I don’t remember the doctor’s visit, or Dana putting me on the jitney. I don’t remember why I got off and started wandering. I do remember it was the evening, so it didn’t seem…out of place. And I remember I felt good. I wasn’t scared or worried. I felt free! I was taking care of myself, having an adventure. I know that’s not a really good thing now, I know everyone was horrified and thought I was dead. I didn’t mean for everyone to worry! But sometimes you just need to be on your own.

My only problem was my heels. They were red, and pretty high. If I’d known better, I wouldn’t have had those heels on, because they were killing me by the end of the night.

I remember I went up to Harlem. There wasn’t anyone in particular I wanted to find. I was just wandering, seeing what I wanted to see—because normally when you’re with other people you have to see what they want to see. I knew to be watchful of who was looking at me or who was following me on the streets, because who knows what someone might be? But nothing happened to worry me at all.

Then I headed down to that boat—the Staten Island Ferry. Maybe the Staten Island Ferry isn’t the best thing in the world, but it’s still a boat, and it looked beautiful at night, and it was going somewhere—that was enough for me.

So I walked down to the ferry, and got on, and I started talking to people, and they started talking to me. It was like at the restaurant; it seemed natural to me. I think someone recognized me. “Hey, that’s B. Smith!” They started telling me where they were from, it was like a party on that boat, looking over the water. And then I remember we were singing—all of us, together. Teenagers, and at least one older person. I can’t remember the songs but I know we were singing. It was cold, but I wasn’t shivering. I wasn’t smart enough to shiver!

I didn’t get off on the Staten Island side. I stayed on and rode back to Manhattan, and then I walked back up to Midtown. I knew there was something missing—our apartment! I knew it wasn’t ours anymore. But it felt right to walk up to our old neighborhood, and I guess that’s how I ended up in that diner. It felt familiar. I don’t remember who started talking to me there. I do remember Dana’s puppy when I saw it at her apartment. It was so beautiful.

I don’t remember Dan driving me out to Sag Harbor, but I know he told me how everyone had been looking for me. Not in a bad way. It hadn’t bothered me, but I know it wasn’t a good thing to go wandering like that—I won’t be going away like that anymore.

When I came back to Sag Harbor we went to the American Hotel, and everyone was so nice. It was like being at home with the family—it’s pretty much like that down there. Everyone was so nice.