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THE GRINGE REPORT
PA2 PASSAGE SOUNDS THE CLARION CALL
The entire nation—indeed almost the entire world—greeted the final passage of the PA2 by both houses of Congress with almost uniform approval. Celebrations were staged in downtowns and plazas all across America. Some cities even hosted parades.
“It’s about time we took America back for the true Americans,” said Henry Collins of Parsons, Kansas. “Not these misfit girls.”
Reverend Algernon Trent, leader of the Shine Surveillance System, issued a statement. “The passage of Bill 1692—the PA2—is a fresh start for America. But it’s just a start. Much more legislation is needed to make this nation safe. I hope President Patterson will see fit to convene the Emergency Security Council immediately and that they will take all possible actions to contain Shine violence and prevent future massacres like those in Seattle and Santa Monica.”
This development comes on the heels of increasing reports indicating that the Shine epidemic has spread beyond America’s borders. Reports of Shine activity have occurred in places as diverse as Darfur and Iceland. While some may be American Shines travelling, others appear to involve local girls.
“We cannot afford to wait another moment to take action,” said Achilles Buto, Secretary-General of the UN. “This disease must be controlled and contained. I call on all the citizens of the world to support this effort. This is a time when we must all be patriots—patriots of the world. Isn’t this why the new act has been called the PA2? The new Patriot Act?”