a roof over our heads for free, and you make a face like a prune.”
“It’s not been all that much fun so far.”
“That’s over and done with, we’re on our way to Munich.”
“Well yes, not exactly downtown Munich.”
“You’ve either just been sitting in front of the tube or playing with that stupid cube.”
“I find it interesting what our brothers and sisters are up to there in the East. As long as they’re allowed to get away with it, we should at least watch what’s happening.”
“You’re not curious about anything here.”
“We’ve toured all sorts of lakes and villages and towns. And I’ve been reading besides, if that’s any reassurance. Almost halfway through.” Adam reached for the Bible beside him, and held it up. Several sheets of paper were stuck in at the middle. “I dare you to get this far.”
“You might have looked in on a tailor or visited a fabric shop.”
“ ‘Good day, my name’s Adam, I come from the East.’ Do you think they have anything to teach me?”
“I mean the business end of things, what you get for what, where you get a business license. It’s all lost time.”
“One step at a time. Besides, people here don’t even know what a tailor is. They buy everything ready-made.”
With her toes Evelyn fished for her shoes and slipped into them. “What a shame, we’re almost there. I would love to just keep going.” She stood bent at the knees for a look in the mirror to comb her hair. “Tell me, if such a question may be permitted, what are those bookmarks in the Bible? Are you copying down the wiser sayings?”
“What bookmarks? These forms? Just keeping my place with them.”
“Here.” He handed her the pages.
“No, Adam, tell me it isn’t true.”
“What isn’t? All this crap they wanted to know—it’s just like in the East.”
“But we’re not in the East anymore.”
“Aha.”
“Why didn’t you say something! We were supposed to fill these out. He wanted them back from me, he asked about them.”
“Did they also ask you about me?”
“No.”
“Not one thing?”
“Only if I had come alone or with someone.”
“He asked me that one too. I told him he should ask you.”
“That’s what I told them too.” Evelyn pulled on her jacket. “Come on, you need to get ready to get off.”
“I’d really like to know what that was about,” Adam said.
“They’re looking for spies.”
“If I were a spy, though, would I ever have a good story ready for them.”
“I don’t know what it’s all about. I really don’t,” Evelyn said, sat back down, pulled the cardboard box with the turtle onto her lap, and gazed out the window.