It was easy for Christina to hide her moments of jealousy from Jackson and Bianca because she loved them both. More to the point, Bianca was lucky to have Jackson, who did so much more for her than her own father did. Christina overheard Bianca one night, as she sat on Jackson’s lap watching TV, telling him she loved him. Christina stopped folding washing to hear his reply. Jackson kissed Bianca’s forehead, saying, ‘I love you too.’ She was so grateful they had such a good man as part of their lives.
It made a stark contrast to the way things were between Bianca and Jamie. Ever since Jamie had announced that Summer was pregnant, there had been a definite shift in their relationship. Bianca still saw her father, when it suited him, but the bedroom defined as Bianca’s had become the nursery. She now slept on the fold-out bed in the sunroom, the drying socks and discarded furniture moved to make room for her. Christina confronted Jamie about this and all he could do was shrug and say, ‘you know what pregnant women are like, babe.’ And although Christina appreciated the child-free time, she put up no resistance if Bianca ever refused to stay over, and when she did, Christina dreaded what stories Bianca would tell on her return.
Christina left work early one Friday afternoon and headed to Della’s via the bottle shop. She arrived to hear the familiar shouts and laughter from the backyard as the kids made the most of the pool. She rushed out to say hello to Bianca, who had spent the previous night at her father’s. Not brilliant, being a school night, but Bianca hadn’t seen her dad for ages and had said yes to the invitation.
Christina knelt in front of her squirming child and gave her a massive hug.
‘Stop it, Mummy, you’re tickling me.’
Christina held her a moment longer to reassure herself, disguised it with a kiss.
‘Mum!’ Bianca demanded.
Smiling, Christina released her and watched her run off to play with Izzy and Tom in the pool.
‘Here, this will cure what ails you.’ Della thrust a glass of shiraz into her hand.
‘Thanks, Dell. What’s been happening?’
Della fetched salad ingredients from the fridge, set up a chopping board and fussed over selecting the right knife from the wood block. Christina slid onto a bar stool and watched the kids through the leaves of the vine-laden pergola. After letting Della prep salad as if there were points in it, she prodded her again. ‘Well?’
Della bit her bottom lip, the knife poised over a cucumber. ‘I saw Jamie today.’
‘Lucky you.’
‘Yeah.’ Della half smiled and concentrated on deseeding and dicing the cucumber.
Christina took a sip of wine. ‘And?’
‘And he dropped Bianca at school this morning,’ Della said over one shoulder as she popped outside to pick some mint.
‘Sure.’ Christina shrugged. ‘Bianca stayed over at Jamie’s last night.’ Her hand strayed to her collar, making sure she’d concealed the bruises of Jackson’s appetites. Six years and he still made love to her with an urgent passion. That was one benefit of their arrangement: no time to grow tired of the everyday. ‘Was Summer with him?’
Della stopped chopping. ‘How many weeks is she now?’
Christina rolled her eyes. ‘No idea. Not my problem. Stick to the point.’
Della went to say more but seemed to think better of it. Taking a large sip of wine, she said, ‘He was riding a motorbike. One of those big noisy ones you can hear coming from half a mile away.’
‘Oh.’ Christina took a piece of pita bread and dipped it in Della’s homemade baba ganoush. Funny how Jamie could afford a motorbike but couldn’t afford to pay maintenance. ‘Where was Bee?’ She bit into the bread, relishing the way the garlic and lemon blended with the creamy eggplant. Too good.
Della stared at her. ‘On the back of the bike, CC.’
‘What?’
Della turned her palms up. ‘Exactly that.’
Christina frowned at Della. ‘But Jamie can’t ride a bike.’ Once she’d seen Jamie on a bike. At the farm. On the quad bike.
‘He has L plates,’ Della added, raising her eyebrows to emphasise the significance of this piece of information.
‘Is it legal for a nine year old to ride pillion when you’re a learner?’
Della shrugged.
Christina didn’t know either. ‘But Bianca had a helmet on.’ A statement because surely Jamie wouldn’t be stupid enough to let Bianca ride pillion without a helmet.
Della glanced at her through her fringe. ‘Yes, but it didn’t seem to fit properly. It looked like an adult helmet.’
‘Jesus.’
‘Precisely.’
The implications assumed graphic proportions in Christina’s imagination. If some frantic mum in a 4WD had rear-ended him, at best Bianca might have been thrown clear. At worse, Christina shuddered. ‘Did you say anything to him?’
‘I couldn’t. He came via the Pacific Road entrance. I didn’t even realise it was them until Bianca took off the helmet. She’s pretty hard to miss with those titian curls.’
‘She could have been killed.’ The thought coiled and settled in Christina’s gut.
Murderous shrieking and splashing erupted in the garden. Startled, Christina shot out to the terrace and checked the state of play in the pool.
‘You’ll talk to him about it?’ Della grabbed a Spanish onion from the bowl, catching Christina’s eye.
‘Yes, of course. I’ll call him tonight when Bee’s asleep.’
‘Why not do it now, whilst Bee’s busy? Get it over and done with,’ Della pressed.
This was the way their friendship always worked. Christina prevaricated. Della acted on instinct and damn the consequences. After growing up with Rosa, Christina hated shouting and arguing. Della thought a good stoush helped clear the air. She saw it as her job to push Christina into action, to stand up for herself instead of always trying to find a way to keep the peace. Poor old Tony might spend his days managing billions of dollars but at home he kowtowed to Della without a murmur.
Tom dropped a bomb in the deep end sending an arc of water raining down on the sunbaking girls. Screaming death threats, Izzy and Bianca chased him around the pool. Tom scrambled to escape but Bianca was too quick. She caught him and shoved him in the back. He toppled sideways into the pool, grabbing Bianca’s arm as he went. Bianca splayed backwards, falling into the water after him. Neither resurfaced and Christina was about to yell Enough! when up bobbed Bianca. One hand covered her mouth, catching her laughter, the other twirled Tom’s swimmers over her head. She flung them into the peppercorn tree whilst Izzy hooted and stamped out a victory dance on the sidelines.
‘Idiots.’ Della chucked Tom a towel to protect his seven-year-old modesty. She waited until he had run back to revenge himself on the girls before continuing their discussion. ‘She wasn’t wearing protective clothing either. Just her summer uniform and the helmet.’
School uniforms designed to cool little bodies in summer, not protect them from skidding along gravel at sixty kilometres an hour. Christina thought of all the times she’d come off horses at half that speed and worn the scabby grazes as badges of her foolhardiness for weeks.
‘Dinner’s in ten minutes, you lot. Get dressed, please,’ Della yelled into the backyard.
The girls ran through the house, screaming and laughing on their way upstairs to Izzy’s bedroom. Christina bit back the nausea, saving her fury for when she got home.
‘What the hell were you thinking, Jamie? Oh, silly me, you weren’t thinking, were you?’ Christina’s anger had had plenty of time to fester between dinner at Della’s and Bianca’s bedtime. Now it boiled over. She had no need of Della in her corner tonight. Christina was furious.
‘I know how to ride a bike, babe. I’m not an idiot.’
‘Ooh no, I think you’re wrong there, Jamie. Only an idiot takes a nine year old on the back of a motorbike with no helmet and no protective gear. Are you trying to kill her?’
‘That’s not fair, CC, she was wearing a helmet.’
‘Della, from two hundred metres away, could see that helmet was too big. Not much use if she’d smashed into the ground headfirst, Jamie.’ The words soured Christina’s stomach.
‘I’m careful.’
‘Ha!’ Christina thought she heard Bianca stirring and went out onto the back stairs. ‘You’re not careful, Jamie. A careful father would not put his daughter’s life in jeopardy in the first place. Careful is caring so much about her wellbeing that you would never dream of letting her ride on a motorbike, no matter how many layers of protective gear she’s wearing because everybody knows, everybody but you, Jamie Davies, that riding a motorbike is incredibly dangerous.’
‘Not if you know what you’re doing.’
Even without being able to see his face, years of trying to reason with Jamie made his reaction all too familiar to Christina. He’d be leaning against the bench, arms folded across his chest, a nonchalant cross of the ankles, and he’d be wearing that smirk. The picture fuelled her anger.
‘Christ, Jamie. In case you hadn’t realised, this isn’t actually about you, it’s about our daughter. You know, the one we’re both supposed to cherish and keep safe?’
‘I do, CC.’
‘What? Leave her with Summer whilst you’re off playing rockstars with Vince?’
Silence.
‘Well?’ Her heart beat so hard it felt like it was trying to escape her chest. Reasonableness was a distant idea abandoned the moment Jamie answered hello. What she didn’t expect was for Jamie to bite back.
‘You know what, CC? I’m sick to death of your rules,’ Jamie shouted down the phone. ‘Bianca is my daughter too and how I choose to spend the little time you let me have with her is my business. You treat me like I’m the worst father in the world but you have no idea how bad some blokes are. I love Bianca. And as much as it kills you to admit it, you know she loves me too.’
‘You’ve got a funny way of showing it.’
‘Oh for fuck’s sake, CC. You’ve disappeared so far up Jackson’s arse you can’t see daylight any more.’ Here he put on a falsetto voice. ‘Oh, Jackson’s bought Bianca a new bike for her birthday. Jackson’s taking us to the Gold Coast for the Easter holidays.’
‘Which is more than you’ve ever done for her,’ she hissed.
His words stung. If for one minute Jamie had managed to inject genuine affection into his relationship with his daughter, Bianca might not strive so hard for his approval but her father was oblivious to her naked yearning. It broke Christina’s heart how hard Bianca tried. It would be better for all of them if Jamie just gave up the pretence that he cared.
‘Fuck you, CC! You can’t tell me what to do with my own daughter in my own time.’
‘The bottom line is she’s not safe with you, Jamie. That you can’t see that is the real issue here. You don’t deserve to have a daughter.’
With that she slammed down the phone, vowing that from now on she would make it as difficult as possible for Jamie to be alone with Bianca. And then Jackson made the decision that made it nigh on impossible for Jamie to see Bianca at all.