AMERICAN SOCIETY ONLINE
“CLIMATE OF TERROR” LEADS TO PASSAGE OF MORE ANTI-SHINE LEGISLATION
Washington, D.C.
In an after-hours session last night the House of Representatives passed the so-called “Baby Shine” bill by an overwhelming margin. A slightly different version of the bill is expected to pass the Senate later this week.
“This is a triumph for the people,” announced Reverend Algernon Trent, president of the Shine Surveillance System. “The climate of terror created by these irresponsible, out-of-control girls is about to be brightened by the sunshine of God-fearing people and common sense.” He spoke to a large assemblage of cheering SSS members holding a candlelight vigil outside the Lincoln Memorial. “From every corner of the globe, the call has gone out for good men and women to stand up and prevent another Seattle or Santa Monica. We will preserve our species and see it move forward by normal healthy means, not genetic abominations.”
Regardless of their position on Shines, few could deny the effectiveness of the SSS as a lobbying organization. Just as with the previous bill known as the PA2, the well-organized and well-funded SSS spearheaded this bill through Congress in record time with few dissenters.
Commentators around the world seemed generally supportive of the bill. A resolution of support was passed by the United Nations General Assembly and approved by the Security Council. “We must not allow our desire for safety to overcome our desire for common sense,” said Representative Beth Holly (D-Minn.), one of the few to consistently vote against the SSS’s anti-Shine initiatives. “America is the land of the free and the home of the brave, not the enemy of evolution and the sanctuary of the sanctimonious.”
Once fully implemented, the bill would require all newborn babies to be tested for the 47th chromosome, a genetic abnormality associated with Shines. Such testing would be mandated by hospitals or medical personnel involved in the delivery of newborn babies…