The rest of the day went downhill from there.
I tried to chill out at the guesthouse, but Amelia St. Laurent had prospective buyers playing through on the hour.
I went for a jog on the beach and twisted my ankle.
While I was soaking the ankle to keep the swelling down, Harry Paynter called to say that Sandy Selman, the movie producer who was planning to bring our literary epic to the big screen, was demanding some kind of supernatural element. “He didn’t come right out and say ‘vampire,’ but I know that’s what’s on his mind.”
“Vampire?” I repeated. “That’s crazy.”
“The first thing you learn out here, Billy, is that everything is crazy. So there is no crazy. It’s Sandy’s nickel. He wants vampires, that’s what we give him.”
“How do you do that in a realistic way, exactly?”
“My suggestion?” Harry said. “We make our international assassins a romantic vampire couple.”
“That solves the realism problem?”
“Sure. We’re not talking Bela Lugosi. Nobody believes that bullshit. But young vampires getting it on—people buy that without blinking an eye.”
“How exactly would they relate to our story? My story? Something I actually experienced?”
“This is just spitballing, but when our hero starts looking for something linking the victims, he discovers they’ve all bled out. Only here’s the kicker, there’s been no blood found.”
“Yeah,” I said. “And since our hero owns a restaurant, in the big climax scene, he can trick the vampires into thinking he’s fixing them a midnight snack of blood-rare porterhouse steaks. But when he lifts the lid on the server, it’s two wooden stakes. Which he drives into their respective hearts.”
“Shit, Billy, that’s gold, cinema gold. You’ve got a talent for this.”
This was said without sarcasm. Without a hint of irony. Too sunny for irony.
“Thanks, Harry. I’d love to continue spitballing with you, but I’ve got a show tonight and lots to do.”
“I understand, Billy. Hell, you’re the man. You’ve cracked this story, really opened it up. My juices are flowing. I’m on this. Stakes for steaks. I love it.”
I snapped the phone case shut and looked at my ankle. I decided it needed a little more soaking.