Welcome Students
Welcome to the sixth edition of The Naked Roommate. Yes, this is the sixth edition (not a typo, the typos come later in the book). This is the very best edition ever as opposed to the worst edition ever. Welcome to page one. I’m Harlan. I’ll be your Naked author and host throughout this book. I’ve included a picture of myself on the back of the book (fully clothed) so you can see what I look like. And yes, I’ve actually been wearing that same outfit while writing this entire book (but I have gained about five pounds). As your host and author, I’d like to offer you something to eat or drink (nonalcoholic), but I don’t know where to find you or if you can eat or drink where you are. If you’re reading this at a place where they’re serving food or drinks, please get yourself something. I can’t pay for it, but if I were there, I would. I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable. So please, slip off your shoes, unbutton the top button on your pants if they’re snug, find a comfortable place to sit if you’re standing. Do whatever it takes for you to get comfortable, as long as what you need to do to get comfortable isn’t prohibited by any indecency laws. If getting comfortable means breaking the law, take this book home with you. I’m not trying to get you to buy it (well, maybe I am a little), but what is more important than your owning this book is that you are as comfortable as possible while reading it. Because when it comes down to it, that’s what this whole book is all about—and it’s really what the college experience is about. It’s about helping you to get comfortable for what can be an uncomfortable (at times) journey ahead. Now, I’ll give you a break to get comfortable. And please, feel free to browse through the book after you settle in.
— A BREAK IN THE BOOK —
Welcome Back
Hi, Harlan here again, your author and host. From browsing through this book, you are probably expecting a lot of tips. When it comes to “tips,” there are many different kinds in the world. There are good tips, bad tips, informative tips, tips that touch the surface, tips that give you something to think about, tips you leave on a table after eating at a restaurant, rib tips, fingertips, tiptoes, and various other miscellaneous tips. This is a tip book unlike any other tip book. It’s a book that goes far beyond the tip and leaves you with something to think about, and when applicable, even offers you places to go for help on and off campus. I’d like to go so far as to say that this is the best tip book in the history of tip books. (Minus the 1762 classic, Ten Tips for Settlers to the New Country. I do love that book.)
This might come to you as a surprise, but I wasn’t a fan of “tip books”—that is, until I wrote this book. I don’t just like this one because I wrote it (although that is part of the reason). It’s because this book is genuinely different. It’s based on what today’s college students are honestly thinking, feeling, and doing on today’s college campuses. It’s their voices sharing their stories and experiences that will expose the uncensored truth about what’s really going on in college. Not only will you get page after page of telling tips from students on over one hundred college campuses across North America, you’ll also get the latest facts, stats, resources, support services having to do with college life, and some advice from me—someone who has been a freshman twice, has visited over four hundred college campuses, and has interviewed over a thousand students.
About the student-offered tips—one thing that I’ve discovered while writing my syndicated Help Me, Harlan! advice column and interviewing students over the years is that it’s the rest of the story, the story of how someone came up with his or her tip or advice, that is the most telling. And that’s exactly what you’ll find here—the tips and the stories behind them. That’s just not something you see all the time.
Speaking of time, I appreciate yours. I promise not to waste it. This book will be helpful. At the very least, it can always be used as a doorstop, a coaster, or a way to level out a shaky table. The actual information written on the pages of your new doorstop/coaster/level will also prove helpful. Whether you’re commuting to a college down the street or living on a campus across the country, this book has something for you. Whether you’re headed to college as the star of your high school or you’re one of those students who blended into the cement block walls in the back of your classroom, this book has something for you. And that includes all those people who fall somewhere in between blending into the cement blocks and being a star. Whether you’re attending a two-year school, a four-year school, or a virtual school, The Naked Roommate is written with you in mind. Whether you’re the first person in your family going to college or the last, this book is for you. Whether you’re from the United States, Canada, Spain, Australia, Austria, India, China, or a country I haven’t mentioned, this book is for you too.
(P.S. If you are a commuter, a community college student, a first-generation student, a Canadian student, an international student, or a nontraditional student, head to www.NakedRoommate.com for special notes written just for you. While the tips in this book are relevant for all students, you may have unique circumstances or challenges to deal with, so I want to make sure you feel welcome too.)
The Naked Roommate is the book that I only wish someone had written for me when I went to college. I’m so happy that you finally have it in your hands. I hope you will keep this close to you through your college career. You might not need everything on the pages to follow today, but you’ll use different parts of the book during different times throughout your college career. When you do need it, it’s here. I know it will help.
Please note—you probably won’t encounter every single issue and obstacle discussed in this book (and if you do, you should write your own book). That said, you will encounter many of them, if not in your own life, then in the lives of your friends. When that happens, you can share this book or get them their own copies. One thing I should mention before continuing: I promised many of the college students who offered advice for this book not to just talk about the bad parts of college; they didn’t want this book to scare you, because the truth is that most of life in college is great. It’s just once in a while it’s not great. And that’s what this book is here for. To help make it great even in the not so great times. And with that, I’ve fulfilled my promise.
As you read this book and live out your own college experience, please send in your thoughts, tips, and stories. Make sure to check out www.NakedRoommate.com (the world’s nicest community for students) to connect with other college students and share your experiences. You can also find me at www.HarlanCohen.com. Then there’s Facebook: www.Facebook.com/NakedRoommate and www.Facebook.com/HelpMeHarlan. Oh, and there’s also Instagram (@HarlanCohen) and Twitter (I tweet, do you tweet?): @NakedRoommate and @HarlanCohen.
As your author and host, please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help you along your college journey. I know you have a choice when it comes to books about college life, and I appreciate your choosing this one. Thank you.
My Reason for Writing This Book
I never thought college would be like this. No one ever told me. I expected it to be how it looked on the websites and in the brochures. I have two older brothers, and both went to college (one is five years older, the other eight years older). They were jealous of me when it was my turn to go. They graduated and wanted to go back. I went to a big high school and an even bigger university (University of Wisconsin–Madison, 30,000+). I expected everything in college to just fall into place. But instead, I only felt out of place.
While life in high school did a great job of preparing me to handle the academic transition, once I arrived on campus, I was socially and emotionally lost. There was so much I didn’t know. So much no one told me. My roommate wasn’t my best friend, I didn’t get into the fraternity I wanted, and my long-distance girlfriend dumped me (her father compared our relationship to a dying puppy, urging her to shoot the puppy). It took almost two semesters and transferring from UW–Madison to Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, to figure it all out. What I discovered is that life in college can be uncomfortable at times. College is a huge transition. And transitions are naturally uncomfortable at times. Fighting uncomfortable just creates more discomfort. But facing it and working through is how we get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Working through it means finding PEOPLE, PLACES, and PATIENCE. It’s asking yourself the questions, “Who are my five people? Where are my three places? How patient am I willing to be to get there?” This book is filled with people, places, and the true story about life in college that will help you find the patience to get wherever you want to go. It’s the book I wish someone had written for me.
This book is about everything no one ever tells you about life in college, and the things that will make college easier and more manageable. If you come to college understanding and appreciating what it takes to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, when the uncomfortable pops up (and it will), it won’t be so hard to handle. You won’t hate. You won’t hide. You’ll look inward, look outward, and move forward with confidence. While we are all unique, our problems are universal. They connect us. I hope this book will help you create the best college experience inside and outside the classroom. I look forward to hearing your tips and stories for future editions of the book! Send them to Harlan@helpmeharlan.com, subject: Seventh Edition.
How This Book Was Written
The Naked Roommate was compiled while visiting over four hundred college campuses, interviewing countless college professionals, and participating in conventions and conferences. Like previous editions, this updated edition combines the voices of students and college professionals with the latest trends, facts, and stats. Also included are resources, support services, recent data, the latest government information, hotlines, websites, and places for students to find answers to their questions.
The tips and stories behind the tips were compiled during face-to-face and phone interviews, via written request forms, and collected through my websites (www.HelpMeHarlan.com and www.NakedRoommate.com), and via email, Facebook, and professional organizations that requested students forward their stories and tips. Some of the quotations cited in The Naked Roommate were excerpted from articles I’ve written for the Wall Street Journal Classroom Edition.
The latest facts, figures, and information were provided by the Higher Education Research Institute at UCLA using the CIRP Freshman Survey and Your First College Year data (2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014), the National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE) (2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014), the BACCHUS Network, the ACHA/NCHA II survey (2008, 2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, and 2014), and various U.S. government websites. I also contacted the offices of the National Orientation Directors Association, the National Resource Center for the First-Year Experience, the National Association of College and University Residence Halls, the National Panhellenic Conference, the North American Interfraternity Conference, and member schools of the National Association of College activities while gathering materials for this book project.
My goal continues to be to create the most complete and fact-based look at college life ever presented. I’d like to think of The Naked Roommate as an encyclopedia of what may or may not happen to students in college. It’s a tool to help ease students’ anxiety while helping them take the necessary steps to find their places on campus and create a world of options.
Please keep in mind: the tips on the following pages are in no way a fair and accurate representation of the entire student population at each institution or of the institutions themselves. Due to the sensitive nature of some tips, and to protect free-flowing information from students, proper names could not be used. If a student had strong concerns, his or her year in school was changed (but not the name of the school). The tips and the stories behind them are not direct quotes but are as accurate as possible.
The Sixth Edition: Toned, Leaner, and Fitter
If you’re reading this book (and you must be, unless someone is reading it to you), then you are reading the most updated version of this book. Think of The Naked Roommate getting a six pack (of abs, not beer). In this latest edition you’ll find updated stats and facts, some new websites, Facebook links, Twitter feeds, and more voices from more students.
You’ll also notice bonus content. I’ve added new info about sexual consent, depression, bystander intervention, sexual health, online safety, transition, roommate advice, and additional tips and stories from students. Online, I’ve been doing a tremendous amount of work to support students. Please visit and become a “Naked” member of www.NakedRoommate.com.
Additional Resources
The Naked Roommate has proven so helpful over the years that it’s now being used as required reading, as a textbook, and as a training guide for student leaders on campus. In addition, there’s a Naked Roommate’s First Year Survival Workbook and an online instructor’s guide to go along with the book. There’s even a book for parents to help them support students throughout their college experience—The Naked Roommate: For Parents Only.
Check out my new Naked Roommate College Boot Camp for Students and Parents online courses. Visit www.NakedRoommateBootCamp.com for sample lessons. There’s a track for students and a track for parents. Enter coupon code “NAKED6E” for a special discount just for readers of this book.
In addition to my books and online courses, visit www.NakedRoommate.com. Here you’ll discover college news, blogs, the Naked Roommate forums (for students and parents), and advice from my Help Me, Harlan! syndicated advice column and speaking programs and tour. You can also find me on Facebook (www.Facebook.com/NakedRoommate) and Twitter (www.Twitter.com/NakedRoommate).
If you’re interested in my events, keynotes, and workshops for students, parents, and professionals, visit www.HarlanCohen.com. You can read advice, ask me questions, and sign up for my newsletter. My continued goal is to help students get comfortable with the uncomfortable while providing resources, support services, and information that will help them to thrive during the transition to college life and beyond.
A Note to Parents
Hi, parents. This is Harlan. Welcome! Thank you for picking up this book and reading this note. It’s a pleasure to meet you!
There’s something no one has told you about college planning. There’s search and selection, but there’s a third part—it’s the most crucial. It’s called TRANSITION, and it’s the time from when your child commits to a school to the end of the first year. It’s emotional, high stakes, and intense. It’s when a student thrives, survives, or struggles. It’s what this book is about. The college transition consists of five parts: Social, Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Academic. The Naked Roommate will help your child navigate them all.
Twenty years ago, parents of a student living away from home were lucky to get a call from their kid once a week. Now, with the help of cell phones, texting, Twitter, Facebook, FaceTime, and Skyping, a student can communicate problems to parents when they happen in real time. Never before have parents been so connected to their children’s college experiences moment by moment as they unfold. Many parents are literally pulled onto campus. This can be a good thing, but also a not-so-good thing.
First, the good. Being so connected means that you can offer more support than ever. Now the not-so-good: while you may be accessible, you may not always know how to respond. This book and The Naked Roommate: For Parents Only can be helpful resources. If you know what to expect and how to help your child navigate through it all—you can be the best resource. Once you know what’s normal and natural, you can guide your children through the normal obstacles that are part of college life. When a problem arises, instead of wanting to fix it (which may only heighten it), you can step back, listen, and point your child in the right direction to get help. It’s the difference between overpowering and empowering.
One suggestion to help you point your child in the right direction: visit your son’s or daughter’s college website to see specific resources and support services on campus. When visiting campus, introduce yourself to the people who will help your child. Know the people and places online (and on campus) that are available so that you will be prepared to guide your child to them. My hope is that you pick up a copy of this book for your son or daughter and page through it yourself. Then pick up a copy of The Naked Roommate: For Parents Only. Keep it close by, and when a problem comes up, use it as a tool (or if a door needs to be held open, it’s a great doorstop). Both these books can be your study guide/cheat sheet for college life.
Thank you for reading The Naked Roommate.
A Note to Educators
It’s a pleasure to have you here! I wanted to take a moment to visit with you—specifically.
College planning is all about search and selection. But there’s a third part and it’s called transition. Now more than ever, incoming first-year students lack an understanding of transition. According to ACT, Inc., roughly one in four students doesn’t return to the same campus for their sophomore year (the number is higher at many institutions). Less than two-thirds of students who start college will finish with a degree (percentages vary by type of college). Then there are the social and emotional challenges that throw students. This book is a tool to help students navigate the social, emotional, physical, financial, and academic transition.
In addition to the book, please check out my webinar on college planning and my newest online program for students and parents. My online resources, free mini-courses, and college boot camp for students and parents are all available to help you guide, support, and prepare your students for life in college.
Since the first edition of the book, The Naked Roommate has established itself as the #1 book on college life and is being used as a required text in college classrooms across the country and as a part of staff training and development. In addition to the book, there is now The Naked Roommate’s First Year Survival Workbook and an online instructor’s guide, both coauthored by Cynthia Jenkins, PhD, for use in college and high school classrooms. In fact, it’s an entire Naked Roommate First Year Experience Program. The goal of this program is to provide a student-friendly program to help students make the social, emotional, physical, financial, and academic transition to life in college. The program is designed for students, residence life staff, campus leaders, peer educators, orientation staff, and any student or professional working with students in transition. It can be used in training as well as in the classroom. The workbook makes it easy to pull out relevant exercises and activities. The online instructor’s guide takes the best of the book and workbook and makes it efficient and easy for instructors, professionals, and student leaders to use both resources.
A new resource to help in the classroom is The Naked Roommate College Boot Camp for Students and Parents. This new online course contains self-contained lessons to bring different aspects of the book to life. The program can be used as a guidance resource, summer program, or compliment to first year courses. Visit: www.NakedRoommateBootCamp.com for information.
One last note: if you’re using the book, workbook, or online course in the classroom and want to connect with other instructors, feel free to send me an email and I will be more than happy to introduce you. There is a passionate and friendly community of “Naked” instructors who would love to share tips and ideas. It’s wonderful to be a partner with you.
Thank you and enjoy the nakedness.
A Final Note to All Readers
The Naked Roommate is an ongoing experience. This is the sixth of what will be many editions of this book. Please send me your feedback, suggestions, and insight while reading through these tips and stories. If you have a story, advice, or a tip that could help other students, just send it my way. Send feedback and new tips via email to harlan@helpmeharlan.com. Please include “Seventh Edition of Naked Roommate” in the subject line. Thank you.
