That night when I drove down to find Dan at the restaurant—it’s hazy now. I was very angry at him. I just had a feeling he’d be there talking to a woman, and so I wanted to check it out. In the church next door to the restaurant, there was a show at that time, called Cougar, the Musical, and every night when it was over, the actresses would come in for discounted drinks. They would bring theatergoers from the show with them, and everyone would get pretty raucous. It was good for business, but Dan seemed a little too happy about it for my taste. So I was thinking about that when I went to the restaurant. And there he was at the bar, with a woman on each side!

I remember confronting him, and punching him in the arm, then leaving to go to the bar at the Ritz—I’ve known Norm, the bartender, for years. Then Dan came in, and I was still angry at him, so I just left. I’m not sure where I went after that. I just needed to blow off some steam. That’s the way I am. If something upsets me, I’ll just take off.

I’ve always been an emotional person, but it’s different now. Sometimes my emotions overwhelm me now; maybe that’s why I like being alone.

When Dan is good he’s very good—as a partner, as a dad, as a friend to other people. He can be a tough boss, but also a very loving boss. He should have been in the military! It’s who he is—which is okay. I’m pretty strong, too. Now that I have Alzheimer’s, he wants to take care of me, but sometimes he makes me crazy. I feel like he’s on top of me, asking if I want lunch before I know I’m hungry! Telling me what to wear and what not to wear, as if I couldn’t get dressed myself. If I don’t tell him I’m taking Bishop for a walk on the beach, he gets angry when I get back, like I’ve done something wrong. Some days it feels like everything I do is wrong by him. So I get mad, and he gets mad, and we argue in a way we never used to before. Which is silly. Are we going to change each other at this point? I don’t think so. And does it matter? I mean, I’m not going anywhere; he’s not going anywhere. We’re in this for keeps, so we might as well be happy as much as we can.

Physically, I don’t feel worse. The left side of my face still tingles—that’s the one real physical effect of Alzheimer’s for me. It feels like I got punched. It’s like pins and needles. I’m not sure it’s a side effect. It’s like wearing a Spider-Man net on my face! It lasts all day. So far, none of the doctors has been able to explain that. It’s not a typical Alzheimer’s symptom. It’s sure there, though, every day.

One thing I’m having trouble with these days is my handbag. I keep misplacing it. I’ll put it down in my closet somewhere, and then the next day I can’t remember where I left it. Or I go down to the basement to get something, and somehow forget it down there. Dan gets exasperated with me. I get exasperated, too! But what am I supposed to do? I think I’m going to remember where it is, and then I just don’t.