| |
It was probably his levelheadedness, Elliot reflected, that kept saving him from the frenzy. He wasn’t prone to emotional outbursts at the best of times, and as far as he could tell, that left little for the mysterious ailment to capitalize on. This gave him no small measure of comfort as he helped lift and carry all of the unconscious people. He took extra care with those he knew well.
He tried not to dwell on how much worse this disaster could have been.
The aircar managed to fit down into the clearing with a minimum of destruction to the plants, and it was a short walk there with each victim. But strapping them into their chair harnesses took time, and he was glad that others were handling that part. Everyone’s clothes were damp with former rainwater and sweat.
Finally every Earthling was on board, awake and otherwise, and they were ready to take off. Elliot looked over at Hubcap, who was staring forlornly out the window.
“We’ll come back,” he told the robot. “Probably right away.”
Hubcap shook his head. “But we scared them. They might not come back to us now.”
Elliot didn’t have anything good to say to that. “We’ll just have to see,” he said. “We’ll do our best.”
Then the engines came on, and there was no further talking.
One long, tense ride later, the aircar was nosing into the hangar as the more lightly sedated victims were starting to wake up.
“Ugh, what happened?” asked Dr. Rhodes, raising his head wearily a few seats over.
“You went nuts and ruined everything,” Hubcap replied, waving an arm through his harness. “Now keep your head down or I’ll stamp you again.”
With a wordless mutter, the psychologist lapsed back into unconsciousness.
“That would be impressive, to stamp him with an empty hand,” Elliot said.
The robot smacked fist to palm with a clank. “I didn’t specify what I would stamp him with, now did I?”
“No,” Elliot admitted. “You did not.”
The doors opened with an urgent rattle, and medical personnel rushed aboard to unfasten harnesses and lift people onto gurneys. Elliot was impressed with their speed.
“Man, this place must have a whole fleet of those wheelie-carts,” Hubcap said as he undid his own harness.
Elliot nodded, doing the same. “They probably buy them in bulk.”
“There must be a big room somewhere, with rows and rows of them just waiting to ferry about some poor fleshbag. Or maybe they stack them like those metal chairs.” Hubcap started to stand up, then a gurney trundled past his face and he sat back down. “Maybe I’ll just stay here for a little while.”
“A fine idea,” Elliot agreed, pulling his feet back from the walkway.
“So anyway, I want to find this room,” Hubcap continued, leaning his head back. “I want to find it, and start a hallway jousting league. I will be grand champion.”
“Sure you will,” Elliot said with a smile, appreciating the robot’s talent for lighthearted diversions. “And what do you plan on jousting with? Keep in mind, broomsticks would definitely hurt us fleshy types.”
The robot waved a hand in dismissal. “I’ll think of something. Maybe projectiles instead: water balloons and flourbombs and the like. The cleanest person wins.”
“And the dirtiest cleans the hallway.”
Hubcap pointed at him. “Yes.”
At that point Tarja walked past behind one of the gurneys, carrying all four cameras hooked over both shoulders. The gurney held Dale, and Elliot could see Graham and Vic being loaded onto wheelie-tables of their own. Everyone was moving at a good clip, so the duo had to hurry to catch up. Elliot offered to carry two of the cameras while Hubcap made sure the rest of the camera crew was being properly cared for.
It was a long trip to the hospital wing, though more in terms of chaos than distance. The main medical facilities had thoughtfully been built next door to the parking garage. Everywhere Elliot passed, people were hurrying and scurrying and flat-out running from place to place. They all spoke at a yell. Official things were being decided somewhere he wasn’t privy to, and for the moment, he was okay with that. He’d go find out later, when he was sure that the rest of his crew would be okay. There’d be quite the conversation with Ms. Kaleel, and Elliot wanted to make sure Vic was there for it.
“Hey, I think that was the room!” Hubcap said suddenly, pointing back at a door they had just hurried past.
“What room?” Elliot asked, craning his neck to look over the camera straps. He saw a closed door like any other. The air smelled of antiseptic.
“The one with the fleet of gurneys!” Hubcap said in delight.
“Did you see them in there?”
“I think so! If not them, then something else interesting in rows and rows.” Hubcap rubbed his hands together maniacally as they hurried down the hall. “My hallway jousting will be a glorious sight to behold.”
Elliot listened to his partner chatter on, and he wondered where the conversational habit came from. It was probably a holdover from lifting the spirits of anxious rescuees on the way to safety, though Elliot suspected it did double duty in keeping Hubcap’s mind off the problems too.
“...And I will make a crown out of the winner’s cleanest socks, and a scepter from writing implements and shiny wire...”
Elliot let him ramble. He hitched the cameras higher on his shoulders and hurried.
––––––––
Hubcap didn’t like waiting at the best of times. He’d done plenty over the years, and now that he could decide his own fate, he preferred to avoid it whenever possible. There were better things to do than stare into space and think.
Things like telling terrible jokes, and seeing how many of the people in line at the medcenter he could get to groan at the punchlines.
“Wait, you’ll like this one,” he said as the line shuffled forward. “What’s brown and sticky?” He looked around expectantly while the various humans pretended to ignore him. After a silent moment, he declared “A stick!”
That was the best number of groans yet. Elliot was shaking his head, and Graham, still on a gurney, pretending to go back to sleep. He fake-snored loudly.
Hubcap poked the elder human in the ribs. “You are fooling no one.”
“Ow. Hey look at that, I’m awake! What’d I miss?”
“Some excellent jokes,” Hubcap told him. “I can repeat them if you like.”
Graham protested and sat up, exclaiming at how much better he felt. The other patients were in a similar state, none the worse for wear except for the odd bruise or scrape. They waited with varying levels of patience for a medical professional to bandage their SedEgg bites and grant permission to go back to work. As far as Hubcap was concerned, the group had gotten off almost suspiciously lightly after that kind of hullabaloo, but he wasn’t about to complain about it.
Elliot and Tarja were unaffected by the frenzy. They and Hubcap stuck with the rest of the crew so they didn’t have to find each other afterward. Someone had said the checkup would be fast. Hubcap was unimpressed so far, but when his group finally made it to the front of the line, the humans were indeed evaluated quickly. A woman with Indian ancestry and a crisply professional demeanor pronounced them good to go as long as they took it easy for the rest of the day.
“Try not to raise your heart rate, and report back if you notice anything out of the ordinary,” she instructed them. Her name tag said “Dr. Chakraborty,” and her expression said “Don’t be as dumb as I expect you to be.” Hubcap decided that he liked her. If this was the doctor that had seen to Mr. Lee, then no wonder the big boss had been kept successfully hospitalized for two days.
Vic nodded. “We will. Thank you.” The doctor moved on to the next person, and they were free. Hubcap was the first to the door.
He was met in the doorway by a man both well-dressed and frazzled, with a message that the bosses wanted to see them and their cameras. Hubcap deferred to Vic, who told the man to lead the way. While they followed the quick tap of his footsteps, Vic quietly urged the crew to check over their equipment for damage. Everything came up intact before they reached the conference room.
Mr. Lee was waiting just inside, looking fully recovered from his frenzy two days earlier. “Welcome,” he said. “Do come in!”
The room held a big table and several important-looking people, who were all very interested in seeing the footage that had been filmed that day.
“Would you be willing to sell it to us?” Mr. Lee asked.
Hubcap knew what the answer would be even before Vic apologetically declined. The show’s contract was clear, and no one here had the authority to override it. These people were more than welcome to make an offer to the showrunner back Earthside, but there was clearly little chance of it being accepted.
The footage was valuable to a degree that Hubcap was still coming to terms with. Everyone on Earth would want to see it.
“Would you be able to show it to us now?” Mr. Lee asked. “We promise there will be no illegal recording devices. We just want to have a better idea of what’s happening on this planet.”
Vic agreed to that. She had Tarja and Graham rig up a quick linkage to the screen in the room, and in moments the suit-clad individuals were on the edge of their seats watching Hubcap’s first contact with an alien race.
This was the first time he had seen it from the camera’s point of view. He had to admit the videographers were good; they’d managed to get the perfect angle of Rainbow’s first appearance, and his subsequent reaction. One camera had stayed in close-up while the others panned out at the arrival of the other aliens. It was all very dramatic.
The executives oohed and ahhed over the scene, then made disappointed sounds when the frenzy started and the aliens fled. Tarja turned off the link. As the lights came back up, the executives erupted into a flurry of planning. People on Earth would need to be told. Officials would be notified, diplomats and xenoanthropologists would be brought in, they would need the best in translation technology and also would Vic mind if other people on-planet saw the footage?
After some negotiation that Hubcap happily kept out of, it was agreed that the TV crew would show their video in the auditorium after dinner. Anti-recording projectors from the bathrooms would be relocated to shield the screen from piracy attempts. The various employees would be doubly forbidden from bringing cameras into the room. Mr. Lee swore up and down that the show’s copyright would not be breached; he would see to it himself. Vic said she would hold him to that. Hubcap silently promised to make all the Untrustworthi-Lee jokes if the man broke his word.
Dinnertime was fast approaching, and there was much to do. The executives left with words of gratitude while Mr. Lee showed the TV crew to the auditorium. He called for various locals to meet them in the control booth.
Hubcap didn’t have any duties while the camera jockeys worked to sync the machinery together, and neither did Elliot. The human checked his watch and muttered about dinner.
“Mr. Lee,” Elliot asked, “Are we allowed to eat in here? Can I bring food back while all this gets set up?”
Mr. Lee gave permission. Elliot caught Hubcap’s eye, and the robot happily joined him in the quest for human fuel.
Hubcap was privately glad to see that Elliot could find his way to the cafeteria from there without any help. Maybe the human was picking up his subtle hints about memorizing the layout of a new place. Good for him.
The kitchen workers were setting up for dinner when they arrived, and it didn’t take much to convince them to allow a few early meals. This was the least they could do for the visiting TV stars who had discovered aliens.
“Word travels fast,” Hubcap commented as one kitchen worker wheeled over a cart and another started loading food onto plates.
“With this kind of word, you bet it does!” said the pale guy with the cart, who seemed far too skinny to be a cook. Hubcap privately decided he must be a dishwasher. “How many meals do you need?”
“Five,” Elliot said. “At least for us human folk.” He turned to Hubcap. “For you?”
“Do you have any used fryer oil?” Hubcap asked the dishwasher. “It’s a nice change from the algae-based biofuel the show sends with me.” The man said he’d check. He left while the other employee, a stockier man, finished loading plates.
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to stick with the proven stuff,” Elliot said.
Hubcap waved a hand. “A robot likes to smell like fried food sometimes, instead of pond water.”
“Biofuel doesn’t actually smell like pond water.”
“But you can’t say that fryer oil doesn’t smell like food.” Hubcap waggled his fingers. “Greasy, greasy food.”
Elliot made a face. The kitchen worker finished with the plates and set a canned drink next to each. He asked if there was anything else they needed.
“No, thank you!” Elliot said. “We’ll bring the cart and plates back as soon as we’re done.” The worker nodded and scurried off.
“You go on ahead,” Hubcap waved Elliot toward the door. “I’ll be right there. Hopefully with fryer oil.”
Elliot agreed and wheeled the cart carefully out of the room. Hubcap stepped aside to wait while the other workers brought out food for the buffet.
A loudspeaker crackled to life with an announcement about the screening after dinner. Hubcap heard people in the kitchen speculating about what the aliens looked like. He was trying to decide whether to pop in and tell them when the man appeared with a plastic bottle full of amber-colored oil.
“Got it!” he said. “We set some aside for you, then somebody moved it. Enjoy!”
“I will, thank you,” Hubcap said. “It even looks properly filtered. My compliments to the chef.”
“I’ll tell her you said so.” The man said waved and headed back into the kitchen.
Knew he couldn’t be a cook, Hubcap thought. After a moment’s consideration, he decided to have his meal along with the humans instead of just drinking it now. He left the cafeteria and retraced his steps to the projector room.
He found it a busier place than the cafeteria. Apparently the equipment was being difficult. People walked back and forth carrying bits of technology in one hand and food in the other. Elliot sat in a chair out of the way. He waved at Hubcap and shrugged.
The cart had been pushed into the hallway. Hubcap pressed it against the far wall and made himself comfortable on top of it. The floor was flat enough that it didn’t roll away, and he had a good view of the chaos.
“Hey there!” said a delighted voice. Sera approached from down the hall in regular work clothes instead of a biohazard suit. The rest of her hair was just as magnificent as Hubcap had expected: buzzed short on the sides with intricate patterns shaved deep. The top was braided, leaving only the bright blue tuft of bangs free. It reminded Hubcap of the paint jobs that one of his old rescue teammates had taken to in recent years. Creative.
“Greetings,” Hubcap said with a salute of the oil bottle. “On your way to nourishment?”
“That and videos of aliens! I can’t believe it!” She spread her arms. “How did that happen?”
“Well,” Hubcap said, “One walked out of the woods, drawn no doubt to my metallic splendor, followed by its friends. We were having quite the moment before a meathead had to go and frenzy on us.”
“Oh no!” Sera said. “Did the aliens frenzy too?”
Hubcap waved a hand. “No, they ran off. We can only guess if they’ll show up again.”
“I hope so. I’m sure they will. Metallic splendor, right?” She grinned. “We just need to get you out there again.”
“Yes.” Hubcap opened the bottle. “Preferably without any frenzy to spoil the mood.”
Sera watched him pour a careful stream down his throat. “Yes. Ideally.”
Hubcap paused to talk. “I swear, it was bad enough when I just had to worry about the frenzy for humans’ sake. Now I’ve got to watch out for a whole other species too. Very unfair.”
“At least there’s SedEggs. We can shut the frenzy down fast.”
“Yes. Leaving unconscious meatbags to worry about instead.” He resumed pouring.
Sera chose her words carefully. “Were you designed to care for our well-being?”
Hubcap finished the last of the oil. “Rescue.” He screwed the cap back on. “And let me tell you, humans need a lot of rescuing. It’s like a mission that never ends.”
Sera leaned against the wall next to the cart. “How did missions usually end?”
Hubcap set the bottle aside and gazed across the hall at the ongoing chaos. “Maintenance and debriefing. Going into standby with the knowledge that the day was over and we didn’t have to bother ourselves about it anymore.”
“Can you just ... tell yourself that each day is done now?” Sera suggested. “It’s probably not the same, since you’ll see the same people the next day, but maybe you can make a clean slate?”
“I don’t think it’s quite that easy.”
The lighting in the control booth changed, and the little room erupted into cheers. Mr. Lee and several locals exited, all smiles. One woman greeted Sera, and they moved off to dinner together.
“Good luck!” Sera said to Hubcap as she was ushered away. “It’s worth a try! Thanks for the aliens!”
Hubcap waved to her.
Elliot popped his head out of the room to usher Hubcap forward. The robot climbed down, leaving the bottle on the table. Graham was already bringing plates out to join it.
The electronics had been wrangled into submission with plenty of time before the showing. Since the crew didn’t want to leave their gear unattended, they stayed there chatting with the remaining technicians while the other employees ate. Apparently these folks had eaten at an earlier shift.
When the loudspeaker announced showtime, Hubcap was surprised by the polite stampede for the auditorium. The humans walked slowly enough, most of them, like the dignified professionals they no doubt fancied themselves. But the air buzzed with excitement as they filled every seat and then some.
“This auditorium is supposed to have enough space for everyone who works here,” said the short woman with curly hair who was lead technician. “Looks like it’s at least close.” People were standing against the back walls and filling the doorways.
Mr. Lee made a brief introduction at the front of the room, then gave the command. Hubcap heard the humans around him sigh in relief when the correct images appeared on the big screen.
Elliot leaned toward Hubcap, eyes forward. “You are going to be so famous,” he murmured. “I’m sure we’ll all be in the history books somewhere, but you’ll be on the cover.”
“I have no problem with that,” Hubcap said. “It does depend on whether we can find the aliens again, though.”
“We’ll make it happen. Mr. Lee says we can go to the same spot first thing in the morning.”
“Glory hallelujah. Is it morning yet?”