You’re walking down the street and suddenly hear someone shout “fag!” at another person. Picture in your head who you’re expecting to be the target of this verbal assault. It could be an effeminate gay man or a “butch” lesbian, but it could just as easily be a trans woman. Why?
Gender identity—our internal sense of our own gender—and sexual orientation—the gender(s) of the people we are attracted to—are distinct concepts that are often conflated. Lesbians are frequently seen, in the popular imagination, as more masculine than most women, while gay men are often perceived as being more feminine than other men. Because of common confusion between gender identity and sexual orientation, trans people are sometimes assumed to be motivated to transition because of their sexual orientation. Those who identify as gay or lesbian after transition often get the question “What was the point of transitioning?” as if the ultimate goal of transition is to become straight.
Many people imagine gay and trans people existing on a spectrum. This confusion, in Western culture, dates back to the 1860s with the advent of early sexology. Thinkers and social progressives such as Karl-Maria Kertbeny and Karl Ulrichs introduced the idea of the “invert” or “urning” to explain homosexual desire. According to their theories, coincidentally developed separately but at the same time, people with sexual desires for someone of the same gender felt this way because they had the “soul”—their word for an essential inner quality—of the so-called opposite gender. Because heterosexuality was understood as “natural,” same-sex desire must be caused by opposite being attracted to opposite. This makes little sense to us today and is easy to ridicule. But it is important to remember that these men were attempting—as a way to make life easier and safer for homosexuals—to move away from the idea that same-sex behavior was a sin and a crime, and were trying to postulate a “natural” explanation for it.
Today, the discussion centers on gender identity. We understand that sexual orientation is a completely different concept from gender identity. However, when parents or teachers discuss children who are exploring their identities, they often frame the conversation as a question of whether a child is trans or “just gay.” Like the early sexologists, they are making unfounded and inaccurate assumptions due to a lack of understanding.
Gender identity and sexual orientation come in many different permutations. Transgender people can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, just like anyone else. Many trans people see their sexual orientation as unrelated to their gender identity—if they are attracted exclusively to one gender, for example, prior to transition, this will remain the same after transition. However, there are also trans people who say that transition has affected their attractions and desires. In a study of 452 transgender and gender-nonconforming people in Massachusetts published in 2016, 42.7 percent identified as queer, 15.7 percent as bisexual, 12.2 percent as straight, 10.4 percent as gay or lesbian, and 19.0 percent as other. Among those who transitioned, 64.6 percent reported a change in attractions post-transition. After transition, some people’s sexual orientations may expand to include a larger group of people, while others’ attractions may narrow. Many trans men, for example, identify as lesbians prior to transition, but afterward begin to realize attractions to men. Some believe that taking testosterone influences their sexuality, while others feel that their new role as men allows them to interact intimately with other men in more comfortable ways than they could when they presented as women.
Just as transgender people can have a wide variety of sexual orientations, gay and lesbian people can have an array of gender identities and expressions. Within lesbian communities, there are a range of gender presentations, from “lipstick lesbians” (extremely feminine) to “butches” (hardened appearing and masculine) and everything in between. Some lesbian relationships appear (to the outsider) to follow traditional butch/femme heterosexual roles, but many don’t. Heterosexuals also vary widely in their gender presentation. Some straight women enjoy playing or watching sports, hunting, or wearing stereotypically masculine clothing. The word “metrosexual” was coined to describe straight men whose well-maintained appearance might give the impression of homosexuality.
Effeminate men are often ridiculed for their gendered behaviors. And, historically, “mannish” women were mocked for their demeanor and dress. Gay and lesbian people can be discriminated against because of their gender expressions and not necessarily for their sexual orientations. Some researchers in gender and sexuality studies believe that a significant portion of homophobia is predicated on discomfort with gender nonconformity rather than with differing sexuality. These scholars point to the increased bullying that gender-nonconforming children face—especially effeminate boys—compared to those who display more stereotypical gender roles. A 2012 article in the journal Pediatrics demonstrated that childhood gender nonconformity is a predictor of bullying, abuse, PTSD, and, later, depression and suicidality. Adult gay and lesbian people also face more stigma when they are gender nonconforming, even from within LGBTQ+ communities. Some gay men describe themselves as “straight-acting” when they use hook-up sites such as Grindr or OkCupid.
Since the advent of the LGBTQ+ movement, and because of political activism, gay and lesbian people have increasingly become more accepted in American society. More recently, transgender issues have moved into the spotlight, and some political gains have been attained. While there are many positive effects of these changes, there are also some troubling trends. Gays and lesbians who fit gender norms, by getting married and having children, are more welcomed into mainstream society. The same is true of transgender people who fit into the gender binary. Many individuals who do not blend in as seamlessly are left out. In many ways, this new “acceptance” only serves to further marginalize the people who are already the most marginalized.
The separation of gender identity from sexual orientation allows some gay and lesbian people to distance themselves, politically, from trans people. While most organizations today use the umbrella term “LGBT” to describe their membership, some gay people argue that LGB and T people have different needs and should therefore work separately so as to avoid outsiders viewing them as the same. These arguments illustrate the shame that many gay and lesbian people have about their own wide range of gender expression and their desire to divorce themselves from gender nonconformity.
Although gender and sexuality are not the same, they may be connected in ways that we do not yet understand. Research has shown that a greater percentage of gay and lesbian than straight people were gender nonconforming as children. What this means is unclear, and by no means are all gay or lesbian people gender nonconforming early in life. However, there is evidence that gender nonconformity is common in LGB communities. And, just as important, the oppression of LGB people is linked to their gender expression. This makes it important to build coalitions between LGB and T communities to fight gendered oppression together.