Luis watched as Sam came back after he’d stormed out with Gerome. What had they done?
It didn’t really matter to him, but it’d given him a few moments to breathe. Seeing Gerome again today sent his fear right up once more. After the fight all those months ago, he hadn’t even dared to attempt to run away. Gerome had shown him how dangerous he could get, and Luis didn’t want to find out what would happen if he ran away. If Gerome killed him, it would be okay. Then it would be over. But what if the man beat him, raped him, or threw him in jail? He didn’t know what the punishment would be, but it was enough to stop him from escaping. Right now, Gerome left him alone, and nothing else mattered. If he could spend his days in a room with a TV, he’d take it over being in jail, rotting there, or worse.
And for weeks, he’d only seen the butlers who brought him food. He didn’t talk to them, and they never asked him anything. All he did was watch TV and nap.
He spent his days in constant fear while wondering if Gerome would come in while he slept. So whenever he could manage, he only napped—one ear on the door at all times. Paranoid? Maybe. But better than to wake up and find Gerome waiting in his room.
A lot of the guests danced, and all of them looked happy and content. When the butler had told him that he needed to attend the wedding, Luis wanted to refuse, but then he thought back to when Gerome yelled at him because he’d apparently misbehaved at the dinner with the king and queen. To miss the wedding of his child’s fathers would be a sure pathway to the receiving end of Gerome’s wrath again, and he’d vowed to himself that he would do everything to remain invisible to his mate. It seemed to be the only way to get by. He didn’t know how this was going to continue, but right now, he didn’t care.
All he wanted was to avoid Gerome.
“Luis?”
Luis turned his head. Gerome, a strange expression on his face, stood next to him. Instinctively, Luis averted his eyes. Shit. What had he done now? He’d done nothing wrong, had he? His hands started shaking, and his breathing sped up.
“Yes?” he answered quietly, not daring to look up.
“I—can we dance?” Gerome cleared his throat. “I would like to dance with you. If you want. If not, I... um would like to talk?”
He WHAT? Gerome wanted to dance? What the fuck was up with him? Was this another test to see if he’d obey? “Of course.” He quickly stood, not daring to look at Gerome. He didn’t want to be disrespectful again.
Gerome didn’t take his hand or anything. He just turned and made his way to the dance floor. Luis hurried to follow. What else could he do? He wasn’t going to defy his mate in public because who knew what would happen then.
He stopped behind Gerome on the dance floor.
“Can I?” Gerome quietly asked as he turned around to face Luis.
“What?” Could he what?
“Um... touch you?”
What was happening here? Why was Gerome asking? He’d never asked before. He’d just acted. And Luis already agreed to dance, so the question was irrelevant. “Of course, yes.” If Luis had his will, he wouldn’t be here at all, so whatever Gerome asked of him, it had to be okay. He couldn’t say no anyway.
Gerome stepped closer, laying both his hands on Luis’ hips. Was he supposed to do the same? He couldn’t leave his arms hanging by his sides. And, he didn’t know how to dance properly at a wedding, but was this the right moment to say it?
Slowly, he raised his arms to Gerome’s waist and Gerome started moving them both. Luis didn’t know what to do with his feet, and after a couple of tries to follow his mate, he finally murmured, “I can’t dance, not this type of ballroom dance at least. I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”
Gerome stopped immediately, swinging them loosely from side to side. “Then we do it like this. I should have asked you.”
What, no yelling? What was up with Gerome? He seemed to be so soft today, not aggressive and demanding like he’d been the last time.
They swayed in silence for a few minutes. Luis didn’t know what to say. He was dancing with the man who had ignored him for the last five months. The man he was afraid of didn’t appear to be dangerous today. Was it because this was a wedding?
“I know this might sound strange, but I think I need to apologize. I haven’t treated you well. It was never my intention to hurt you. I should have said it sooner, but maybe you can accept the apology anyway.”
What the fuck happened to Gerome? Was this a trap to lure him into a false sense of security?
“Of course, I accept it. Thank you.” He couldn’t do much else. Refusing an apology from Gerome would be dangerous.
He cast a quick glance at Gerome’s face. Looking him in the eyes would be too much. His face was soft, and—their eyes met. Damn, Gerome had caught him.
“You can look at me if you want. Do what makes you comfortable. Please. I want to change how things are between us. I behaved like an ass, and I’m sorry for it. I don’t want you to agree or accept anything because you think you have to.”
Luis stepped back out of Gerome’s arms. This was not Gerome. This was some crazy scheme. It had to be. The man he knew would never apologize or ask him to do what made him comfortable. He didn’t know what to do, and his brain refused to make sense of it. Instead, it repeated the same words over and over. Trap. Trap. Trap. False security. Trap. “I’m sorry. But I can’t... I just can’t.” He turned and ran. Being so close to the man he feared was one thing. Being asked to forgive him... it was too much. He couldn’t deal with it. Luis ran out of the room, through the other guests to look for a bathroom or anywhere he could have some time alone.
What happened in there? His thoughts raced, and his breath came in shallow gasps. Gerome’s actions didn’t make sense, and he couldn’t stand to be close to him. His cologne brought back the memories of how Gerome had used him, and they threatened to make him sick. The hand on his hip reminded him of how he’d tried to make it good for Gerome, only to be used and then thrown away.
And now he’d asked for forgiveness. A shallow, cold laugh forced its way up, but Luis swallowed it down. If he started, he’d break into hysterical laughter, and he doubted he’d stop anytime soon.
He sprinted through the door and made it to the last stall before the tears overwhelmed him. The urge to laugh vanished. Instead, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. Once more, the absolute helplessness overwhelmed him. He couldn’t do anything other than accept the way Gerome treated him, and while he’d hated and feared the man, he’d known what to expect as long as he stayed invisible. This was a new side, a new game, and he didn’t know the rules. Nobody had told him things had changed. He was—once again—left to find his way alone.
He tried to keep his sobbing quiet so no one would find him, but he didn’t really succeed. Gerome had been so kind and so nice, but it had been nothing more than a game. He couldn’t deal with it. His mind refused to accept it. There was something hidden beneath it, and Gerome would reveal it one day. He simply couldn’t change this much and suddenly be a good guy. It was impossible.
Chapter Seventeen
Gerome shrugged as he noticed Sam’s questioning stare. Yeah, he had no idea either. He’d done what Sam had said, asked Luis to dance, and even apologized. But apparently, he’d done the wrong thing. The man simply stormed out.
“What have you done now?” Sam asked. Great. Now he would hear once more what an ass he was. But wait, maybe Sam could help him understand because Gerome sure as hell didn’t know what he’d done again.
“I asked him to dance, which he agreed to. Then I apologized. I told him I was sorry for making him miserable. I caught him watching me, and told him to do what made him comfortable. Then he ran.”
“And you didn’t threaten him?” Sam took Gerome’s arm and led him over to some chairs.
“No. I told you. I tried to be understanding, and he still ran.” Gerome picked up a napkin and started to rip it into little pieces. He didn’t get what had gone wrong. He’d done just as Sam had suggested.
“Have you stopped to consider that he might be afraid of you? Or that he is afraid of what you’ll do if he speaks up against you?”
“No. Why should he be afraid of me?” Gerome stopped destroying the napkin. That would be an explanation. He’d threatened to punish Sam if he didn’t behave, back when they’d fought after the dinner. In fact, he’d done everything to scare Luis into behaving like a good, obedient mate. Shit.
“I think I need to go find him. Sit him down and talk to him. Maybe I can make it clear I’m not going to hurt him.” His heart sank. How on earth could he undo the damage he’d done?
“So, he is afraid of you? You seriously fucked that one up. I never thought you’d be so stupid to go there. Go and see if you can make up with him. I can talk to him as well, or maybe Alex can do this. But I think the best thing would be if you tried first. After all, you managed to make it this bad.” Sam’s tone didn’t hold pity. If anything, Gerome expected him to start yelling at him any second. The urge to defend himself rose once more, but he stopped himself. He’d made things this bad. And if he wanted to change something, he needed to start somewhere. Why not begin by finding out why his mate felt the need to run away from him.
“I’ll go look for him and see if he’ll talk to me. If he won’t listen, would you try your luck then? Not today, but soon?”
Sam smiled, his face softening. “Yes, of course. You are a good man. Show it to Luis.”
He wasn’t a good guy. He’d never been. But he could try to be less of an asshole. That would be a start. “Thank you.” Gerome stood and turned toward the door Luis had run through.
“Good luck.”
He heard Sam behind him, but he didn’t stop again. With quick strides, he made his way to the door. As soon as he was outside, he stopped. Silence surrounded him. Gerome sniffed deeply in the hopes of finding Luis. Layers of food smells and the scents of many guests made it difficult, but after a few seconds, he had him. Because Luis had been in his arms a few minutes ago, his scent still clung to Gerome, and he managed to pick up the trail. It led to the bathroom, and he followed slowly, his mind racing to come up with an idea on what to say or do so the man would stop being so afraid.
If it’d been anatomically possible, he would’ve kicked his own ass. How could he have been so stupid? He’d totally forgotten about the threatening words and just assumed Luis was as pissed about the mating as he was. Never in all these months did he stop to consider why the man wasn’t talking to him. It’d been nice not to have to deal with the drama and see his mate. He’d simply forgotten about him, but it had been wrong. He’d been wrong.
And now he needed to turn this around. If only he knew how.
****
Without any idea of what to say, he finally opened the bathroom door where Luis’ trace had vanished. It appeared to be empty, so he sniffed again, picking up the scent. It led to the last stall.
He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and walked down the aisle. No sound came from the stall, but the closed door gave Luis away. Gerome’s stomach clenched as he hesitated in front of the last stall. Why was he nervous? He shouldn’t be. But since he’d fucked things up so badly, he couldn’t stop his heart from beating like mad. What if Luis wouldn’t forgive him? Shit. Why hadn’t he stopped and thought about that earlier? He’d moved on, ignoring the problem when he should’ve fixed it long ago. But these damn rules and his ego got in the way, and now he had to find a way to make amends.
He had to find a way to make this work.
But first, no matter what, he had to convince Luis he wasn’t going to hurt him. He knocked on the door.
“Who’s there?” Luis’ voice sounded strangled.
“It’s me. Gerome. Can we talk? Please?”
“Yes. Of course.” Luis’ voice didn’t sound too good. He’d been crying if Gerome heard correctly.
“Can you open the door for me? Please? I’d like to see you.”
After a few moments, the lock snapped, and a tearful Luis opened the door. “Yes.” He visibly swallowed. “I’m sorry I ran away. I didn’t want to—”
“Please, don’t.” Gerome raised his hand to interrupt him. “Please don’t apologize. It’s my turn to say I’m sorry. I don’t know how to put this, and I don’t think you’ll believe me, but please know I would never, ever hurt you. It happens in matings, yes, but not with me. I’m not a violent man. I won’t hurt you, no matter how much we disagree, how angry I am, or how much we fight.”
Gerome stared into Luis’ tear-stained face. Oh God. What had he done to this man?
First, he had to get Luis out of this public place where anyone could come in and see them. “Can we go to another room?” he asked. “I would like more privacy.” What he’d say then, remained to be seen. Apparently, forcing Luis to forgive him was the wrong way. He just didn’t know what else to do. He’d rarely seen other mated couples interact, and he’d never seen them solve problems by apologizing. Usually, the submissive mate followed whatever their mate told them to do when, or if, they were at social functions.
His father sure as hell never asked his mother for forgiveness or talked about issues, and he didn’t have any idea what to say. But somehow, he’d have to manage.
Gerome waited until Luis opened the door fully, then he stepped back to give him some space. He wanted to take Luis in his arms to comfort him, but he doubted the action would be welcome. So he simply took the lead and brought Luis into a small conference room nearby. The man stayed behind him all the time, never stepping up to walk beside him. Gerome swallowed his rising annoyance as well as the comment he was about to make. After all, a mate needed to follow, and how could Luis know that the rules had changed?
With only four chairs and a table, the room was small but silent, and they could talk without anyone interrupting them. Luis hadn’t said a word but sat down in a chair at the table. Clutching his fingers together, he stared at the floor. Every few moments, he wiped away a tear. Luis’ fear made Gerome’s nose itch, and he heard the man’s fast heartbeat, even over his own. Once more, his stomach clenched in sickness over his actions.
Gerome pulled out another chair and sat down heavily opposite Luis. He wanted to take Luis’ hands in his, but he stopped himself in time. Touching wasn’t welcome, so he only shifted in his seat. Now that he had Luis here, he didn’t know what to say. He’d apologized. Luis had accepted. And now how should he proceed? Maybe he needed to state the obvious. “Do you understand what I’ve been saying to you about the part where I’d never hurt you?”
Luis nodded but stayed silent.
“Okay. That’s good. Our situation can’t go on like this. You are suffering. You’re not eating well, and you don’t look healthy. Do you think we could change something so that you would feel better?”
Luis shook his head but said nothing.
Gerome sighed deeply. Damn, why couldn’t Luis be a bit more approachable, and why wouldn’t he speak? He bit his tongue just in time to stop himself from demanding that Luis answer the question. They’d done that already. He wouldn’t go back there. If Luis wasn’t comfortable speaking, Gerome needed to accept it.
“You can’t think of something we can do to make this work or help you to feel better? Can you tell me why? Is it my fault?” Heavens, this was hard. He should just command Luis to suck it up. It was the way things worked in a coven. But then, he’d done that, and now his mate was crying because he apologized. This was all so fucked up.
“We can’t break the mating, and you can’t move out. It’s against the law. But how about if you come out of your room once in a while? I would like to spend some time with you.”
“I don’t want to come out of my room. I want nothing more than to have my old life back. I don’t want to be mated. I don’t want to be here. And I certainly don’t want to spend time with you.”
Gerome stood abruptly. That was enough. Who did this man think he was? As the submissive mate, he shouldn’t talk back like that. Gerome balled his fists and stalked over to the window. He looked out over the dark city and took a deep breath to quell his anger. He’d promised he wouldn’t hurt Luis, and he did not intend to do so. It just went against everything he’d been taught. The submissive mate needed to behave, and the dominant one had to enforce obedience. But he’d promised Sam he’d try and change. And he did want to know what troubled his mate, so he needed to listen, even if it was hard.
Carefully, he chose his next words. “I can’t let you go. I would do it if I could. Please, believe me. I would. But I can’t.”
“Then there is nothing you can do. I want my old life back. If you can’t do that for me, we’re done here.”
“I’m sorry, Luis.” Gerome rested his head on the cold glass. He couldn’t do anything else. If Luis flat out refused to try to feel better, he was powerless.
“Do you want to go back to my apartment or the wedding?” It hurt to say the words. He’d really tried, but apparently, Luis’ pain was too big to consider anything else. He understood—a part of him genuinely understood, and it sucked.
He’d destroyed everything. Maybe Luis would’ve given them a chance to be friends if he hadn’t behaved like an ass all this time. Now it was too late.