A few days’ stay with Mr Driver stretched into a few weeks.
Mr Bednarski gave Daniel a job until he could start his university course the following year. Daniel said Dad was quite fine about him becoming a lawyer, and I could tell this made him feel very relieved. He didn’t say anything about Mum, and I didn’t ask. Dad and Daniel left for work together every morning and went straight in to see Mum as soon as they got home. They took it in turns to slip over to Mr Driver’s to see me when they could. Every time I heard Dad or Daniel come through the back door, I hoped they were coming to take me home. But they asked me to stay put for a while longer because Mum was quite unwell and not getting over Caleb’s death yet.
The Christadelphians held a special Sunday school meeting for everyone to remember Caleb. They’d waited for Mum to come home to hold the ceremony, but she was too upset to attend, so they went ahead without her. So many people wanted to come that they took over the rear hall because the Sunday school rooms upstairs weren’t big enough. Dad attended the Memorial Meeting in the morning and drove back to collect us for the 3 pm service. I was still allowed to go to Sunday school.
I wished Mum had come to the special Caleb afternoon because, although we all cried, it was very lovely. Lots of people got up and said nice things about him, including Dad. I was very worried about him talking to a big group about Caleb, but although his eyes filled with tears, and his voice caught a few times, he made it through and what he said was marvellous.
After the talks and a hymn, we sat in circles and each person had to say something they remembered about Caleb and thank God for giving him to us, even though it was for a very short time. I told them about the time Mum locked me in the laundry for being naughty, and Caleb pushed a lolly snake through the keyhole.
Ruthy wrote a lovely letter to God about him, and one of the Sunday school teachers read it out. It made everyone yowl and bawl it was so good. Dad was very proud of her and planned to frame the letter. I thought this was a great idea, although it would mean there would be Ruthy’s letter for Caleb, and Ruthy’s church exam prize and Ruthy’s writing certificate on the wall, and nothing about being proud of me. But when I thought that thought, I realised it was selfish, and gave Ruthy an extra hug to say how glad I was for her.
School was done for the year, so Ruthy came over to play most days with me in Mr Driver’s backyard. She often cried over little things, but always said it was just grief over Caleb, and that I wasn’t to worry that it was anything to do with me. I thought this was especially kind and I felt closer to her over those weeks than I ever had before. When we got very sad, we sat on Mr Driver’s sofa clinging to each other while he made us tea and biscuits.
Mr Driver arranged for Maynard to come to see me at least once every week. Maynard was very good at knowing when to talk about Caleb, and when to talk about something else completely. He caught me up on all the things that had happened at school while I was at Grange Primary, and often made them sound so entertaining he could make me laugh for a moment. Whenever I did laugh though, I immediately felt bad because it wasn’t right to ever feel happy again because of what had happened.
One of the saddest days was when I heard a big noise in my old garden, and climbing onto Mr Driver’s fence, I realised that Dad and Daniel were clearing away what was left of the old olive tree. Two men from Dad’s work had come with a trailer and a chainsaw to help them, and it took them all day and lots of noise to finish the job. When they drove away, I almost fell off trying to stretch to see what my garden looked like now. All that was left was a sad, bare, burned sort of hole. With the tree gone, it seemed that there was too much light shining into our place. It looked like a desert. It felt like my heart.
Whenever I heard the creak of our back door, I’d rush to a little gap between the timber fence palings between the houses, hoping for a glimpse of Mum. It wasn’t her very often. Ruthy said she largely stayed in bed or in the television room. Dad bought her ladies’ magazines as a treat on his way home two nights a week. She had returned to eating almost nothing and was usually in bed when Dad got home from work. Ruthy said the only good thing about it all was that she often kept Dad and Daniel company in the evening, staying up quite late with them in the lounge room. There was no Cadbury’s chocolate on Friday nights anymore.
One day, watching through the fence, I saw Mum come out of the house with Dad. She was in the same blue dress she was wearing when she walked off the plane, and she actually smiled at Dad when he opened the car door for her. I wanted to rush into my house to ask Daniel or Ruthy what was going on, but given what had happened, I was pretty sure I was cursed now, and if I stepped onto our place without permission, something else bad might happen.
Daniel came out to get something from the shed and saw me peering through the fence. He waved and turned back around to walk down the drive. He met me by Sixpence’s grave. He told me Mum was going to see Dr Frayne, and that this was a very good thing. He said Mum had asked after me the night before and got cross when Dad told her he’d spilled oil on my prize night frock. She said she had chosen the material especially for me. I listened to those words and sort of hugged them to my chest when Daniel went home.
The next day, Mum stepped out into the back garden with a basket full of wet washing and started to hang it on the line. I tried not to breathe so she wouldn’t notice I was watching her. But when she turned to go back inside, she looked over at Mr Driver’s fence. I could tell she saw me, and she stopped halfway to the back stairs and then gave me a little wave.
Well, you’d have thought I’d been asked to throw the ball into Bozo the Clown’s face on The Channel Niners show, I felt so happy.
Over the next few days, I spent most of my time during the day sitting on an old oil drum near the fence in case Mum came outside to the Hills Hoist. She used to wash every third day, but now that Daniel was home, I thought there was a chance she would wash a bit more often. Mr Driver tried to tempt me away from the fence, but when he realised how determined I was to stay on guard, he left me in peace, and sometimes pulled up a chair and read next to me for company.
After that first time, Mum stopped and waved every time she came outside. And then she would call out, ‘Hello, Dorcas. Hope you are staying cool,’ or something else that sounded like music to me. I noticed Mr Driver would shake his head and frown when she did this, but he didn’t say anything to me because I think my face told him how happy it made me.
It wasn’t long until Christmas Day, and I prayed and prayed that I could go home for Christmas, even though I loved Mr Driver very much and would miss him. I was too afraid to ask anyone in my family if this was a possibility. But I asked Mr Driver one night and he said we’d just have to wait to see.