Evie
I know it bothers him.
I can see it in his eyes as I scrub all the places where he has kissed me, touched me, sucked on me, and entered me.
“It’s the only way I can do this, have a few moments that are just for us. Beyond this, there is no ‘me.’ No Evie. There is only the Alpha of the Great North Pack.”
What more can I tell him? He knows that we are fighting a losing battle here and that when I call for them to make a sacrifice, they must know absolutely that I have made every sacrifice myself.
It doesn’t seem to be enough.
I hand him the washcloth. He stares at it like it’s poisoned before looking up like an idea has just occurred to him.
“How about Elijah? He’s an Alpha and he’s mated to a human.”
“You said it. He’s an Alpha. Yes, he’s been fighting challengers for thirty years, and yes, he can handle himself, but I was the one who made the decision to let Thea stay, so if things go wrong, I am responsible. I am the Alpha. There is no one else above me.”
He keeps soaping up the washcloth.
“And when the time comes and you’re…” His voice fades out as he looks at the foamy mass between his hands.
“When I’ve recovered enough to be fertile again?”
His biceps quiver, his jaw slides forward.
“You’ll fuck Poul then?”
“Yes.”
“You know he doesn’t give a damn about Evie. He only wants the Alpha.” He tosses the washcloth into the sink.
“I know.”
I’m tired and Thea has gotten hold of a picture she says we need to deal with now. And the truth is no amount of explaining is going to make him understand that a Pack is stability in the middle of chaos. A thing of tradition and our tradition requires strong wolves to mate with stronger wolves to make still stronger wolves.
“Constantine…”
“I’m not going to do this,” he says. He bends over, grabbing his clothes, and starts for the door. “I’m going swimming. But don’t worry. By the time I’m done, no one will know what I have done. That I have committed the crime of touching the woman I love.”
Love?
He’s already halfway to Home Pond by the time I open the door. He doesn’t turn around and I can’t call to him.
I’m not doing well.
He dumps his clothes on the chair at the end of the dock.
Turn around, Constantine.
He shakes out his arms, the arms that have held me and made me feel secure. He stretches out his legs, the legs that have supported both of us when my thighs were tight around his hips and he was buried deep inside me.
See me.
Then he dives off the end and disappears into the cold and quiet where no one can find him.
“Alpha?”
With a sigh, I turn away.